Beneath This Man

‘No!’ I blurt rudely. ‘Sorry, I know he’ll love it.’ It’s lace and it’s black. He’ll pool at my feet, I know he will, but what about the slight exposure of flesh? Will that be cause for my neurotic control freak to tackle me to the ground and wrap me in his body to stop anyone from seeing my skin? And, finally, how much does the damn thing cost?

I quickly battle with my conscience over the bloody dress as Zoe hands me a clutch to match the shoes. I want to cry. I knew I shouldn’t have tried it on. ‘Did he see it?’ I turn to face Zoe and she looks at me all confused. ‘This dress, did he see it on the rail when you came back?’ I ask.

‘No, I think he’s gone to the gents.’ she replies. I raise my hand to my mouth and start frantically tapping my front tooth with my nail.

‘Okay, I’m having the dress, but I don’t want Jesse to know.’ I’m taking a risk with this. Zoe claps her hands together, and I smile at her delighted face. ‘What’s all this?’ I point to the additional rail she’s dragged in.

‘He wants you to have lots of dresses.’ She shrugs.

I laugh. He is taking the instant access rule way too far. I get myself out of the dress and have another stab of uncertainty as Zoe takes it and gives strict instructions to a young girl not to let Jesse see it. I start on the other dresses. I’m having three maximum and he better not argue with me.

I work off a million calories getting myself in and out of dozens of dresses. We build up a like, no and a maybe pile, and I’m surprised that I’m enjoying myself. Jesse sprawls back on the sofa and watches as I appear and disappear, wearing a different dress each time.

‘She’s like a clothes horse, isn’t she?’ Zoe muses to Jesse when I appear in a very short, Chloe, grey dress. I love it, but like all of the other dresses that have a price tag of over three hundred pounds, it will go on the no pile.

I watch as his face turns to shock. ‘Get it off!’ he spits, and I return to the changing room laughing. He’s right, I love it, but it is way too short. It could pass for an undergarment.

I’m whacked when I’m finally finished trying everything on. I’ve changed more times in a couple of hours than I have this month. I go through the yes pile with Zoe and get a bit anxious when I realise just how many like items there are. I flick through the rail and try to narrow it down.

‘What have we got then?’ I hear him approach. I cringe.

‘Oh, she’s got some fabulous pieces. I’m very jealous,’ Zoe says. ‘I’m just going to get this all wrapped and bagged for you.’

Oh hell!

I’m even more mortified when Jesse hands Zoe a credit card. She takes it and leaves us alone.

‘Jesse, I’m really not comfortable with this.’ I take his hands and stand in front of him so I have his full attention.

His shoulders sag disappointedly. ‘Why?’ His voice is genuinely hurt.

I watch Zoe disappear with all of my likes. ‘Please, I don’t want you spending all of this money on me.’

‘It’s not all that much.’ He tries to reason with me, but I saw the price tags. It’s way too much, and I don’t even know how much the gown is.

I look down at the floor. I don’t want to get into a row in Harrods over this. I return my eyes to his. ‘Just buy me a dress for tonight. That would be acceptable to me.’

‘Just one dress?’ he asks unhappily. ‘Another five dresses and you’ve got a deal.’

I’m pleasantly surprised by this. ‘Two.’ I counter, anyway.

‘Five.’ he tosses back at me. ‘This wasn’t part of the deal.’

No it wasn’t, but I don’t care how old he is anymore, and I’ve done this meeting in the middle scenario before. I’ve learnt that while I maneuver, Jesse sticks exactly where he started.

I narrow my eyes on him. ‘I don’t care how old you are. Keep your silly little age secret.’

‘Okay, but it’s still five.’ he says acceptingly. I suspect he was never going to keep his end of the deal, anyway. ‘I’ve got to make a phone call.’ He drops a kiss on my lips. ‘You go and pick five dresses. Zoe has my card. My pin is one, nine, seven, four.’

I recoil. ‘I can’t believe you’ve just told me your pin number.’

‘No secrets, remember?’

No secrets? Is he kidding me? He strolls off, and I have a sudden, delighted moment of comprehension. I do a quick mental calculation. ‘You are thirty seven,’ I shout to his back. He stops. ‘Your pin number. You were born in seventy four.’ I can’t help the triumph in my voice. I’ve totally rumbled him. Men are so predictable. ‘You didn’t lie at all, did you?’

He slowly turns and flashes me his signature smile, reserved only for me, before blowing me a kiss and leaving me to go and pick my five dresses.

I walk out of the personal shopping area and find Jesse waiting for me. It didn’t take me long to select my five favourite dresses.

I hand him his card and plant a kiss on his cheek. ‘Thank you.’ I’m not sure whether I’m most grateful for the dresses or for his slip up in revealing that he is actually thirty seven. Either way, I’m a very happy girl.

‘You are more than welcome,’ He takes my bags from me. ‘Do I get another show?’ He raises his eyebrows.

‘Of course,’ I can’t deny him for how reasonable he’s being. ‘But you don’t get to see the gown.’