Beyond Me(36)
Author: Jennifer Probst

My heart twisted. “You’re leaving me?”

She chewed her lower lip. “I have to.”

I almost sank to my knees to beg her to stay. I’d do anything. But then I realized it was too late. In some distant part of my brain, I also realized she was right.

I had nothing to offer. I didn’t know what I was doing.

I needed to let her go.

“I love you, Quinn.”

With my words echoing in the air, I left the hotel room.

Chapter Twenty-One

Friday

I’D LOST him.

I stayed in my hotel room most of the day by myself. Cassie and Mac both stopped in to babysit me for a bit, but I shooed them away, wanting to be alone.

I stayed out by the balcony, wrapped my arms around my knees, and stared at the rollicking pool scene for hours. I ordered room service, packed, and got ready for the return trip. My phone remained silent. No message from James. No more knocking on my door.

He was gone, just like I had requested.

It was for the best, but my heart and soul didn’t give a crap. I felt broken. How could five lousy days completely change my life? How would I ever get over him?

Day turned into night. Night turned into morning.

I got ready to get on the plane and go home.

I’D LOST her.

I stared at the empty bottles of liquor lining the tiki bar. I was already past drunk, but I needed desperately to pass out so I could sleep. Her face haunted me. The sound of her voice whispering my name burned my ears. The scent of her sweet, hot pu**y tortured my sanity.

I thought about trying one more time, but already knew it was over. She needed a man who was whole, and I’d already proved I was a ghost. Would I ever figure it out? Would I finally have enough guts to get my shit together?

I didn’t know. Just realized I was broken without her.

Day turned into night. I drank.

Finally I passed out.

My last image was Quinn standing by the lake, a sad expression on her face as I frantically reached out for her. But it was too late. She turned and disappeared into the sparkling sunlight while I watched her go.

Epilogue

Six Weeks Later

“OKAY, CLASS dismissed. See you all Monday.”

I sighed with relief, closed my books, and began packing up for the weekend. Of course, I had two extra shifts at the Senior Care Home, and an intense session for the rehabilitation clinic, but I didn’t care. I hadn’t been sleeping well, and Mac and Cassie had been giving me crap about decreasing my workload, but I ignored them.

It kept me busy. It kept me from remembering.

I stared out the window and studied the campus grounds. The temperature had dropped this week and hovered in the low fifties. I missed Key West. Sometimes, it felt like a magical dream. The sun and sand. The decadence of the numerous Sex and the Beach drinks. And James. The endless, sweet ecstasy of being held by him, shuddering into orgasm after orgasm.

Shaking my head firmly, I threw the books in my backpack and headed out. I missed him every day. For the first week, every time my phone rang or beeped, I’d jump, my heart crazily beating as I checked the screen and prayed it would be him. It never was. After a full month passed hearing nothing, I knew he’d moved on. Without me.

I tightened my coat from the chill of the wind and trudged across the main square of the campus. What had I expected? I’d told him clearly to get his shit together and that we wouldn’t work. Most guys couldn’t handle such truth, and he probably thought it was the biggest rejection of his life. And it was. But I still loved him. Maybe I’d always love him. I pictured myself ten years from now, studying the paper and finding an article showcasing the new hot artist, James Hunt. He’d be married and happy, long forgetting me, and I’d be single with lots of cats.

Ah, hell. Get over it, Quinn. It was a brief fling and he’d moved on. Maybe he loved me for those few days, but wasn’t that cliché famous for a reason?

Out of sight, out of mind, dude, I said to myself. He’s so over you.

“I prefer absence makes the heart grow fonder,” a voice drawled. “Still talking to yourself, huh?”

I whipped around. My backpack dropped to my feet. I gasped.

James stood before me. He was gorgeous. Dressed in worn, tight jeans, with a leather bomber jacket, his dark curls blew in the wind and fell across his arched brow. Those full lips quirked upward in the corner, giving him a bad boy look that had my br**sts tingling and my core wet in seconds. Oh God. If he got near and touched me, I’d die. Even a few feet away, I caught his scent, the gorgeous spicy, musky smell that woke up all my senses.

“Wh-What are you doing here?” I couldn’t stop staring and eating him up with my gaze. He seemed to have the same problem. Those piercing blue eyes met and held mine in its grip, probing and testing my barriers.

His half-smile disappeared. “I moved here.”

I almost swayed on my feet, dizzy with need and hope. My palms dampened. “Why?” I whispered.

He shrugged. “Because I love you. Because you were right. I didn’t know who I was. I’m still working on it, but I have a plan. I sold the villa in Key West and bought a small studio instead. No more parties, just me and my boat and a good sunset.”

My lower lip trembled. “Sounds perfect.”

He smiled. “Yeah, it is. I spent some time alone, and decided what I want out of my life. I came up with two main things.”

Fear hit me as hard as hope did. The question hovered on my lips, but I was so screwed up, I just kept staring at him, hoping he didn’t disappear. Please say me, my inner voice begged. Please tell me you figured it out so I don’t have to let you go again. Finally, I spit out the words before I jumped him. “What are they?”

“Art. I enrolled in an art school and got in on my portfolio, not my family name. I got a job in a studio helping kids learn expression through drawing and painting. I rented a workspace in town, my own loft apartment, and now I’m settling in.”

Holy crap, he wasn’t kidding about figuring out what he wanted. He had it together—and he hadn’t mentioned me once. My breath came in sharp gasps, and I battled the need to kneel over and suck air from a paper bag. So lame. The love of my life came back and I was on the verge of a panic attack. “Sounds like you’ve got it all. What else could you possibly need?” I managed to ask.

His smile came back, sweet and full of emotion, and vulnerability. “You, Quinn. I need you in my life, in whatever capacity you’re comfortable with. As my lover, my girlfriend, my friend. I’ll take anything I can get. I want time to prove to you who I am, and how we are together when you’re with the real me. The one only you saw in me.”