Blinding Trust (Mitchell Family #7)(48)
Author: Jennifer Foor

Life became hard to focus on that next week. If it weren’t for the kids, I think I would have gone crazy.

Colt said that things wouldn’t change between us, but already I could see him doing extra things to appease me. Not that I didn’t appreciate it, because I most certainly did. I just hated that he was doing it because he felt sorry for what I was going through. All in all, I knew he was going through it as well. I had to keep reminding myself that I wasn’t in this mess alone.

The doctor’s office called on Thursday. I was sitting down matching socks when the phone rang. I think I just knew it was them calling. After a minute, I had an appointment to go in and talk to the doctor that afternoon. I sat there with that phone in my hand just staring at it for at least twenty minutes. I wasn’t shaking or crying. No, I was perfectly still, realizing that this was really happening.

Finally, when I noticed how long I’d been frozen in place, I called Colt and told him that he needed to come home. I didn’t have to tell him why. I think he was expecting the phone call to come when he wasn’t home.

The second he walked in the door, I broke down. We didn’t even know the extent of the results. All we knew was that if it were nothing, they would have told us. We needed to prepare for the worst and just pray it wasn’t that bad.

Colt called my mother to let her know, since I wasn’t in any condition to talk to anyone. By noon, we were on our way to learn my fate.

I was more than petrified. I didn’t know how to feel or act. I knew the risks and the statistics. I knew there was a chance that my life was going to be cut short. I thought about my beautiful babies again. How was I going to be able to look them in the eyes if I found out I wasn’t going to live much longer.

Colt patted me on the leg when we’d arrived and I hadn’t noticed.

We walked into the office holding hands. I was happy about that, considering at any moment I felt like I was going to pass out. I tried to think of all the women and men before me that had come into this office for the same reason. It sickened me to think that it happens so often.

The front desk lady took us right back into the doctor’s office. While waiting for him to come in, Colt reached his hand over and grabbed mine. “I love you, darlin’.”

“I’m so scared, Colt.” I could feel myself shaking in the seat.

The doctor came in catching our attention. Colt cleared his throat and reached over to shake hands with the man.

He sat down across the desk from us and opened up my chart. “Sorry it took so long getting these results. I know it’s hard playing the waiting game.” He pulled out a couple pictures and pointed to certain areas. “This was the spot in question. On this imagine it looks a lot bigger than it actually is.” He read something and then looked up at me. “The good news is that this was detected very early.”

“What’s the bad news?” I couldn’t wait for him to give me the run around. If I was going to die, I wanted to know immediately. I couldn’t take it anymore.

“The area that we biopsied came back malignant.”

Colt squeezed my hand, but said nothing. I could barely get the words out. “So, I have cancer? Am I going to die?”

He put his hands up. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, Mrs. Mitchell. The first thing I would recommend doing is a surgical procedure to remove the mass. If we act now, we can stop the spreading to surrounding areas.”

“So, you can just remove it and I’ll be cancer free?”

“Not exactly. Removing the mass is just the first step. Once we remove the malignant tumor, we can then do a thorough check to make sure that your body is cancer free. Unfortunately, once you have this, is more likely to come back. Many women end up getting mastectomies as a preventative procedure.”

I was crying, but still able to talk. “You want me to cut off my br**sts?”

“I usually give my patients the option upon early detection. Listen Mrs. Mitchell, one in eight women will experience what you’re going through right now. Even men can get breast cancer. Early detection, as is your case, is the best result. We are able to attack the cells before they can broadcast themselves to other organs. It is impertinent that we remove it as soon as possible. However, I would recommend one round of radiation and then we will retest after that.”

“Is there a chance that I could die?”

He took a deep breath. “Cancer is ugly. It takes lives and I’m not going to sugar coat things for you. Right now, where we stand, I have no reason to believe that you can’t beat this. However, you’re going to have to be monitored for the rest of your life. If or when it does come back, we’ll catch it early enough to treat. I tell all of my patients the same thing. You need to take it one day at a time. You absolutely can not dwell on the negative aspects of this. I realize you have a million emotions rolling through your mind, but I do think we can get you through this.”

He was right about the emotions. I felt like I was going to be sick. As the vomit reached my mouth, I ran out in search of a toilet.

Even after I’d finished getting sick, I slouched down on the cold tile floor and lost control. How could this be happening to me? I was always so healthy. I went to church, said my prayers, and tried to be the best person I could be. What did I ever do to deserve this kind of punishment?

A knock on the bathroom door startled me. “Savanna, darlin’, are you alright?”

I stood up and unlocked the door. Colt came in while I was wiping off my face. “I’m not okay. It’s never going to be okay again.” I cried so hard that I know everyone in that office could hear me. I didn’t even care. The doctor’s words continued to repeat in my mind. Over and over I heard him telling me that I had cancer.

“He said we can beat this.”

“He doesn’t know for sure. What if it’s already spread through my body? What am I going to do? How are we going to tell the kids?”

He held me close and rubbed my back. “I ain’t goin’ to lose you, Savanna.”

He could say that as many times as he wanted. It wouldn’t change the fact that I could be dying.

Once he talked me out of the bathroom, the doctor was already with other patients. He had given Colt a bunch of information to take home and go over. The front desk clerk scheduled my first surgery in one week’s time. It was all just happening so fast that I felt like my life was spinning out of control.

Colt was quiet as he drove us home. I leaned my head against the glass window and sobbed. He could have been crying too, but I didn’t have the strength to look his way to see. I just couldn’t handle it.