Blissful Surrender (Bliss #3)(44)
Author: B.J. Harvey

She loves me. Fuck! My heart swells. I knew it, but to hear the words again from her own mouth … nothing can describe it.

“I know what can happen in those backroom games, Sean. I’ve done stints in narcotics and organized crime, and I knew that you were going in there unarmed and without back up which is stupid in that kind of scene. Jeremy has been investigating underground gambling, heading a city wide task force and working toward bringing these guys down. What happened last night has helped him, a lot. I’ve already been down this morning and talked to Ryan. We managed to get him a deal in exchange for his testimony. He escapes his third strike and he’s promised me that whatever it takes, he’ll do it.”

Crap. In all my anger, I didn’t even think about it being Ryan’s third strike. My fist clenches tight and slams down on my desk. I was too closed off, furious with him for screwing up again after so many promises of getting his life sorted to think about the consequences for him. Three strikes would’ve meant jail time, a lot of jail time. The thought of my brother locked up is like a punch to the gut. “Anyway, I hope you get this and that you’ll come see me when you’ve cooled down. I hope you can see where I was coming from and that, given the situation, I had no other option. I’m a cop, I can’t turn a blind eye when I know a crime is being committed, and I wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself if something had happened to you or Ryan. I love my job, but I also love you, Sean. I’ve always loved you. I was just in denial. But I’m not hiding from it anymore. I want you, I want everything you can give me and more. I want to give you me, my body, my heart, everything. I hope you’re still willing to give me the chance.”

Fuck. I’m a pig headed fool.

I stand up suddenly, having to brace myself on my desk as residual dizziness threatens to drop me on my ass. Once the room stops spinning, I push the car service speed dial on my desk phone, ordering a car to take me home as soon as they can get one to me. Swiping my keys off my desk and putting my cell in my back pocket, I lock up the club and make my way out to the front where I wait patiently for the car.

I try to call my home phone to no avail before trying Sam’s cell. It goes unanswered and I hang up before leaving a message. What I need to say needs to be said face to face.

The town car pulls up and I settle in the back seat before telling the driver where to go. Home to my girl.

Sam

It’s nearing two o’clock in the afternoon. I finally have a missed call from Sean, but he didn’t leave a message, so I’m not getting my hopes up until he calls back and I actually hear from him.

I’ve been thinking back on the past four months. Our relationship has been so much easier this time around once I admitted the truth to myself and to Sean. Had I just talked my doubts through with him back when we were first together, we could’ve had a real shot, but I naively listened to my bent out of shape mother and let her twist Sean’s need for control into something ugly and not true. Instead of being able to thrive under his hand and blossom under his dominance in the bedroom, I threw it all away and hid. He was never trying to control and dictate my life. He cared about me.

He loved me.

So when I left that message on Sean’s voicemail this morning, I let everything hang out. I laid it all on the table, not wanting to have the excuse of miscommunication to fall back on. I wanted him to know where I’m coming from and how important my job is to me but also, how important he is to me too. I get the call from Jeremy that Ryan is free to go and that he needs to be picked up. Driving him back to his apartment, he was very quiet, almost contemplative, until I pulled up outside his building. “Ryan, make sure you get something to eat and some sleep. I don’t think you got much of that in the cage.” I smile warmly and his eyes get some of their sparkle back.

“No, I don’t think it’s possible,” he retorts.

“Tomorrow, you need to call your therapist and make another appointment. And I meant what I said a while ago. I’ll come to your GA meetings if you need me to. I’ll sponsor you if that will help.”

“I’m sorry, Sammy. I really am.”

“I know, Ry.”

“Tell Sean I’m sorry.”

“You can tell him yourself. That’s if he ever comes out of wherever he’s hiding.”

“He’ll be at the club, probably locked away in his office. He’ll come to you when he’s calmed down. You’ll see.”

“Glad one of us is confident.”

Before getting out of the car, he leans over and puts his hand on my shoulder. “My brother never got over you, Sam. He never got another girlfriend, and he sure as shit didn’t get married. He’s been all about his career, the club, and obviously bailing me out of shit. Now it’s time for the both of you to get your happily ever after. He’ll come round.”

“I hope so.”

With a gentle kiss goodbye on my cheek, he gets out of my car and walks into his apartment building. I drive home to begin the waiting game, which didn’t end up taking that long.

Sitting on my front step when I pull into my driveway is the elusive man I love.

Chapter 22: “Let’s Stay Together”

Sean

Sam steps out of the car, her eyes cutting straight to me as she takes slow, almost cautious steps toward me, her pursed lips the only sign of her wariness as she sidesteps me on the steps and unlocks her front door.

“Come in.” Her words are soft and unsure, like she’s trying to brace herself for whatever is coming.

“Sammy, I—”

“Let’s get inside first, Sean. I’d rather have a coffee in my hand before we start talking. I’m guessing by the look of you that you’ve had about as much sleep as I had which isn’t much.”

I follow her inside her apartment, then shut the door behind me as I watch her drop her purse on the kitchen counter and head straight for the coffee maker. She turns it on before reaching up and pulling two mugs from the overhead cabinet.

“I just dropped Ryan home. He’s feeling pretty sorry for himself, so I told him to grab something to eat and catch up on sleep.” She’s talking really fast, but her voice is steady and matter of fact. “And Jeremy has talked to the DA and the deal is set in stone. Ryan just has to keep going to GA and meetings with his therapist, then testify against that guy who had him last night. You’ll probably have to testify against him too, but Jeremy didn’t tell me much about what you guys talked about.” She’s so damn nervous that she’s rambling, talking a million miles an hour. “And I offered to be Ryan’s sponsor for GA if he wants me. Otherwise, I said I’d attend meetings with him if he needs me to. Whatever he needs, I’ll do it.”