Branded

She turns and goes back down the steps, flopping her ass down on the grass in the front yard.

I let the dating comment go for now because I’m trying really hard NOT to fight with her, but Jesus Christ! Someone could have filled me in on that shit ahead of time.

“What are you doing?” I ask as I walk down to stand next to her.

“I’m not going back inside that house. Go away,” she tells me stubbornly.

I hear the rumble of a fire truck and smile to myself as it pulls up to the curb right in front of my house. Ah, the cavalry is here.

Walking past Phina, I meet Collin by the side of the truck and shake his hand. “Thanks for doing this. I promise it will only take a minute.”

He opens the front passenger door and reaches inside for the radio, pulling the cord taut as he hands it to me.

“Are you kidding me, I wouldn’t miss this shit for the world!” Collin says with a laugh. “Cord should reach all the way to the top. Just stomp on the roof when you’re ready.”

Collin jumps back inside the truck on the passenger side and I put the cord to the radio in my mouth and climb up the side of the truck until I’m at the top. I stomp twice on the roof and Collin pounds back from the inside. From up here, I have a clear view of Phina still sitting on the lawn looking pissed off, but a little curious. I clear my throat nervously and press the talk button on the radio.

“My name is DJ Taylor and I’m a dick.”

My voice echoes through the neighborhood since Collin turned on the switch to the external speaker and I hear him laugh from inside the truck.

I stomp my foot again to get him to stop cackling at my expense.

I point towards Phina and continue. “That beautiful woman right there gave me the most amazing gift in the world and I shit all over it.”

Her mouth drops open as she stares at me. I hear dogs start to bark and see a few neighbors walking out on their front porch to see what all the commotion is about.

“I just want you to know, in front of God and all of my neighbors, that I DO remember. I remember it all. It took me fifteen fucking years to remember and that doesn’t make it okay, but I remember. I’m sorry for hurting you, I’m sorry that I broke your heart and I’m sorry that you don’t trust me because of it. Did I forget anything?”

She pushes herself up from the grass and glares at me.

“You’re an asshole!” she shouts.

“Right, also, I am a complete and total asshole,” I announce into the radio.

She turns around and stomps back up my stairs and into the house, slamming the door behind her. With a smile, I climb back down off of the rig and hand Collin the radio through the open passenger window.

A few of the neighbors clap and I wave my hand at them.

“Got it all on video. Can’t wait to show it to the guys,” Collin laughs as he slides over behind the wheel.

“Fuck you.”

He continues to laugh as he starts up the truck. “Good luck in there, buddy.”

I turn away from the truck as he pulls away and head inside the house. I find Phina back in the kitchen, pacing across the tile, still fuming. She stops moving when I walk up to her.

“Why in the hell did you do that?”

“I just wanted you to know how sorry I am. And I wasn’t lying when I said I remember. I remember you asking me to go slow, I remember how I felt like the luckiest fucker in the entire world and I remember thinking that it must be a dream because the girl I had been in love with for years would never give something like that to an idiot like me,” I explain. “I had A LOT to drink that night, and I know it doesn’t excuse anything, but it’s the only excuse I have. And do you know why I said that shit to you the next morning? Because my hung-over ass really thought you’d slept with someone else and I was pissed. I’d wanted you for as long as I could remember and I wanted to kick the ass of whoever got to have you. If I could, I would kick my own ass right now.”

I hold my breath as she walks closer to me.

“You drive me crazy,” she says.

“The feeling is mutual. When do you want to go to your place and pack a bag?”

She rolls her eyes and shakes her head at me.

“That is non-negotiable. I am still not going to live with you.”

I let myself touch her, wrapping my hands around her arms.

“I need to make sure your safe. I don’t want to worry about you when you’re not here.”

She shrugs out of my grasp angrily and takes a step back.

“I am not your fucking responsibility!” she shouts, smacking her hands into my chest.

I move towards her, refusing to let her move away from me. “I love you! That makes you my fucking responsibility!”

“I love you! That makes you my fucking responsibility!”

Oh, Jesus, why did he have to go and say THAT?

I hear the conviction in his voice, see the pure honesty in his eyes and it’s like someone punched their fist right through the walls of my chest, wrapped their hand around my heart and squeezed the life out of it. I’ve never felt more unworthy than I do right at this moment. How can he love me? How can he possibly love someone with so much baggage and who is so clearly fucked up? I’m standing here hitting him again when all I want to do is latch onto him and never let go. His words mean more to me than he could ever know. No man has ever loved me. No man has ever looked at me and saw something more, something deeper, something other than the façade. DJ sees me. He sees what I could be, he recognizes that there’s more to me than the bitch who pushes everyone away, and it scares the shit out of me. His words have branded my soul and have cracked that last piece of armor I’ve firmly held in place for so long. I want to fall apart in his arms and beg him to give me more, which just makes me lash out.