Chaos series by Kristen Ashley

“Yes, but you and I are moving on to something that’s good and, obviously, since it lasted a while for you two, when she started it with you, she thought she was moving onto something good too,” I pointed out.

“I saw you,” he replied, and my head tipped on the pillow as I felt my brows inch together.

“Pardon?”

“With that guy outside DCPA. You were wearin’ a red dress.”

My heart squeezed, I felt my eyes get big and I stared at him.

I remembered that night. That was the night Jason took me to see Les Mis.

“You saw me?” I asked.

“You were alone, looked beautiful but lost. You saw him, he got to you, you leaned into him, kissed him, made him laugh and then he kissed you. I saw it. All of it.”

Wow, he really did see this, and he remembered it better than I did until he just reminded me.

I didn’t know what to make of this or the reminder of Jason when I hadn’t thought of him once. Not once. Not once since Shy stormed into my apartment.

Before I could make anything of it, Shy kept talking.

“Didn’t like it,” he stated.

Not keeping up, I asked, “Didn’t like what?”

“Seein’ you with another guy. Didn’t like it.”

My hand slid up his arm at my waist and I whispered, “Shy, honey, I don’t—”

“I had the taste of you in my mouth, so sweet, for four years. Your grudge and you hatin’ me made that taste as bitter as it was sweet. Didn’t get it, what I was feelin’, not until I heard you were gettin’ hitched. Then I knew I was gone for you. Don’t know how it happened, just know it did. Seein’ you with another guy cut deep. Then you lost him, and I felt that for you. Even removed, I felt it. And when you called me, I realized if I didn’t get my shit together it would be empty pu**y and parties for the rest of my life, and I’d never have a woman who was lost without me.” His hand moved from my waist to frame the side of my face, and his voice got quiet when he said, “Just to be clear, the point of findin’ that is not makin’ a woman be lost without me like Rosalie will be for a while until she moves on. The point of findin’ that is to have that feeling, be able to give that gift, to work at keepin’ it good so my woman never feels lost because she knows she’ll never be without me.”

I closed my eyes and my fingers curved spasmodically around his forearm.

That was beautiful, amazing, right, and the best part about it was, if I wasn’t mistaken, he wanted to give that to me.

I opened my eyes again when he kept talking.

“I’m sorry I had to bring him up but you gotta know that’s where I’m at. That’s why I stepped away from the empty pu**y and parties and looked for somethin’ that meant somethin’. The problem was, I found you a month before Rosalie and I had the somethin’ that meant somethin’. I just didn’t think you wanted me that way and I liked spendin’ time with you enough, I was willin’ to take what you could give me.” His eyes warmed. “Now you’re willin’ to give me more and I’m gonna take that too.”

Suffice it to say, I was willing to give more to Shy, but he knew that and I had to go over some of the more important things he said.

So I commenced in doing that.

“You were gone for me?” I asked softly and got a grin in return as his face dipped closer.

“You and me may not have been tight since the day we first saw each other, but am I the kind of guy who hangs around listenin’ to bitches moan about work while ruining a dinner I gotta eat?” he asked.

No, he was absolutely not that kind of guy.

My belly got warmer and I whispered, “No.”

His eyes moved over my face again before they caught mine and he whispered back, “Gone for you.”

I closed my eyes and pulled in breath.

Yes, this was right.

“Sugar, look at me,” Shy ordered gently, and I opened my eyes. “Let’s go over it all. You are not Rosalie. That shit that went down with her will not go down with you. On that, baby, you got my word. When it goes around that we’re an us, we’re gonna face shit from the Club. How that’s gonna come, I don’t know, but I suspect it’ll come from your dad, even Cherry, and we gotta stand strong and prove to them this is what it is. And last and most important, to stand strong and prove it to them and ourselves, we gotta get our shit together and get outta this pattern where you go into your head and freeze me out and I get pissed and say shit that’s outta line. That means you gotta suck it up when I call you on your shit, and you gotta be willin’ to call me on mine. Are you with me on all this?”

I nodded.

After I nodded I found my mouth forming the word Why?

His head jerked slightly and his brows drew together before he repeated, “Why?”

It came out, I had to go with it.

“Yeah, Shy, why? Why me? Why us? You seem pretty sure, and I—”

I stopped talking when a big, beautiful white smile spread on his handsome face right before he burst out laughing.

He was good-looking always, better when he was laughing, but it kinda peeved me he was laughing when I wasn’t being funny.

“Shy,” I snapped into his laughter. He sobered, kind of, and focused on me. Then he started speaking.

“Baby, I got a piece of tail, I f**k,” he announced, and that didn’t make me any less peeved. I figured he noted that because he carried on, “I f**k and I do it hard. I take what I want and if the bitch gets off, golden. If she doesn’t let go enough to let me take her there, that’s not my problem.”

Again, this didn’t make me feel much better.

“I’m not sure why you’re sharing this with me, Shy,” I told him. “I’m equally unsure I feel real good about what you’re sharing.”

His hand shifted minutely so his thumb could move over my cheek and my lips before his eyes got intense and he explained, “I have never, not once, not in my life, made love to any woman. Not once. Not until what I just did with you.”

Oh.

Wow.

That was a good response.

“I had you up against the headboard, baby, but that was not f**king and it came natural. It’s what we have. I didn’t know that’s what I’d get but I’m pleased as f**k you gave it to me. That alone answers your why when it comes to the us part. As for why it’s you, I don’t know, I don’t care. It just is. It could be ’cause you’re gorgeous. It could be ’cause you’re funny. It could be ’cause I like the way you handled Pete when he lost his daughter. It could be ’cause you and me got Chaos in common, it’s us, it’s in our blood and this was meant to be. It could be ’cause I like the way you are with your family. It could be ’cause you get off on bein’ on the back of my bike almost as much as I get off straddling it. I figure it’s all that and more. I am not gonna analyze it. I’m gonna feel it ’cause I like it and that’s all there is to it.”