Chaos series by Kristen Ashley

“I haven’t already heard it,” I shared. “How was the Club different?”

“They were into some serious bad shit then.”

Oh dear.

I was right. I didn’t want to know.

Still, I had to.

So I pushed. “What kind of serious bad shit?”

“Seriously serious bad shit,” Hop evaded.

“Hop—”

“Lanie.” He lifted a hand and cupped my cheek. “It was not good. What it is, is over.”

“I think maybe I need to understand this,” I told him though I didn’t think I needed that. But I knew, if we went the distance, I’d have to know.

“I think maybe you need to trust me that you don’t.”

“So what if I hear talk?” I pressed.

“You’ll know it’s over.”

“Hop—” I began and his face suddenly got closer.

“Drugs,” he bit out, the word sharp but almost strangled, like he had his own monster who’d dragged it out of him and he had no control, no way to hold it back.

I gasped and he continued. “And girls. Seriously bad shit, lady. Seriously bad shit that Tack wanted nothin’ to do with. He wasn’t president back then but that didn’t mean he didn’t have an exit plan for the Club on all that shit. He also had patience. A lot of it. And part of his plan was not only workin’ behind the scenes to turn brothers to his mission but also to recruit brothers who would fight his side. I was one of the brothers he recruited. Dog and Brick, too. It took time and the takeover was hostile. It was a dark time for the Club but Tack planned for that, too. He led us to the light and that’s where we are now, Lanie. Swear to Christ. We’re in the light.”

“Drugs and girls?” I asked breathlessly.

“It’s over.”

“Girls?” My voice was pitching higher.

“Baby,” his hand pressed into my face, “it’s over.”

“So, if it’s over, what about Benito?” I asked.

“I already told you, not talkin’ about Benito and you gotta trust me on that, too.”

“Hop—”

He interrupted me this time by rolling full on top of me and framing my head in both hands.

“This shit… fuck,” he ground out, paused and his face betrayed an inner battle before he continued, “you gotta know. You asked, this is part of me but this shit, I didn’t wanna tell you until later. But you asked so here it is. When I got in the Club, we were into that shit. You became a brother, you did your duty to the Club, and part of my duties was that shit.”

Suddenly, something High said weeks before penetrated.

“Exactly what part of that shit did you do?” I asked.

He held my eyes and answered straight out. “Lots of it but mostly, looked after the girls.”

My body jerked under his like it was trying to get away but his weight pinned me to the bed and his thumb swept down to press into my lips.

Even with his thumb hindering my words, I said, “You have a way with gash.”

His eyes flashed at my words. “Lanie, hear me, I did not like doin’ that shit and I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t know that it was a means to an end. Tack made promises, promises he kept, that it was temporary.”

“So you were a pimp?” I whispered in horror and his thumb swept away.

“Chaos pimped. I just took care of the girls.”

“I’m not seeing the nuance of difference, Hop,” I told him, my hands now at his shoulders, putting on pressure, and his jaw clenched.

“Hard to see since that nuance is just that. Chaos is me, I’m Chaos. But I wasn’t a pimp, woman. Another brother had that job. I was an enforcer. A girl got worked over, she came to me and I dealt with it. I wasn’t just an enforcer for the girls, I was one for the Club. I’m good with my fists. You learn that shit when you spend most of your life in bars, you have a guitar in your hands or not. When we were starting out, some of those bars were rough and shit happens. The president of the Club back then, he noticed I had talent in that area and he was a man who used that kinda talent. I took their backs. The girls just trusted me. I don’t have a way with gash, Lanie. But a john works you over and a man goes out and makes him bleed for that mistake, that bitch is gonna be grateful. It came natural and those women would have given it to any brother who took their backs like that.”

He was angry at my comment. I knew it because I felt it but I also knew it because he called me “woman” and he’d never done that.

It was also interesting to understand how he felled monster truck man so easily.

I didn’t share this with him.

I told him honestly if cautiously, “I’m not sure that’s much better.”

“You would be right,” he retorted. “I’m not gonna lie to you. I did what I did but it wasn’t my choice and it wasn’t my decision. But it was my decision to join the Club, take Tack’s back, help him maneuver himself to the gavel and be a soldier in the war that would get us out of that shit. In order to do it, I had to do what I had to do.”

“Did you sleep with those girls?” I asked.

“Fuck no.”

“Give them drugs?”

Hop went silent and bile crawled up my throat.

I pushed through the sick. “You gave them drugs?”

“No, but Chaos had access and brothers, brothers that are gone now, did.”

I closed my eyes and turned my head to the side.

Hop moved it back into position and I opened my eyes to glare at him, because I did not like this, any of it, only to see him scowling at me.

“Two years, Lanie, two f**kin’ years I worked those girls, keepin’ them together, tryin’ to get them straight, helpin’ them plan for when Tack executed his takeover and we cut them loose. That life, not a good one and you’re hooked on shit, you’ll do pretty much anything to keep yourself supplied with it. I tried to do it smart, keep them quiet and move them out of the life and two of those bitches talked. We lost a brother because of that, Lanie. They opened their mouths, shit got out to the wrong people and Tack had to move to shut it down and we lost a brother. Takin’ us out of that life into the one where we are now was not easy, everyone’s hands got dirty. Blood flowed but, where we are now, what we can give to our kids, it was worth it.”

“You lost a brother?” I asked and he unexpectedly knifed away, lifted an arm and pointed at the tattoo on his bicep.