Chaos series by Kristen Ashley

He also knew the man he became when he lost her.

Having that name back was like having that man back. Washing away the shit of his life without Millie and starting clean.

It would take more than that but that didn’t mean it didn’t feel fucking great.

“Hey, Deb,” he replied. “The girls good?”

“They’re hoping for more snow so school will be canceled tomorrow,” she told him. “But it’s good. They’re clearing the roads. Company sent us home on Friday, so I’ll probably need to go in this afternoon to do some catch-up so I’m not swamped on Monday. But Mom said she could come around and look after the girls when I do.”

Deb had a great job, made good money as the manager of the shipping department of a computer parts factory in town. They had five factories all over the world and were corporate through and through, but they weren’t assholes, which was good in times like these since they did shit like send her home when a storm got bad.

And he knew Deb’s mom, Connie, would look after the girls. Her son had taken a job in Idaho, married a woman there, had kids there. Her other daughter had moved to Alabama when her husband had been transferred, and obviously their kids went with them. So Connie only had Cleo and Zadie to shower with love and attention and she had a lot of both for her grandbabies and she did it as often as she could.

High liked Connie. She was a good woman. Her husband had walked out on her when her kids were young and then did only the minimum of what a father should do for his kids financially and to be in their lives, so it was all on her to raise them and do it right.

This had been one of the reasons why Deb had accepted his ring. It wasn’t lost on her how hard it was for her mother to do what she did for her children. She didn’t want that for herself or her own kids.

So she took his ring and the only way that didn’t end as a massive fuckup was that they had Zadie and they both loved their girls.

“Cool,” he muttered, pouring beans into the grinder, then setting the bag aside. “Got somethin’ goin’ down but would like to see ’em tomorrow.”

“That works, High,” she replied.

He drew in breath and looked out the window over Millie’s sink that showed a view of her courtyard and his truck, all covered in snow.

It was gorgeous.

And looking at it, it struck him some of the changes in his Millie, some of the things she’d built along the way, absolutely did not suck.

And looking at it, after what had happened the last two days, what they’d lost, he knew he couldn’t dick around.

So he lowered his voice when he went on.

“Also need for us to have a conversation, private. You and me, not the girls. Nothin’ bad. Just need to talk to you about something.”

There was barely a beat of pause before she stated, “You’re with someone.”

He felt his head jerk in surprise at her jumping right to that.

Then he asked, “You talk to an old lady?”

He heard her laugh. It wasn’t filled with humor. It wasn’t bitter either. Deb was and always had been no-nonsense. Almost emotionless. Definitely passionless. She didn’t get bitter.

She loved her girls. Like any good mother, like her mother taught her, she showered love and attention (and when it was needed, discipline) on her daughters.

Other than that, there was nothing there.

“A Chaos old lady phoning me to gossip?” she asked, then continued, “I don’t think so.”

He should have known.

She was not a fan of Chaos. Therefore, Chaos were not fans of Deb.

He turned his back to the window and rested his hips against the counter. “Well, I can confirm it’s that.”

“You’re a free agent, High,” she pointed out.

Yeah.

Passionless.

She was the same kind of lay. She got the job done. But there was nothing else to it.

She did her wifely duties. It wasn’t good, it wasn’t shit, it was never close to what he had with Millie back in the day and now, but he’d never stepped out on her. No one caught his eye to push him even to considering it.

But even if it had, he wouldn’t have done that to Deb. A man was any man at all, no matter what was going down at home, he didn’t fuck over the mother of his children in any way, but especially not that way.

So he didn’t.

Another reason why they finished things. Not because she wanted to find something good. Not because she gave enough of a shit about him that she wanted him to find that for himself.

Because the longer she gave him nothing much, the more she figured she courted a betrayal that was not hers to claim—a betrayal of the heart—but as his wife it was hers to claim… legally.

“I know, Deb,” he replied to her free agent comment. “And we’ll talk more when I got you face to face.”

“You want to introduce her to the girls,” she surmised.

“Yeah,” he confirmed.

“Okay,” she stated. “We’ll talk. But it’s not like I didn’t know this would happen and I trust you. You wouldn’t bring just any women into the girls’ lives. And anyway, I think this would be good for Cleo. She worries about you. It might even be good for Zadie. She needs to get her head wrapped around the end of us and if you’re moving on, that might happen.”

High wasn’t surprised at her reaction to him having a woman in his life. She wasn’t about jealousy. She wasn’t about anything but her daughters. It was like she knew from what her father taught her that she’d never have that kind of love in her life, so she convinced herself early she could live without it.