Come As You Are
“You’re in a fun mood.”
“Oh, sorry. I meant to be more chipper, but I had my heart slaughtered.”
Her eyes widen as she crunches. “See? I knew you really liked him.”
I groan. “Of course I really like him. I told you everything. He’s wonderful, and amazing, and incredible, and this situation is absolutely like some ridiculous curse of the universe. It’s like my cursed wedding dress. Like Ray leaving me for no reason.”
She crunches as she talks, and it’s impressive. That must be some Guinness World Record feat, akin to contortionism or pulling off twenty-four hours’ worth of jumping jacks. “It’s kind of crazy that you finally met somebody who makes you feel like you can take a chance again, but you feel like you can’t take a chance with him.”
I sigh and drop down on the mat, my entire body going floppy and flat. “I can’t take a chance with him.”
Courtney shrugs as she cycles her legs. “Maybe you can.”
“If there was a way, I would’ve found it. I swear I would have.”
“This isn’t the Lost City of Atlantis, Sabrina.”
I shoot her a look. “I’m not saying it is.”
She hums. “You kind of are.”
I sigh heavily. “So, what are you saying, Courtney?”
“I’m saying that taking a chance with him isn’t some great secret mystery to unlock. It’s not a code to crack. It’s making a choice.”
I arch a brow. “It’s that easy? Just choose the dish from the appetizer list and have him for dinner?”
Courtney quirks her lips. “I suspect you’d like having him for dinner every night. Which is my point. You can choose Flynn. No one is holding your feet to the fire except you.”
I open my mouth to protest, but she holds up a hand and shakes her head, still crunching. “What are you going to do? Give up perfect guy after perfect guy?”
“He’s the only perfect guy I’ve ever met,” I grumble.
“Exactly,” she says triumphantly. “And you’re letting him go because you think you don’t deserve it. Because you can’t make time for it. Because you’ll never find another job again. Because of your brother. Because of, because of, because of. Jobs come and go, Sabrina. But good men?” She stops mid-cycle and sits up, ceasing crunching. “They don’t come around often. More like once in a blue moon.”
“He is pretty amazing,” I concede.
“Maybe it’s time to take care of yourself. Maybe this time, do what you want because you deserve it, not because it’s the ‘right thing to do.’ Do it because this is the only thing that makes sense to your heart.”
I inhale deeply, processing her advice, then narrow my eyes at her. “Stop being so wise.”
“I can’t help it. It comes naturally to me. Like crunches.”
And just like crunches, following her advice will be hard.
But what if it’s worth it?
What if he’s the chance I should be taking?
I flash back to my conversation with Kevin yesterday, to the questions he posed, to the truth I’ve known all along.
I know what I have to do. I have to do the right thing.
But I can also do the only thing I want for my heart.
Because she’s right. You don’t let a once-in-a-blue-moon man pass you by.
* * *
Flynn
I shoot at a cardboard cutout of a building. Dylan rounds the corner and aims at a guy we know who runs a food delivery app. “Take that,” he mutters, pointing at the guy’s back with his laser gun.
A beam of red light knocks the guy down. The dude falls dramatically and curses at Dylan. My brother simply moves on, hunting the next opponent. He’s a competitive bastard, and I’m playing laser tag with him in his CEO game at Chelsea Piers.
Dylan careens around the corner, taking risk after risk, firing and amassing the most points. That’s one of the things I’ve always admired about my brother. He’s more fearless than I am. He takes more chances.
He was always the one who was willing to jump. I was the thinker in our partnership.
But as I watch him giving his all, playing his heart out, I realize I could learn from him. Like Sabrina said, there’s something to our twin-ness. Maybe I need some of his Wonder Twin power.
When we’re done, I smack him on the back and say, “You’re freaking awesome. You just go for it.”
“Hell, yeah. Balls to the wall. Give it everything.”
As we leave, I power my phone back on, intending to click open my text messages and ask Sabrina if she’s free to see me. I’m ready to go for it. Give it everything.
Once my phone boots up, I find a note from her.
Angel: Could you meet me at Gramercy Park tonight? I hear you have a key.
26
Sabrina
Dear Mr. Galloway,
Thank you so much for the opportunity to write for Up Next. I’m so grateful that you gave me this chance. I loved every moment of working on this piece. I’ve written what I think is a fair and accurate story that dives into who Flynn is and illustrates why he is a next-generation visionary.
I turned in the piece last night, as you know, but in the interest of full disclosure, I need to inform you that while reporting this story I’ve developed feelings for Mr. Parker, and I acted upon those feelings. I would like to tell you those emotions didn’t affect what I wrote. I hope they didn’t, but that is for you to decide.
I want you to know the facts. I will await your decision, and I remain grateful for the opportunity.
Sincerely,
Sabrina Granger
As I read the letter one last time, my stomach swoops, but then everything settles down.
A brand-new calm spreads through me. I’m no longer a caged lion.
Perhaps that’s from knowing I’m making the right choice. I might not get the prize. I don’t have a safety net. But I hope there’s a better prize waiting for me. The best prize.
When I look back on this moment five years from now, whether I’m with Flynn or not, I’ll know I took the chance my heart was telling me to take.
Even if your heart has been broken, it doesn’t mean you have to put it on ice forever. It can thaw. Mine did, and sometimes it’s worth taking the leap without a net.
Flynn is that leap.
He’s worth it.
There’s no what-if about it.
My finger hovers over the send button, ready to fire it off, when a new message pops up in my inbox.
It’s one from Mr. Galloway.
It startles me, and I actually jump. I look behind me. It’s as if I’m being watched, which is a ridiculous thing to think. But there it is—the thought in my head.
Maybe he already knows.
Maybe Kermit got to him.
I click to open the email.
Dear Sabrina,
Could you please come in tomorrow morning? We can discuss the piece then. It’s quite good. But there are some things I need to talk to you about.
Sincerely,
Bob Galloway
I wait for the note to hurt. I wait for the fear.
It doesn’t come.
Whatever he has to tell me, I can handle it. I’ve made my choice. I chose love.
I save my note to him in my drafts folder. Some things are better said in person. I will tell him tomorrow.
Tonight is for me.
I slip into an emerald-green dress I finished a few days ago, pop in two pairs of angel-shaped stud earrings, clip one side of my hair in a silver ladybug barrette, and head to what I hope is the first of many dates with Flynn Parker.