Come to Me Softly (Closer to You #2)(38)
Author: A.L. Jackson

God, I hated seeing him this way.

Cautiously, I slipped forward, never looking away from him as I approached. I wrapped myself around his back. Pressing my face into his spine, I fastened my hands around his stomach. The wooden fence bit against my thighs as I flattened myself to this beautiful man.

I wanted to sink into him, to search for all the guilt and shame inside him. Rid him of it.

Because when he fled from my parents’ house, it was the only thing I could see.

Jared released a weighted breath. He dropped his cigarette to the ground and toed it out. For the longest time, silence took us over. We swam in it. Tension thickened in the crisp fall air.

I knew he was hurt. Those words had cut him deep. I wanted to shield him from them, protect him, but this was just another obstacle we had to face. All I could do was support him, hold him the way I was now, my touch a promise that I didn’t believe the accusations my father had spewed.

Finally, he spoke, the words a strained groan. “Fuck, Aly.” Harshly, he shook his head. It seemed in surrender. “I knew I shouldn’t come here. I don’t belong here. Your dad is right.” He slumped farther forward in a blatant attempt to move away. “Every f**king word of it . . . he’s right.”

His pain pushed into my spirit, and I wound my arms tighter around him, unwilling to allow him to drive any distance between us. The words came as a muted whisper as I begged at his back, “No, he’s not. He doesn’t know you, not the way I do. He’s just surprised.” I blinked into the darkness, trying to make sense of what had just gone down inside. “Shocked,” I added. “There’s a big difference.”

Even though my voice lowered, my tone strengthened. “And even if he really believed what he said, it doesn’t change anything.” I hugged him closer, my cheek pressed flat against his shoulder blade. “Do you remember what I told you the night you came back? I love all of it, Jared. I love all of you. And what I think is what’s important, not him or anyone else. It’s just you and me. Nothing else matters.”

Jared brought both his hands over mine that were clasped in his shirt, and we fell back into silence.

I didn’t say anything, because I could feel it bubbling inside of him, a swelling of thoughts and emotions brimming at the surface. Fighting for release.

Plastering myself to his back, I hugged him closer. Stood behind him. Holding him. Giving him whatever support I could.

A palpable tremor rolled through him. “How long have they been gone?” The words came on a stuttered breath, on all the pain it took him to force the question from his mouth. Immediately I knew he was asking about his father and his sister.

I didn’t know how I managed to pull him closer, but I did. “Jared,” I said, wavering on what to say because this was something I didn’t know, something I hadn’t even really considered because it’d happened so long ago. But Jared had been estranged from his family for longer. “Did you . . .” I chanced through a whisper, “Did you know about your grandma?”

Jared gripped my hands harder. “Yeah,” he said, sorrow weaving through his tone. I felt him quake before he continued to speak. “They brought me in to see this social-worker lady when I was in juvie . . . I’d been in there a long time . . . I don’t know . . . like a year and a half or something. Had been in another fight the day before and I figured I’d done it that time and they were finally going to give me a real punishment, send me away for good, but instead she sat me down and told me my grandma was gone. Said she could arrange to get me to the funeral.” His voice cracked. “Fuck.” He ran a shaky hand through his hair. “I just couldn’t go, Aly. I couldn’t. I didn’t belong there, either.”

A sob thickened in my throat. Jared had been through so much. Lost so much.

I pushed around the sorrow. “It happened during the second summer you were gone. Your sister had been living with your grandparents after the accident, but when your grandma passed, your grandpa brought your sister back here to your dad. I guess he didn’t think he could take care of her without your grandma. Two days later, the house was for sale. They moved about a month later.”

I could hear him gritting his teeth, like he could grind away the panic that came with talking about his family. “You know where they went?”

I shook my head against his back. “No. He still didn’t have much to do with my parents. He promised my mom he’d be in contact, but he never was.”

Remorse tightened Jared’s voice. “I haven’t seen my sister since she was nine.” He looked away, his head bobbing like he was calculating. “God . . . she has to be like fifteen now.”

Terror filled me with the assertion I had to make, but I was more terrified of what would happen if I didn’t voice it. “Jared, you need to find your father.”

My gut burned with this truth. Jared needed to face his father, face the past, if he was ever going to heal.

“No.” The word came harsh and fierce, with a brute force that knocked loose the breath in my lungs. He squeezed my hands like he was trying to soften the blow. “No, Aly,” he said again through a ragged murmur. “I told you before, I ruined his life. Not going back there. What’s done is done.”

“Jared, I—”

His hands clamped down on mine. “Please . . . Aly . . . you need to let it go. For me, I need you to let it go.”

“Okay,” I said with the greatest reluctance, because nothing inside me agreed. Ultimately Jared would have to face his family. I knew it.

I thought maybe he did, too. He just wasn’t ready yet.

A heavy sigh puffed from his lips, before he slowly turned around to face me. Chills rushed through my body when he set his cold palm on my face. I leaned into it, welcomed the freezing burn.

“I’m sorry, Aly,” he whispered, running his thumb under my eye.

“What are you apologizing for?”

“For being me . . . for not being better for you. You deserve someone you can bring home without it ending in a war zone in your house.”

“You are the best thing for me.” There was no being better. “Remember it’s just you and me. Nothing else matters.”

His strong hand spread out against my still flat belly where our child grew. Blue eyes flamed when they locked on mine. “Just you and me and this.”

Everything softened, the tension, the worry, the shame that had seethed through his veins.