Deadly Game (GhostWalkers #5)(94)
Author: Christine Feehan

She’d had many sexual encounters—but none of them good until Ken had come into her life, and she had no idea how to really kiss or love someone. She knew the mechanics better than most, but not how to love a man—and she wanted to love this man with everything in her. It was the only thing she had to give him—before she said good-bye.

“What’s wrong?” Ken’s hands framed her face. “Tell me.”

She couldn’t meet his concerned gaze. He’d just been driving her wild with kisses, and she was thinking that she wanted to make this the best time of his life, and yet—for her it would be the worst, knowing she couldn’t stay.

He bent to kiss her again, this time gently, feather-light, a mere brush of his lips against hers. That little rasp of his scar mixing with the softness of his mouth sent wings fluttering in the pit of her stomach. He hadn’t meant it as a sexual overture, she could tell, but whatever his intentions, he’d sent a surge of heat spreading through her body.

“Mari.” He gave her a little shake. “We have to do this together. I don’t want you hiding from me.”

“That’s impossible when you seem to know what I’m thinking all the time.”

“You need to talk to me.”

Mari pulled out of his arms and crossed to the window. “How am I supposed to tell you I feel completely inadequate at this? Especially when you’re kissing the sense out of me.”

To her shock he burst out laughing as he followed her, coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her, drawing her back against him. His hands locked over her ribs, the backs of his hands brushing the undersides of her br**sts. She was immediately aware of his erection, thick and hard pressed tightly against her bu**ocks.

“Then we’re both feeling inadequate. I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, other than trying my best to seduce you into wanting to stay with me. I don’t know any other way. I want to be good at a relationship, but look how I live.” He nodded toward the window. “I’m a loner. I always have been. Maybe my life was shaped that way out of necessity. I react violently when things go wrong, and it was always better to be in control of my environment. In point of fact, I’m not good at relationships.” He kissed the side of her neck, his mouth lingering there. “But it’s nice to know I can kiss the sense out of you.”

“That’s not true at all, Ken,” she protested. “You’re really good at this.”

“I’m good at sex, Mari—or I used to be—but I’ve never had sex when it really mattered. Not like this. I never knew a man could feel this way about a woman. I can’t imagine ever touching anyone else—or wanting them to touch me. But I’m not any better at relationships than you are. We’ll find our way together, even if we’re fumbling around in the dark for a while.”

“How could I have stayed there so long? There must have been ways for me to find out if Briony was safe.”

“Whitney controlled her just as he controlled you. He just gave her the illusion of freedom. In the end, when her parents stopped cooperating with his plans for her, he sent a couple of his supersoldiers to murder them. At any time during her childhood he could have snatched her back, and probably would have if you had managed to escape. You kept her safe.”

She leaned her head back against his chest. “At least I did that right.”

“Don’t stay for her, Mari. Stay for me.”

His tone was utterly without expression, but the words conveyed pain. There were so many nuances and she knew most people would never understand Ken. He presented one image to the world and dealt with his monsters alone. She knew what that was like and she didn’t want him to be alone any more than she wanted to be alone.

“I’m not going to lie and say I don’t want to see her desperately. She kept me going all those years. Everything I ever wanted, I dreamed she had. I want to get to know her and look into her eyes and know, not just hope, that’s she’s happy, but I came here for you.” She had. That much was true, but the thought of staying terrified her. She had skills, but none of them were needed here.

Ken wanted to believe her, and he wanted to believe she would stay for him as well, but he was beginning to know her and he could tell she was torn. He couldn’t blame her. He would never be able to step aside the way he did with Jack. He would stand in front of her, and she wanted him beside her. She wanted complete freedom, and he would never be able to give that to her.

At that moment she turned her head to look up at him. “You have shadows in your eyes, Ken. Isn’t it strange how Whitney thinks he’s controlling us with his pheromones, but neither of us would feel so vulnerable if it was just that? Somehow our emotions are involved, as if there really is destiny or a higher power and we were made for one another. No matter what he does with his experiments, he can’t factor that in.”

His hand slipped over her hair. “No, he can’t. He’s a very sad, lonely man. He’s driven by his madness, and his inability to figure out why humans react the way they do. He wants robots able to make decisions, but decisions he deems best. No matter how he inserts animal DNA and genetic capabilities, he’ll never find the perfection he seeks.”

“He thinks he’s perfect.”

“He wants to think that,” Ken corrected, “but he knows it isn’t true. The only decent thing he’s ever done in his life is to stay away from Lily. I hope he continues to do so, but he’s broken her heart.”

“He monitors her all the time. He does everyone. He has a file on you, on me, on your brother and Briony.”

“The one thing we have going for us with Whitney,” Ken said, “is that he wants you to have my baby and he wants Briony to have Jack’s. After the children are born, they’ll be high-risk, but until then, he may leave us alone to see what happens.”

She turned around and began to push up his shirt so she could burrow close to his skin. “I wouldn’t know any more about taking care of a baby than I would a husband.”

“Fortunately, we’re both fast learners.”

“Speak for yourself.”

“I don’t know, honey, you got the hang of making love very fast.”

Mari wanted him again, with every nerve ending suddenly alive and screaming for his body, but she pulled back to look at him—really look at him. Ken Norton could break her heart. Ken had somehow managed to creep into her heart—worse, he’d managed to find a way into her soul. Had her reaction to him stayed physical, she would have been all right, but he threatened her on an emotional level that was frightening.