Deep Redemption

The sounds of the brothers and their wives or sluts came drifting from the bar. It was family day at the Hangmen. The sound of laughter and loud cheering filled every inch of space. While I was locked away to make sure no fucker touched me.

I closed my eyes, just trying to fucking breathe, when I heard the door click open and close. Annoyed at the unwanted intrusion, I opened my eyes, ready to ask whoever it was to leave. Then I froze.

Mae.

Silence stretched between us as she began walking toward my bed. I watched her the entire way, not knowing what the fuck to say. What was there to say? Guilt and a truckload of embarrassment flooded through me when I thought of what I’d done to her. What I’d put her through . . . the crazy fucking obsession I used to have with her.

Mae sat down on the chair beside my bed and looked straight into my eyes.

“Mae—” I began, but she suddenly held up her hand, cutting me off.

“No. Please, let me speak,” she said softly. I nodded my head. Mae glanced down at her hands on her lap. “Just tell me you love her.” I tensed as those words left her mouth. When I didn’t immediately respond, Mae looked up. “I need to know that you want her, heart and soul. I need to know that you love her completely. Forever. I need to know that she is your everything and always will be.”

My racing heart pumped the blood around my body at a breakneck speed. “Yes.” My voice came out raspy and broken. I cleared my throat, feeling heat flood my cheeks. “I love her more than anything, Mae. You have no idea how much.” I searched my head for the right words “I have waited my entire life to feel whole. I thought it would come with my ascension. Instead it came with her. From the minute I heard her voice . . . I was changed.” I lifted my hand and placed it over my heart. “I would die for her. I would do anything for her. You have my word.”

Mae’s blue eyes shimmered and a small smile pulled on her lips. Unable to leave anything unsaid, I rasped, “Mae.” I shook my head in shame. “What I did to you, how I treated you—”

“It does not matter now,” she interrupted.

“It does,” I argued, then took a deep breath. “I . . . for the longest time, I thought I loved you.” Mae dropped her gaze. “But I know now that I didn’t. Now I have Bella, I understand what love truly is. And it is not what I felt for you.” Guilt and humiliation ran thick in my veins. “You were my friend, and I stupidly threw it away. I’m . . . I’m so embarrassed about how I acted. If I could change it, if I could just go back, I wouldn’t be that way. I wouldn’t—”

Mae’s hand reached out to cover mine on the bed, cutting me off. I inhaled deeply, trying to calm my shot nerves. “Rider. It is done. I can see you have changed. But more than that, I see how you look at Bella. You never looked at me that way, and that is good. It is how it is all meant to be. I see that now.”

The heavy weight on my shoulders began to lighten some. Mae said, “Just promise me you will care for her like no other.” Her hand gripped mine tightly. “She has fought so hard for so long, Rider. From such a young age, she cared for us all. She was our most fierce protector. But it made her tired. So very tired, but she never stopped being there for us, loving us, being the mother we never had.”

My chest ached. I imagined Bella as a child, displaying the same tenacity she had when she protected me from the Hangmen. The thought almost made me break down. A broken laugh spilled from Mae’s lips. “She would tell us of the life we would one day have—free and with men who loved us for us, our souls, not our looks.” Mae wiped away a stray tear. “And she believed it so much, Rider. Then she died, or at least we thought she had died. In the dark of night, here at the compound, I would mourn the life she dreamed for us all, because we all achieved it and she did not. Little did I know that Bella was alive and fighting still—fighting to survive, then returning to New Zion to fight for those who could not fight for themselves.” Mae paused then tipped her head toward me. “And she fought for you. Fought for your life . . . fought so bravely for the man who has stolen her heart.” I swallowed back the lump in my throat. “But now it is time for her fight to end.” Mae took a breath. “It is time for her to lower her shield and finally be happy . . . it is time for her to have peace.”

I glanced away, blinking the water from my eyes. Mae got to her feet. “Bella is, and will always be, the very beat to my heart. She is the greatest treasure anyone could find,” she said. “And I am happy that it is you who showed her her worth. Because she is priceless, Rider. Truly priceless.”

Mae walked to the door. Just as she reached for the handle, I said, “I’m sorry, Mae. For what it’s worth, I’m so fucking sorry for it all.”

Mae glanced at me over her shoulder. “It is the past, Rider. We both now have the futures that were meant for us. It is time to keep our eyes forward, no looking back.”

I bowed my head in agreement., “You’re risking a lot coming here to see me. Styx won’t be happy if he catches you.”

Mae shrugged. “I needed to make sure you loved Bella as much as I needed you to.” Mae smiled, a pure, joyful smile. “And having Bella back has taught me to have more of a backbone. She has taught me to be stronger. Bella is the consummate rule breaker, but I now see some rules need to be broken.”

“That she is,” I said, picturing Bella’s beautiful face in my head. I felt the warmth infuse my muscles at the thought of her perfect eyes and mouth . . . at the way she looked at me.

Only me.

With uncensored love.

“You know, Rider?” Mae said. “We were good friends once. I feel that maybe, one day, we could be again.”

A familiar platonic smile graced Mae’s mouth and I replied, “Yeah . . . being your friend sounds good, Mae. Friends. All we ever should have been.”

Mae left the room, plunging it into a heavy silence. I stared at the ceiling, replaying what had just happened. It is time to keep our eyes forward, no looking back. Mae was right, I knew she was. There was no looking back for any of us now.

As my eyes closed, I tried to convince myself to follow her advice. It was easier said than done when your past was a heavy burden on your back. But I had to try.

For Bella, I had to just . . . try.

Some time later, I opened my eyes. I shifted on the bed as my muscles gradually woke up, hearing the family and friends of the Hangmen still having fun outside.