Definitely Dead (Sookie Stackhouse #6)(2)
Author: Charlaine Harris

I picked an album of samples of Alfred’s work and began to flip through them, hardly looking at the photographs of brides and grooms, bar mitzvahs, first communions, twenty-fifth wedding anniversaries. I closed that album and laid it down. I was trying to look casual, but I don’t think it worked.

With a bright smile that echoed Maria-Star’s own expression, I said, "Alcide and I weren’t ever truly a couple, you know." I might have had longings and hopes, but they’d never had a chance to ripen. The timing had always been wrong.

Maria-Star’s eyes, a much lighter brown than Claude’s, widened in awe. Or was it fear? "I heard you could do that," she said. "But it’s hard to believe."

"Yeah," I said wearily. "Well, I’m glad you and Alcide are dating, and I have no right to mind, even if I did. Which I don’t." That came out kind of garbled (and it wasn’t entirely true), but I think Maria-Star got my intention: to save my face.

When I hadn’t heard from Alcide in the weeks following his father’s death, I’d known that whatever feelings he’d had for me were quenched. That had been a blow, but not a fatal one. Realistically, I hadn’t expected anything more from Alcide. But gosh darn it, I liked him, and it always smarts when you find out you’ve been replaced with apparent ease. After all, before his dad’s death Alcide had suggested we live together. Now he was shacking up with this young Were, maybe planning to have puppies with her.

I stopped that line of thought in its tracks. Shame on me! No point in being a bitch. (Which, come to think of it, Maria-Star actually was, at least three nights a month.)

Double shame on me.

"I hope you’re very happy," I said.

She wordlessly handed me another album, this one stamped EYES only. When I opened it, I realized that the Eyes were supernatural. Here were pictures of ceremonies humans never got to see… a vampire couple dressed in elaborate costume, posed before a giant ankh; a young man in the middle of changing into a bear, presumably for the first time; a shot of a Were pack with all its members in wolf form. Al Cumberland, photographer of the weird. No wonder he had been Claude’s first choice for his pictures, which Claude hoped would launch him on a cover-model career.

"Next shot," called Al, as he bustled out of his office, snapping his phone shut. "Maria-Star, we just got booked for a double wedding in Miss Stackhouse’s neck of the woods." I wondered if he’d been engaged for regular human work or for a supernatural event, but it would be rude to ask.

Claude and I got up close and personal again. Following Al’s instructions, I pulled up the skirt to display my legs. In the era my dress represented, I didn’t think women tanned or shaved their legs, and I was brown and smooth as a baby’s bottom. But what the hey. Probably guys hadn’t walked around with their shirts unbuttoned, either.

"Raise your leg like you’re going to wrap it around him," Alfred directed. "Now Claude, this is your chance to shine. Look like you’re going to pull your pants off at any second. We want the readers to pant when they look at you!"

Claude’s portfolio of shots would be used when he entered the Mr. Romance competition, orchestrated each year by Romantic Times Bookclub magazine.

When he’d shared his ambition with Al (I gathered they’d met at a party), Al had advised Claude to have some pictures made with the sort of woman that often appeared on the cover of romance novels; he’d told the fairy that Claude’s dark looks would be set off by a blue-eyed blonde. I happened to be the only bosomy blonde of Claude’s acquaintance who was willing to help him for free. Of course, Claude knew some strippers who would have done it, but they expected to be paid. With his usual tact, Claude had told me this on our way to the photographer’s studio. Claude could have kept these details to himself, which would have left me feeling good about helping out my friend’s brother – but in typical Claude fashion, he shared.

"Okay, Claude, now off with the shirt," Alfred called.

Claude was used to being asked to take off his clothes. He had a broad, hairless chest with impressive musculature, so he looked very nice indeed without his shirt. I was unmoved. Maybe I was becoming immune.

"Skirt, leg," Alfred reminded me, and I told myself that this was a job. Al and Maria-Star were certainly professional and impersonal, and you couldn’t get cooler than Claude. But I wasn’t used to pulling my skirt up in front of people, and it felt pretty personal to me. Though I showed this much leg when I wore shorts and never raised a blush, somehow the pulling up of the long skirt was a little more loaded with sexuality. I clenched my teeth and hiked up the material, tucking it at intervals so it would stay in position.

"Miss Stackhouse, you have to look like you’re enjoying this," Al said. He peered at me from around his camera, his forehead creased in a definitely unhappy way.

I tried not to sulk. I’d told Claude I’d do him a favor, and favors should be done willingly. I raised my leg so my thigh was parallel with the floor, and pointed my bare toes to the floor in what I hoped was a graceful position. I put both hands on Claude’s naked shoulders and looked up at him. His skin felt warm and smooth to the touch – not erotic or arousing.

"You look bored, Miss Stackhouse," Alfred said. "You’re supposed to look like you want to jump his bones. Maria-Star, make her look more… more." Maria darted over to push the little puff sleeves farther down my arms. She got a little too enthusiastic, and I was glad the bodice was tight.

The fact of the matter was, Claude could look beautiful and bare all day long, and I still wouldn’t want him. He was grumpy and he had bad manners. Even if he’d been hetero, he wouldn’t have been my cup of tea – after I’d had ten minutes’ conversation with him.

Like Claude earlier, I’d have to resort to fantasy.

I thought of Bill the vampire, my first love in every way. But instead of lust, I felt anger. Bill was dating another woman, had been for a few weeks.

Okay, what about Eric, Bill’s boss, the former Viking? Eric the vampire had shared my house and my bed for a few days in January. Nope, that way lay danger. Eric knew a secret I wanted to keep hidden for the rest of my days; though, since he’d had amnesia when he’d stayed at my place, he wasn’t aware it was in his memory somewhere.

A few other faces popped into my mind – my boss, Sam Merlotte, the owner of Merlotte’s Bar. No, don’t go there, thinking about your boss naked is bad. Okay, Alcide Herveaux? Nope, that was a no-go, especially since I was in the company of his current girlfriend… Okay, I was clean out of fantasy material and would have to fall back on one of my old fictional favorites.

But movie stars seemed bland after the supernatural world I’d inhabited since Bill came into Merlotte’s. The last remotely erotic experience I’d had, oddly enough, had involved my bleeding leg getting licked. That had been… unsettling. But even under the circumstances, it had made things deep inside me twitch. I remembered how Quinn’s bald head had moved while he cleaned my scrape in a very personal way, the firm grip his big warm fingers had had on my leg…