Driven

Colton turns around to see what I’m reacting to. He starts to ask me a question, and I raise my hand up forcefully telling him to be quiet. Fortunately, he complies. The other boys in the room have all turned to watch, expectant expressions on their faces for this is the first time that Zander has ever purposely taken the initiative to interact with someone.

Zander walks up to us, staring at Colton, his mouth opening slightly and closing several times. His eyes are saucers in his pale face. I kneel down to be at eye level with him. I sense Colton next to me trying to grasp the seriousness of my reaction.

“Hi there,” I hear Colton say gently.

Zander stops and just stares. I fear that something about Colton’s looks or that he is wearing has triggered a reaction in Zander. Some negative memory that is forcing him to come see for himself if it’s real. I’m waiting for the fallout to start—the screaming, the fighting, and the terror to fill his eyes.

“Zander. It’s okay, baby,” I croon to him, wanting to break through his trance, letting him know that a familiar, comforting voice is nearby. I turn my head slightly toward Colton, locking my eyes with his, “You need to leave now!” I order him, afraid of what Zander sees in him.

Against my wish, Colton steps forward and slowly crouches down beside me. I hear his boots squeak on the tile for the house is quiet. One of the boys must have muted the television.

“Hey, buddy,” he soothes, “How ya doin’? You okay?”

Zander takes a step closer to Colton and a smile ghosts his mouth. My eyes widen. He is not scared but rather likes Colton. I quickly glance to Colton, afraid to miss anything Zander does, and he holds my gaze, nodding his head in acknowledgement. He understands that something is happening. Something important. Something that he needs to be careful and take caution with.

“Zander is it?” Haunted eyes meet Colton’s, and then he moves his head in a small, discernible nod. I suck in my breath, tears threatening as I watch a small breakthrough happening. “So Zander, do you like racing?”

I can hear the boys in the family begin murmuring excitedly as realization of who stands in their house dawns on them. The boys get louder until they see me staring intensely at them, and they become silent.

Colton holds his hand out to Zander, “Nice to meet you, Zander. My name is Colton.”

For the second time in three days, I am rendered speechless. My head is reeling at the sight of little Zander slowly reaching out and placing his hand to shake the hand of the man next to me.

I watch the first steps of a little boy breaking free from the devastating grasp of a violent trauma. His first time initiating physical contact with someone in over three months.

Colton holds Zander’s small hand in his, shaking it gently. When they finish their greeting, Zander keeps his hand there with no indication that he wants to move it. Colton obliges and just holds the tiny hand, a soft smile on his face.

Tears burn as I hold them back. I want to jump up and shout in excitement at this breakthrough. I want to grab Zander and hug him and tell him how proud I am of him. I do none of these for the power of this moment is so much greater than any of these things put together.

“I’ll tell you what, Zander, if Rylee here agrees to the date with me that she’s trying to get out of,” Colton says never breaking eye contact with him, “then I’ll take you as my personal guest to the track the next time we test. How’s that?”

A ghost of a smile returns to Zander’s lips, his eyes lighting up for the first time, as he nods his head yes.

I hold my hand over my heart to press on the ache there as joy races through me. Finally! And all because Colton followed me in the house. All because he didn’t listen to me. All because he’s using one of my kids to blackmail me into going out with him. I could kiss him right now! Well, I guess I’ve already done that, but I could do it again. At this point, I’ll do anything Colton asks me to do just to see the smile on Zander’s face again.

Colton squeezes Zander’s hand again and shakes it. “It’s a deal then, buddy.” He releases his hand and leans in closer, “I promise,” he whispers.

Zander’s lips curve into a smile. Small dimples form in his cheeks. Dimples I didn’t even know he had because I’ve never seen him smile. He slowly withdraws his hand from Colton’s, but continues to look at him expectantly, as if to ask when this will take place. Colton glances over at me for help, and I step up.

“Zander, sweetie?” He moves his eyes from Colton’s and looks over to me. “Colton and I are going to go over and sit in the kitchen and plan a time, would you like to join us or would you like to go finish watching the basketball game with the boys?” I ask softly, my voice petting him gently as I would a scared animal.

Zander’s eyes glance rapidly back and forth over the both of us before Colton interrupts, “Hey, buddy, I’m gonna stay right here in the kitchen for a couple of minutes with Rylee. Can you go watch the game for me to let me know what I’ve missed when we’re done?”

Zander nods slightly, locking eyes with Colton once again gauging if he’s sincere or not. He must believe him because he clenches his stuffed doggy tighter and heads back to the couch. Shane’s eyes catch mine, his face blanketed with disbelief before he picks up the remote and turns the sound back up.

I rise from the floor, noticing that all of the boys except Zander have their attention still focused on Colton for it’s not every day that a celebrity is in our house. Colton notices the pairs of eyes on him and gives them a heartfelt smile. “Don’t worry,” he says to them shaking his head in understanding of their awestruck looks, “you can all come too when I take Zander to the track.”