Fall

Demetri and Alec mumbled between themselves and then Alec spoke. “Look, the friend zone isn’t bad. In my opinion, it just makes it that much easier for you to turn it into a relationship, because a relationship is just that. It’s a friendship, only so much more. It’s deeper, more spiritual, like sharing your soul rather than just your dreams, you know what I mean?”

I paused. “No. Because I’m not a chick.”

“Don’t lie,” Demetri said in a low voice. “If you want more with her, then by all means, start pursuing her, you sexy British prince… but… if all you want is to steal her virginity to feed your own sexual appetite, I’m pretty sure Alyssa’s going to hand you your balls on a silver platter, then force them down your throat.”

“Swell,” I croaked.

“So?” Alec asked. “What is it? You want something more with her or are you just shitting us?”

I thought about it. My hands shook as I held the cell to my ear. “Um, you know what? I was kidding. You guys are right. Guys can’t just change overnight. It’s probably because I haven’t been with a girl in a long time.”

“A few weeks isn’t a long time,” Demetri said.

“Very funny,” I sighed. “And it’s been two months.”

“Someone should saint you.” This from Alec.

“I’m hanging up now.”

“Catch you later, bro,” Demetri said. “And if you change your mind, remember one thing.”

“Oh yeah? What?”

“Girls like chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate.”

“And wine,” Alec piped up.

“And kissing!” Demetri yelled.

“Goodbye.” I pressed End and groaned into my hands. I didn’t know what I wanted.

I just knew that it involved her.

And only her.

But I couldn’t wrap my head around the process of even trying something with her, without making a complete and total mess out of the whole situation. Every time I thought about it, my head hurt. I didn’t want to lose her altogether, and I was really good at screwing up everything.

If I tried to date her and she rejected me I’d want to drown myself, and if I tried to date her and she actually fell for me — I’d want more, physically. I would always want more. I mean, what do you do once you start dating? You date because eventually you see yourself with that person forever.

So why start dating when you know in your heart that sharing forever with someone is just a pathetic fairy tale Hollywood feeds people in order to keep them off anti-depressants?

Sure, Nat and Alec loved each other. But that was rare, as was Demetri and Alyssa’s relationship, and even then they all went through the fires of hell and back to end up together.

It wasn’t that I wanted easy.

I just knew that in the end, I wasn’t cut out for that type of relationship. I’d only end up leaving her. I’d only end up breaking her heart.

Never mind that mine was possibly breaking just a bit at the idea that she could possibly be his. Smith’s.

I fought the urge to puke.

“Fine,” I said aloud. “I can do this. I can do this.” I put the car in reverse and pulled out of the parking lot, then drove home. Cursing the fact that my stomach clenched with every mile I drove away from the first woman I had feelings for since the death of Nanna.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Priscilla

“Thanks for coming out tonight, even though you were tired,” Smith said, leaning over the console and unbuckling my seatbelt for me like I was an invalid.

“Thanks for asking,” I said through clenched teeth. For some reason it was forced with him. Like I had to remember to be polite.

He smiled, that same confident smile that had attracted me to him in the first place. “I think it’s time.”

“Time?”

He leaned closer. “For the kiss.”

“So now it’s the kiss?”

“Makes it sound so important… besides I think every kiss with you will be that way, important, epic, amazing…” His fingers grazed my cheek as he cupped my chin and pressed his lips to mine.

They were warm, somewhat intoxicating as his mouth moved slowly against mine.

It was nice.

The kiss.

But it wasn’t Jaymeson. It wasn’t possessive, it wasn’t — devastating.

It was just a kiss.

But kissing Jaymeson? Even if he hadn’t meant it to be anything more than a lesson… it had wrecked me.

So when Smith’s tongue entered my mouth I honestly just fought through it, knowing that for the rest of my life my kisses would be like this. They’d be good — never great.

There was only one great.

And he was a self-proclaimed whore.

Lucky me.

“Goodnight.” I pulled back and reached for the car door, but Smith grabbed my hand and pulled me back into the seat kissing me harder.

I tried to return his enthusiasm, thinking I could escape if I kissed him more, but his hands moved to my hair, and then down my shoulders.

With a nervous laugh I pulled back. “I really should be going.”

His breathing was ragged. “I know, sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s fine,” I whispered. “See you later?”

“You can count on it…” With a wink he grabbed my hand and kissed my fingertips. “I’ll be dreaming about that kiss tonight.”