Fall (Seaside #4)(30)
Author: Rachel Van Dyken

Holy hell. I ducked my head and chomped down on my licorice so she wouldn’t notice me.

When I looked up she’d already turned back around. As much as I wanted to stay, I decided it was best not to hang out on her date, and walked out of the theatre back to my car.

I started the engine and sat.

Cursing, I dialed Demetri’s number.

“What?” he answered. “You die?”

“No.” I rolled my eyes. “If I was dead, how would I be talking to you?”

“Solid point.”

“I, um, I just had a question.”

“Okay?”

“Hypothetically…” I cleared my throat. “How does one… get out of the friend zone without ruining the friendship?”

“Hypothetically?” he said in a low voice. “So you’re asking on behalf of a friend, yeah?”

“Sure.”

“Alright, so my advice to your… friend… you don’t get out of the friend zone.”

“Damn it!” I slammed the steering wheel with my hand.

“Whoa there, don’t get so fired up for your friend, Jay.”

“Right, sorry. I’ve had too much sugar.”

I could practically hear his brain working. “You on drugs, man?”

“No!” I all but shouted. “So I can’t get out of the zone…”

“Oh, you’re the friend,” he said, sounding bored.

“Shut the hell up and tell me!”

“Who is it?” he asked quietly. I could tell he was trying not to gain anyone’s attention. Most likely he was on the tour bus and even though they had a nice one, it was still hard to have privacy.

“Uhh…”

Demetri groaned. “Tell me it’s not Priscilla. Tell me you’ve kept it in your pants and Alyssa isn’t going to hunt me down with a machete for even introducing you guys.”

“He’s crushing on Pris?” Alec’s angry shout awakened an involuntary wince.

I heard a door shut. And then Demetri said. “Sorry dude, you’re on speaker phone, Alec’s here.”

“Oh good, so my shame’s public, that’s just bloody fantastic.”

“Priscilla?” Alec said. “She put you in the friend zone.”

“It was a mutual friending!” I defended.

Both of them burst out laughing.

“You know what? Forget it.”

“No!” Demetri said still laughing. “It’s just that, I mean, you’ve never even had a friend that was a girl, let alone been put into that zone. How is it, man? You going crazy? Take up smoking? Tell me the truth, do you think you may die in your sleep?”

“Remind me again why I called you for help.”

Demetri and Alec mumbled between themselves and then Alec spoke. “Look, the friend zone isn’t bad. In my opinion, it just makes it that much easier for you to turn it into a relationship, because a relationship is just that. It’s a friendship, only so much more. It’s deeper, more spiritual, like sharing your soul rather than just your dreams, you know what I mean?”

I paused. “No. Because I’m not a chick.”

“Don’t lie,” Demetri said in a low voice. “If you want more with her, then by all means, start pursuing her, you sexy British prince… but… if all you want is to steal her virginity to feed your own sexual appetite, I’m pretty sure Alyssa’s going to hand you your balls on a silver platter, then force them down your throat.”

“Swell,” I croaked.

“So?” Alec asked. “What is it? You want something more with her or are you just shitting us?”

I thought about it. My hands shook as I held the cell to my ear. “Um, you know what? I was kidding. You guys are right. Guys can’t just change overnight. It’s probably because I haven’t been with a girl in a long time.”

“A few weeks isn’t a long time,” Demetri said.

“Very funny,” I sighed. “And it’s been two months.”

“Someone should saint you.” This from Alec.

“I’m hanging up now.”

“Catch you later, bro,” Demetri said. “And if you change your mind, remember one thing.”

“Oh yeah? What?”

“Girls like chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate.”

“And wine,” Alec piped up.

“And kissing!” Demetri yelled.

“Goodbye.” I pressed End and groaned into my hands. I didn’t know what I wanted.

I just knew that it involved her.

And only her.

But I couldn’t wrap my head around the process of even trying something with her, without making a complete and total mess out of the whole situation. Every time I thought about it, my head hurt. I didn’t want to lose her altogether, and I was really good at screwing up everything.

If I tried to date her and she rejected me I’d want to drown myself, and if I tried to date her and she actually fell for me — I’d want more, physically. I would always want more. I mean, what do you do once you start dating? You date because eventually you see yourself with that person forever.

So why start dating when you know in your heart that sharing forever with someone is just a pathetic fairy tale Hollywood feeds people in order to keep them off anti-depressants?

Sure, Nat and Alec loved each other. But that was rare, as was Demetri and Alyssa’s relationship, and even then they all went through the fires of hell and back to end up together.

It wasn’t that I wanted easy.

I just knew that in the end, I wasn’t cut out for that type of relationship. I’d only end up leaving her. I’d only end up breaking her heart.

Never mind that mine was possibly breaking just a bit at the idea that she could possibly be his. Smith’s.

I fought the urge to puke.

“Fine,” I said aloud. “I can do this. I can do this.” I put the car in reverse and pulled out of the parking lot, then drove home. Cursing the fact that my stomach clenched with every mile I drove away from the first woman I had feelings for since the death of Nanna.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Priscilla

“Thanks for coming out tonight, even though you were tired,” Smith said, leaning over the console and unbuckling my seatbelt for me like I was an invalid.

“Thanks for asking,” I said through clenched teeth. For some reason it was forced with him. Like I had to remember to be polite.

He smiled, that same confident smile that had attracted me to him in the first place. “I think it’s time.”