Fall (Seaside #4)(4)
Author: Rachel Van Dyken

Alec shrugged.

Demetri grinned.

“Shit.” I rested my head against the chair and closed my eyes. “I really have to do this, don’t I?”

“It would be best for your career,” Alec said seriously. “Besides, you’re already at the airport.”

“And let’s be honest — Seaside is the best place to find your future girl.”

At that I laughed and opened my eyes. “Still stuck on that, huh? I’m not a one-girl man. I’m just not made that way. I like things in pairs, or multiples if at all possible. One girl for the rest of my life? Holy shit, shoot me now.” I shook my head. “Not happening. Ever.”

“He’s going to be eighty and still hitting on chicks at clubs.” Demetri elbowed Alec.

Alec grinned. “A bet.”

“Huh?” Demetri asked.

Oh no. I knew that look. Stupid Alec.

“A bet.” Alec cleared his throat. “I bet you fall for a girl within the next two months.”

“I second that bet.” Demetri winked.

“Holy crap, it’s like you guys are putting a hex on me.” I shuddered and looked away. “Stop it, seriously. Not happening. Have you ever seen me in a relationship? Ever?”

They both shook their heads.

“My point exactly, I wouldn’t even know what to do.”

“It’s called dating.” Alec said it slowly like I was a two-year-old learning how to walk.

“Thanks, jackass.” I threw part of the beer label I’d been twisting in my fingers at his face.

“The role you want…” Demetri cleared his throat, all humor leaving. “It’s that new one about first love?”

“Yeah…” I said slowly. “Why?”

“You need to experience heartbreak in order to play it.”

“Not true,” I argued. “I’ve never been homeless, but I can play the shit out of a homeless guy.”

Alec chuckled. “What Demetri’s trying to say is that you can’t play heartbreak if you’ve never experienced it because it’s different than playing a part. When your heart breaks — when you lose something you want to win — it changes your world. You, my friend…” He pointed directly at me. “…have never been thrown off. You’ve experienced family drama, but you don’t know what it’s like to yearn for someone’s touch, to want them to want you so much that you’d die just for one taste…” He shrugged. “You don’t know that feeling. You don’t even know what it’s like to steal the innocence straight from a girl’s lips. You have to feel it to play it, that’s all I’m saying. You can change your image all you want, but that audition won’t be yours until you know what it’s like to get your earth completely and totally shattered.”

I kept my mocking smile firmly in place, when really my heart was damn near going to pound straight out of my chest. I’d drunk innocence directly from a girl’s lips. I’d tasted purity and ever since I’d nearly gone insane with want for it.

My mind replayed images of that night with Priscilla — the night I told myself I’d just satisfy my own stupid curiosity, only to find that it did nothing but start a burning fire in my soul for more of what I knew she could offer. I’d screwed it up by forcing her to think I didn’t care. It had been the only way, because the minute her body responded to my touch, I’d realized why I didn’t do relationships. Why I didn’t do first kisses and white picket fences.

Most endings weren’t the fairy tale. I knew that first hand. And Priscilla? She’d looked at me as if I’d freaking climbed an ivory tower and slain the dragon for her, not even realizing that I wasn’t the savior, but a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I was the damn dragon and I wanted nothing more than to destroy everything good about her — allow her to fill my loneliness with her smile.

“Hey, you okay?” Alec squinted in my direction while he and Demetri exchanged a glance.

“Just starving.” I shrugged, my voice croaking. “I should probably get something to eat before I catch my flight.”

“Okay.” Alec rose. “But think about what I said, alright?”

No chance in hell I’d be able to do anything but think about what he’d said, the bastard.

“I’ll try.” I gave him a tight smile.

Chapter Three

Jaymeson

Alec’s words haunted me the entire flight. I wanted to freaking bash my head against the wall; I was irritated that his little speech had affected me so much. I mean, who the hell cared? I could play anything! I’d be whatever they wanted me to be. I’d screw whomever I needed to screw. I just wanted the damn part.

The problem with Alec and Demetri? They were hopelessly in love; they saw things through a different lens, a clouded one, to be exact. Mine was clear, and my goal was clear. Clean up my image, get the part, do what I love. The End. It wasn’t selfish. How could bettering myself be selfish? It was doing what I was passionate about. It was making people smile, making them happy while making myself happy.

I fought the guilt and ordered another small bottle of whiskey. It was the last one; it had to be, because I wasn’t entirely sure I’d have a car waiting for me or if I’d have to rent one to drive all the way to Hell.

I wasn’t taking any chances.

The last thing I needed was a DUI.

“You traveling for business or pleasure?” the elderly lady next to me asked, totally interrupting my thoughts.

“Business,” I said, not making eye contact lest she start screaming my name and ask me to sign her bra.

“All pleasure on my end.” She elbowed me. “I’m going to one of those fancy resorts on the coast.”

“Lovely.” I cleared my throat and tried to look interested in the magazine in my lap.

“Oh it is. Seaside’s wonderful this time of year.”

“Seaside?” I snorted. “Wonderful?”

“Oh yes.” She sighed, “My honey and I used to take long walks on that beach, camp out in the sand at midnight.” She shivered. “Kiss under the stars.”

She kept reminiscing.

And I kept staring at the magazine. Praying my mind would — at some point in my life — rid itself of the memory of Priscilla’s kiss.

Her touch.

Her scent.

Everything about her that made my heart clench in my chest. Funny how one girl, one moment can change your life forever. She probably hated me.