Fall (Seaside #4)(45)
Author: Rachel Van Dyken

With a sigh he lifted his long sleeve shirt over his head and threw it on the ground. “One. When I was little my dad rarely visited me. He was too busy to care. So I had my Nanna, my grandmother. She told me she loved me every second of every day.”

He unlaced a boot and threw it. “Two. I was three when I realized my mom didn’t love me. A year later she told me to my face.”

My breath hitched.

He unlaced another boot and dropped it with a thud. “Three. When Nanna put my mom to bed, after another one of her drunken threats, she let me cry on her shoulder and told me that just because someone says they don’t love you doesn’t mean you aren’t lovable. It just means they aren’t capable of such a pure emotion.”

His muscled arms reached for his t-shirt as he lifted it off his head and threw it where he’d tossed his boots, leaving him in a tank top. “Four. When my Nanna disappeared, my mom told me it was because Nanna didn’t want to take care of me anymore. You see, my mom was jealous of her then four-year-old son. Nanna had given me a bear to sleep with — in a drunken rage my mom threw it in the fire. When I called my father, he said I was too old to be playing with stuffed animals. I never saw Nanna again.”

Slowly, he peeled his tank top from his body. “Five. Nanna died in her sleep — I later found out that her heart simply gave out — and as a kid I didn’t understand what that meant, so I naturally assumed it meant because I’d been a bad boy… I’d made her tired, and I’d made her love me. I’d been selfish. And in the end, I blamed myself for her death. Because maybe if I hadn’t needed her so much — she would have been able to have enough strength to live just a little bit longer.”

His jeans fell to his ankles, he stepped out. “Six. The last person I was vulnerable with is cold, dead, in the ground. She was also the last person I gave my heart to. When she died, I think a part of me died too. It was the first experience I had with reality. With knowing that life was naturally ugly, not beautiful. The last time I had something to live for…was when I was a child.” He took a tentative step toward me. “Until I met you.”

Tears streamed down my face.

Jaymeson took another step, his dark hair covering part of his face as the afternoon light cast shadows into the room. “Until you turned my world upside down.”

Another step.

I was paralyzed as I watched him move smoothly toward me, every plane of muscle tightening, keeping perfect cadence with my chest.

His hand reached out to touch my cheek. “You’re not the first female — Nanna gets that honor — but you will be the last.”

Chapter Thirty-Three

Jaymeson

I couldn’t read her. I wasn’t sure I wanted to. I’d just stripped naked in front of her — but to me, it was the only way I could actually be fully vulnerable — stripped down to nothing, both emotionally and physically, and pray she understood that what I was doing was for her—

I’d never done for anyone else in my life, nor would I ever. Because as far as I was concerned, Pris was it.

Tense silence blanketed the room. And then, Pris pressed her cheek against my hand, closing her eyes.

Drained, I pulled her into my arms and held her.

With a sudden jerk, she pulled back — only to press her hot mouth against mine.

My legs almost gave way as she kissed me, kissed away the pain I’d just sliced open, kissed away the embarrassment at being so insecure about the man that I was —her kiss healed.

It didn’t take.

It gave.

Shaking, I lifted her into my arms and carried her to the couch, laying her flat on her back so I could lie next to her and just… kiss her, play with her hair, touch her — as long as it involved her I was all in.

Our mouths nipped and sucked, alternating between pushing and teasing. Every kiss was new, exciting, as if I’d never actually kissed a girl until this moment in my life.

My hands instinctively went to her hips, dragging her body closer to mine as I hovered over her.

“You’re not going to disappear on me again, are you?” Pris asked, briefly pulling her mouth from mine.

“Not a chance in hell,” I muttered, taking her lips between my teeth. “You’d have to kill me.”

“I almost did earlier.”

“All you had to do was ask and I would have jumped off a cliff for you.” I slid my tongue into her mouth then pulled it back out. “I would do anything for you.”

“Good.” Her back arched as my hand slid up her side. “Because I’ve been dying to get an autographed poster for months.”

Our teeth hit from both of us laughing. I gave the side of her ass a firm slap and shook my head. “I’ll sign every damn poster in your room if you promise to let me sleep on the left.”

“What is it with you and the left?” She tried to get up, but I pushed her down, nipping her lips with small kisses then doing the same to her cheeks, her eyelids. I tugged her shirt over her shoulders. My mouth met creamy smooth skin and I almost died.

“I just like the left. Besides you sleep on your right and I sleep on my left, meaning when I wake up…” I licked the spot I’d just kissed. “…I wake up to you.”

She let out a sigh as my mouth moved to her neck and then blew in her ear.

“I love waking up to you.”

“Funny, I thought whores couldn’t go out in the sunlight.”

“Vampires.” I tugged her ear with my teeth. “But I understand why you’d be confused since I’m a badass.”

“Werewovles,” she blurted. “More of a werewolf fan.”

“Remind me to take that werewolf script.” I laughed into her hair, breathing hard from exerting myself so much. I’d never carried on a conversation with a girl while kissing her.

I was in uncharted territory.

And I was so damn nervous I was shaking.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m nervous,” I said honestly, then pulled back to look into her eyes. “I’ve never done this before.”

Her eyebrows furrowed. “Isn’t that my line?”

“No.” I tilted her chin so I could kiss her mouth again. Her lips would be the death of me. “I’ve never kissed a girl without it leading anywhere. I’ve never, um…” Shit, my face felt red. “Made out.”

Her grin widened as she wrapped her arms around my neck and jerked me against her. My entire body went rigid with pent-up frustration — with want.