Forever Too Far

BLAIRE

I was scared of needles. I’d decided months ago that I wouldn’t be getting a long needle stuck down my back. At the moment, I was thinking that might have been a bad decision. Because I felt like my insides were being sliced open.

It didn’t help that every time I needed to scream Rush completely freaked out. He needed to calm the fuck down. I had to scream to deal with this. Never again would I moan over menstrual cramps. Those were a walk in the park compared to this.

Another wave hit me and I grabbed handfuls of the sheets and let out another cry of pain. The last time the nurse checked I was seven centimeters dilated. I needed to get to ten, dammit.

“Do I need to go get the nurse? Can I get you some ice? Do you want to squeeze my hand?” Rush kept asking me questions. I knew he meant well but at the moment I didn’t care. I reached up and grabbed his tee shirt and jerked his face down to mine.

“Be glad I don’t have my gun because right now I’m considering the different ways I can get you to shut up. Let me scream and back off,” I snapped at him and grabbed my stomach as another contraction hit.

“Time to check you again,” the bubbly nurse with bright red hair pulled back in pigtails said as she all but bounced into the room. She needed to be glad I didn’t have my gun too. Because she’d be next on my list.

I closed my eyes hoping I didn’t have a contraction while she was down there because I might kick her in the face.

“Oh! We’re sitting on ten and ready to roll. Let me get the doctor in here. Don’t push,” she told me yet again. I’d been told not to push for the past hour. All my body wanted to do was push. The doctor needed to hurry his ass up.

Rush was being abnormally silent. I glanced up at him and his face reminded me of a little boy’s at the moment. He looked scared and nervous. I felt bad for yelling at him but the feeling didn’t last when another contraction hit me and this time it was worse. I hadn’t realized it could get worse.

The balding doctor walked in and beamed at me like this was a good thing. “Time to get that little guy out of there and into the world.” He sounded as jolly as my nurse. Bastard.

“You can either come down here and watch, as long as you aren’t queasy or you can stay up there with her while she pushes,” the doctor told Rush.

Rush stepped up to my head and reached down and took my hand in his. “I’ll stay with her,” he said and squeezed my hand gently.

The encouragement made me want to cry. He’d been trying so hard to make things easier on me and I had threatened to shoot him. I was an awful wife. I sniffed and he was instantly beside me. “Don’t cry. It’s okay. You can do this,” he said, looking determined and ready to go into battle.

“I was mean. I’m sorry,” I choked out.

He grinned and kissed my head. “You’re in a helluva lot of pain and if it makes you feel better to hit me I’d let you at me.”

I wanted to kiss him but then another contraction hit me.

“Push!” the doctor ordered and I did as I was told.

Several curse words and pushes later I heard the most beautiful sound in the world. A cry. My baby’s cry.