Healed (Scarred #2)(26)
Author: J.S. Cooper

“You made it.” He turned to me with a small smile and we hugged briefly.

“Yeah, sorry. I got held up.”

“No worries. I was just watching the fish.”

“Oh?” I looked into the water but didn’t see anything asides from some dead branches and leaves floating.

“Do you ever wonder what it’s like to be a fish? What they must be thinking about. What they think when they see a worm? Do you think they wonder to themselves, I hope this worm doesn’t have a hook attached?”

I shook my head at Bryce’s words. I can honestly say those thoughts had never crossed my mind.

“It’s kind of funny, you know. That a fish wouldn’t have figured it out already. I know there’s all kind of bait, but really a worm is like a sign to the fish. The worm is begging the fish to see it and think, I don’t normally see worms underwater. This must be a trap. But no, the fish is as greedy as any human being. He doesn’t use his brain and think trap, he just sees instant food and goes for it.”

I nodded my head. He had a point, I suppose. “Is this an analogy then? Fish are as greedy as humans?”

“No. More like a warning for life. Maybe we should think critically before we make any actions. You know?”

“Yeah. I do.” I sighed and looked down at the ground.

“But sorry to bore you. How are you?” He rubbed my shoulder and I tried not to flinch at his touch. As I looked into his handsome face, I was once again amazed at just how perfect looking he was. His blue eyes are so wide and open. So pure and innocent and the gold tints in his blond hair, shone like they had been polished. As I stared at him, I can see why the younger me had been infatuated with him. He was everything a girl like me could dream of.

“I’m good. A little tired. How are you feeling?”

“Tired. Frantic. Angry. All cried out. Despondent.” He cracked a half-smile. “But I’m also hopeful. Really hopeful. I think that I can take charge of my life. You know. With all the love and support you’ve given me. That you’ve always given me.”

I gulp as he talks. So this was it then. He needed me. I was stuck to him at this point. It was my duty and obligation to provide him strength now.

“I’m glad you have hope.” I looked away quickly. I felt the tell tale signs of burning in my eyes. I knew that I was about to cry.

“I’m sorry about Anna.” His voice broke as he said her name. I realized that he must have been really despondent. “I shouldn’t have let it happen.”

“You don’t have to apologize.” I was in no position to pass judgment now that I’d slept with Luke. My darling precious Luke.

“It was wrong. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, Lexi.”

I couldn’t stop the tears as they sprung from my eyes. The rest of his life. The rest of my life. With Bryce. I couldn’t imagine it. What was a life if I had to be with someone I didn’t love?

“Lexi, are you okay?” He brought me in close to him and I sobbed into his shoulders. I couldn’t let him know that these tears were for Luke and me. It wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t to know that I’d been living in a fantasy world and that the love of my life had been next door all along. “Lexi, look at me. Are you okay?” He pulled my face up to look at his and we stood there staring at each other, wordlessly. He leaned down to kiss me and we stood there with our arms around each other, but unable to bring our two lips together.

“Lexi, you should know that Anna and I went out for shakes last night.” He let out a deep sigh. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just thought that she needed a friend.”

“It’s okay.” I look at him in wonder. “You know Anna’s not a bad person. I haven’t been the best friend she has needed in a long time.”

“She’s really funny,” he said, wistfully. “I never knew that she was so funny and honest.”

“She is isn’t she? And she’s a good listener.”

“I know.” He sat down on the grass and I joined him. “Has she ever had a real boyfriend?”

“No, not really.” I leaned back and stared at the sky. “Neither of us has really. We were both just too busy dreaming and planning.”

“Creating castles out of clouds?”

“Yeah.” I picked a piece of grass and played with it in my fingers. “We were great at building castles. Maybe too good.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Our whole lives we’ve created fantasies of men we thought we wanted to be with. We’ve built everything up in our imagination, nothing can ever compare to that. You know? Daydreams are all good and well but not at the sake your life. Not when the love you build up in your head isn’t really real. I loved you and Anna loved Eddie and we spent all of high school in some alternate reality where our biggest hopes and dreams were based on whether one of you talked to us.” I sighed heavily.

“Eddie was g*y, you know,” he blurted out and I rolled over in surprise.

“What?”

“He was g*y,” he sighed. “I didn’t really know until right before he died. He made a move at me. Said some things. I didn’t know how to react.” He tensed. “I was uncomfortable and confused. And I felt like I didn’t even know him anymore. I’m so mad that I made it about me. I can only imagine how much worse he had felt, coming clean to me.”

“But he tried to rape me?” I frowned. “That doesn’t make sense.”

“I think he was trying to make a man out of himself. I think he was trying to prove to himself that he liked women. I think he was drunk and confused. And he was trying to prove his love to me in some way. I was soo angry at you,” Bryce sighed. “I’m not really sure exactly. But I f**ked up. I f**ked up by trying to get revenge on you and I f**ked up when he told me he was g*y. I didn’t know what to think. I’m not homophobic but, you know, I just acted really badly.”

“It’s still not your fault he killed himself, Bryce.” I reached over and held his hands. “It seems like he had a lot of demons.”

“I know. But I certainly didn’t help. And I will have to face that knowledge for the rest of my life. Anyways, I just thought it was important to say. Anna thinks that he didn’t like her because she’s not pretty enough, but it had nothing to do with her looks. He, he just wasn’t into women. I, I wanted her to know that. But I don’t really know if I should say anything. I don’t know if she is still in love with him?”