Heart Recaptured

“Shh… Lilah. Calm. You are not the devil as we were told all of our lives. You are not a temptress. You are beautiful. Being beautiful is not a sin.”

I balked at her words. “You blaspheme, Salome. You are forgetting scripture and speaking untruths.”

Mae’s face hardened. I had never seen her look so angry. “Lilah, stop. I do not speak untruths. I am finally talking sense. What we were told to believe all of our lives was false.” Her hands rubbed at my arms. “I am still learning things about this world myself. Every day is a lesson. Every day is a surprise when I am taught something new. But you have to try, Lilah. Both you and Maddie must try.”

“I wish not to be in this life, Mae. I am faithful to the prophet’s cause and nothing will change that. And we are temptresses. Look at the way Ky acted toward me just now!”

“First of all, Prophet David is dead, Lilah! The Order is no more. The quicker you accept this and try to learn to live again, the better we shall all be! And secondly, Styx is speaking with Ky now. Ky will be punished for humiliating you, for touching you against your will. Ky is intoxicated with liquor and acting poorly. Believe me, in the short time I have been here, I know this to be usual behavior for him.”

Mae cleared her throat and regarded me warily. “From the moment he laid eyes on you, he was smitten. I witnessed this myself when you crawled from the holding cell at the commune. And it is not because you are the devil in disguise or a witch luring him to your evil ways like Brother Noah made you—made us—believe. It is because you are blond, lithe, and beautiful—exactly the type of female he finds attractive. Ky finds no shame in propositioning a woman, in pushing his advances. This club is very much like the commune we have come from—”

“How so?” I asked suddenly, terrified for my virtue.

Mae sighed at my worry. “They have their own rules and beliefs that separate them from the outside world. Ky is second in command and with that comes certain privileges.”

“Like Brother Gabriel was to Prophet David?”

Mae nodded. “Yes. And because of this, he also holds a great deal of power amongst the Hangmen. He is also very handsome, as if you have not noticed…” Mae studied my face, so I quickly dipped my head, attempting to hide my blush. It was obvious to anyone with eyes that I had noticed. When I stepped from that godforsaken cell, he was the first thing I saw. He was just so… formidable. “So Ky has no shortage of women agreeing to join with him.”

I shook myself from my promiscuous thoughts and met Mae’s expectant gaze. I thought of the Lord and refocused on my faith, on what I had been called to believe through his words. “It is wrong,” I pushed, and Mae’s shoulders sagged. “To behave in such a way is wrong and sinful, and I am not one of his loose women, Mae. I am not to be played with and petted like a dog! I am to be pure. Only the brothers and the disciples will ever have the right to join with me, in the Lord’s Sharings. That is the only way to rid myself of the devil possessing my body… my soul. This Ky, this heathen, is not worthy of that right. He is not a man of God! How shall I ever be saved if a denizen of Satan touches me? All I want is to be saved… to be redeemed in the Lord’s eyes…”

Tears fell down my cheeks and I hiccupped on my words. I suddenly felt unsteady on my feet, too weak through lack of food. Mae’s beautiful light-blue eyes softened and she held me up by my arms and pressed a loving kiss to my head.

“Shh… I know,” Mae soothed. “It is why Styx pulled him away just now. Ky will be suitably reprimanded, on this I swear.”

Pulling from Mae’s hold, I looked to the exit door leading outside, knowing what I must do. “I must… I must pray. Cleanse my sins, wash away the lust, the vice and misdeeds,” I announced.

Mae reached out and gently gripped my arm. I backed away, flinching at her touch, freeing myself from her hand. “No, Mae! I must atone for my sins. I am going to the river to pray! I feel unclean… I am unclean… This place… How can you live this way, Mae?” I watched Mae’s eyes glisten as I confronted her fall from grace. “I shall pray for your soul too, sister. I shall pray you will once again find your way back to the Lord.”

I stumbled to the door without looking back and out of the rear exit into the cool night breeze. I did not wish to see Mae’s hurt expression. I loved her. I wanted her to be rid of Satan too. We were the Cursed. We were all destined for hell unless we were saved. I still had faith that our people and our prophet would return, just like Jesus. It was in the scripture, and I could recite every single word.