Honor

“I want to go home.”

I gulped a little because I had witnessed Nassir act a lot of different ways, but vulnerable and exposed was a new one. I’d seen him like that once before, as he held me as I bled all over the floor of the strip club when my city bit me hard. It was the look that sent me running and it was that same look that brought me back to him. It seemed to reach deep down inside of me and shake loose the last of the reserves I had stored up to fight him and resist him. Blood, injury, hurt, violence, disappointment, and risk were the things that made the Point what it was. They were a constant. That bad things would happen was certain and inevitable; what wasn’t guaranteed, what wasn’t common, was finding someone in this place that made you feel special and safe. It was almost unheard of to stumble across someone that made you feel worthwhile and told you time and time again they would fight for you. Coming across a powerful man that was willing to wait until you were ready for him was like coming upon a treasure hidden in a pile of garbage.

He was going to get taken away from me, or I was going to get taken away from him, but we had right now, and I understood that finally. I had spent so much time running from an inevitable disaster that I never stopped to allow the good things to flourish. I was strong on my own but even stronger with him by my side. I walked my own path but I never would have been able to take those steps if he hadn’t been ahead of me clearing the way. I would rather have Nassir for a heartbeat than never have him at all, all the while spending however long either of us had left fighting an unseen future. I would rather fight with him and make up over and over again than keep fighting against the inevitable impact he was going to have on my life and the forever place he had in my heart.

“I’ll take you home and take care of you, Nassir.” I leaned forward so I could whisper the words against his neck. Finally, something shifted, something broke between us, and he wrapped his arms around me in a hug. When at last he put his hands on me, I felt his power more forcefully than I ever had before. I felt my heart slip down to my toes and then jump right back up and try to beat out of my chest to get to him. All of me wanted to make sure he was okay.

The paramedic and the cop that had hauled me up the hill earlier came over and Nassir and I broke apart long enough for him to sign the paperwork. The young EMT gave me a look and told me out of the corner of his mouth, “He really should be in the hospital. If you care about him, you should encourage him to go.”

I shook my head. “I don’t fight battles I can’t win.” Which was a lie because I had been fighting against Nassir for years and was about to lose everything I had to the man. “I’ll keep an eye on him.”

“If he starts to get nauseous or starts to black out again, bring him to the ER. That head wound isn’t a joke. He could have serious brain trauma. That was a wicked crash.”

I told the young first responder, “He has a really hard head.” Nassir must have heard me because he gave me a dirty look and pushed off the car.

“Let’s go.”

He shuffled and limped to the passenger side of the car and got inside without any help or any more words. I shrugged at the cop and the paramedic and took the card the cop handed me, a card with his number printed on it and the number of the tow company that was hauling off the mangled car. He also said they might need to talk to Nassir when they decided exactly how they were going to charge the deranged female driver. I told them they could wait until he was feeling better and that they could get in touch with me if they needed anything in the meantime. Now that I’d realized that Nassir was as much mine as I was his, I was going to protect him the same way he was always protecting me. I was going to stop fighting him and start fighting anything that tried to get between us or tried to shorten the time we had together.

I got into the car and he immediately reached out and took my hand. It made my entire body shiver. At that moment I wanted him to take me, to put his hands on me and make me feel out of control; the feeling was so strong that all I could do was turn away from it. I never expected that Nassir’s touching me with softness, with the need for comfort and care, would be what ruined me. That in the quiet and dark, his humanness would shine through and that would be what got to me. His violence and brutality had battered against the walls around my heart for years and only made a tiny bit of headway. But his vulnerability and weakness slipped right through like the barrier never even existed.

“How badly are you actually hurt?” I kept my voice low and his fingers twitched around mine, indicating he wasn’t doing so hot.

“I have a concussion and the cut on my scalp needs to be sewn shut. The seat belt jacked my shoulder up and I think I have glass in my face, but I’ll live. I’ve been through much worse.”

I had never wanted to know about where he had been before coming here. I couldn’t imagine any place uglier and more dangerous than this city, but Nassir never seemed to think the Point was that bad. I couldn’t imagine worse and knew I should fear and not love the man that was able to survive it.

“You want to tell me about the worse?”

He turned his head to look at me and the edges of his mouth pulled down. “No, but one day I will. Do you think that woman had anything to do with the rats? Seems highly coincidental that the rats and the accident happened on the same night.”

I drove into the hills and sighed when the ornate gate and the formidable guard came into view. He waved us in after giving Nassir a concerned once-over and I turned a little to answer my battered passenger. “I don’t know. I got the cop’s number, so I can call and ask him to question her about it, but that seems unlikely. Most women hate rodents and that was a lot of creepy-crawlies.”