Hot Finish (Fast Track #3)(14)
Author: Erin McCarthy

The corner of his mouth turned up. “Are you actually speechless? Never thought I’d live to see that day.”

That made her feel defensive and she reacted. “Well, hell, Ryder, this is weird! What am I supposed to say?”

His fist slammed down on the black-painted table.

Suzanne jumped a little, startled at his sudden explosion of anger. She knew he was ticked off, but she wasn’t entirely sure why. The situation was crazy and unexpected, but what exactly was he pissed off about?

“You’re supposed to say that while we may have had our fair share of problems, our marriage didn’t totally suck ass! You’re not supposed to act like being married to me was the worst goddamn thing that ever happened to you.”

Good Lord, never in a million years could she have predicted he would say that. Suzanne just gaped at him. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about the fact that you act like being my wife was akin to hell on earth.”

The man was smoking crack right along with their lawyer. “Are you nuts? When did I ever say anything like that?”

“You’ve said it a thousand times out loud and in a million ways without words.”

Now he was just being overdramatic. If he threw out his hand and started spouting words from a dead guy, she was out of there. And it was her damn house.

“I have never said that. And you sound like a girl so just calm yourself on down.” So maybe that was a childish and rude dig, but he was freaking her out, and God knew Suzanne had never handled emotion well. He should know that about her by now.

Ryder threw his hand up in the air and gave an exasperated groan. “That explains everything then. No wonder you hated being married to me . . . I’m a girl.”

“I did not hate being married to you! And I didn’t say you’re a girl, I said you sound like a girl.”

He stood up. “I’m a goddamn idiot. I keep doing this. Just setting myself up to get knocked down. Over and f**king over. You think I would have learned by now, but no, I keep doing the same damn thing hoping that one day you’ll actually validate my feelings and our marriage, and that makes me a moron. You never wanted to marry me in the first place, you only did because I talked you into it, and you’re happy as a clam without me. I get it. I finally f**king get it.”

Suzanne leaped out of her chair, too, shocked at the words coming from Ryder’s mouth. “You get nothing! I did not marry you because you talked me into it. I was dying to marry you, but I didn’t want you to think I was trying to trap you. I was a poor girl who got knocked up on our first date and you were an up-and-coming race car driver . . .”

She almost blurted out that she hadn’t been good enough for him, but she stopped herself just shy of that. He didn’t need to know her deepest insecurities at this point.

Ryder’s anger deflated, and his shoulders slumped. “I never thought of you as a poor girl who got knocked up. I thought of you as the woman I loved, and it was . . . bad when you lost the baby.”

Tears were suddenly in her eyes, and f**k, she didn’t want to go there. That had been the worst day of her life, when she had realized she was bleeding out the baby she and Ryder had conceived. This was something they had never really talked about, and she sure in the hell didn’t want to now, when it no longer mattered.

“It was bad. Very bad. But there was good between us, too. I wanted to marry you. Can we just leave it at that?”

His hands opened and closed in fists at his side, and his jaw shifted, but he just nodded. “Yeah. We can leave it at that.”

The doorbell rang.

“Fuck me,” Suzanne said, in exasperation. This conversation didn’t feel even remotely finished, yet she didn’t know what else to say. “That’s Nikki. We’re going to look at hotel ballrooms this afternoon.”

“I’m leaving anyway.” Ryder headed to the door and Suzanne followed him.

She wanted to say something to defuse his anger, to finally, after two years, reach a real level of friendship with him, but she didn’t know how to do that. She never had, and while she cared a hell of a lot about Ryder, the truth was, they didn’t seem to know how to be in each other’s lives.

Nikki was smiling when she pulled open the door. “Hi, Suzanne. Hi, Ryder. What are you doing here?”

Ryder pulled his keys out of pocket. “Suzanne and I just had some business to take care of, but I’m heading out now.”

“You know, for being divorced you guys spend a lot of time together. It’s kind of weird.” Nikki stepped into the house, her nose wrinkled. Then her eyes got bigger. “Ooooh, I get it. You have sex with each other!”

Suzanne wished.

Or did she?

There was that whole complicated issue, as was evidenced by the circular argument about nothing they’d just had. “We don’t have sex,” she told Nikki.

“No, because I’m a girl,” Ryder said, shooting her a look as he skirted around Nikki and stepped out onto her front stoop.

Suzanne rolled her eyes. He was never going to let that one go. “Well, you’re certainly pouting like one right now.”

“That’s a joke, right?” Nikki clutched her giant handbag that probably cost the same as a small house on half an acre and twittered nervously. She looked downright scared at the thought that maybe Ryder was a very masculine and hairy woman.

“Yes, it’s a joke.” Suzanne had no patience to explain humor to Nikki. Or to get her to understand that there was clearly tension between herself and Ryder and that maybe she should excuse herself for a minute.

That kind of subtlety was beyond this one.

Ryder was leaving, just heading on down the walkway without a word. “Well, good-bye!” she called. “Have a wonderful day.”

His response was to lift his hand in a backward wave, but he didn’t look back at her.

Jerk.

Suzanne tried not to be hurt, because really, what was different about this than any other day she encountered Ryder?

But she was, in a way that irritated her. Two years, and she was still hurting. Two years, and they still couldn’t manage to have a conversation without misunderstanding each other.

And yet, the night before she had seriously considered having sex with him.

Which made her a complete masochist. Or an idiot. Or both.

“If he was really a girl, you’d know, right?” Nikki asked.

Suzanne felt reassured that she wasn’t such an idiot after all. Nikki had the market on stupid cornered.