I Am Legend
SOUND; A MURMURED RUSTLE in the air. Robert Neville coughed weakly, then grimaced as the pain filled his chest. A bubbling groan passed his lips and his head rolled slightly on the flat pillow. The sound grew stronger, it became a rumbling mixture of noises. His hands drew in slowly at his sides. Why didn't they take the fire off his chest? He could feel hot coals dropping through openings in his flesh. Another groan, agonized and breathless, twitched his graying lips. Then his eyes fluttered open.
He stared at the rough plaster ceiling for a full minute without blinking. Pain ebbed and swelled in his chest with an endless, nerve-clutching throb. His face remained a taut, lined mask of resistance to the pain. If he relaxed for a second, it enveloped him completely; he had to fight it. For the first few minutes he could only struggle with the pain, suffering beneath its hot stabbing. Then, after a while, his brain began to function; slowly, like a machine faltering, starting and stopping, turning and jamming gears.
Where am I? It was his first thought. The pain was awful. He looked down at his chest and saw that it was bound with a wide bandage, a great, moist spot of red rising and falling jerkily in the middle of it. He closed his eyes and swallowed. I'm hurt, he thought. I'm hurt badly. His mouth and throat felt powdery dry. Where am I, what am I--
Then he remembered; the dark men and the attack on his house. And he knew where he was even before he turned his head slowly, achingly, and saw the barred windows across the tiny cubicle. He looked at the windows for a long time, face tight, teeth clenched together. The sound was outside; the rushing, confused sound.
He let his head roll back on the pillow and lay staring at the ceiling. It was hard to understand the moment on its own terms. Hard to believe it wasn't all a nightmare. Over three years alone in his house. Now this.
But he couldn't doubt the sharp, shifting pain in his chest and he couldn't doubt the way the moist, red spot kept getting bigger and bigger. He closed his eyes. I'm going to die, he thought
He tried to understand that. But that didn't work either. In spite of having lived with death all these years, in spite of having walked a tightrope of bare existence across an endless maw of death--in spite of that he couldn't understand it. Personal death still was a thing beyond comprehension.
He was still on his back when the door behind him opened.
He couldn't turn; it hurt too much. He lay there and listened to footsteps approach the bed, then stop. He looked up but the person hadn't come into view yet. My executioner, he thought, the justice of this new society. He closed his eyes and waited.
The shoes moved again until he knew the person was by the cot. He tried to swallow but his throat was too dry. He ran his tongue over his lips.
"Are you thirsty?"
He looked up with dulled eyes at her and suddenly his heart began throbbing. The increased blood flow made the pain billow up and swallow him for a moment. He couldn't cut off the groan of agony. He twisted his head on the pillow, biting his lips and clutching at the blanket feverishly. The red spot grew bigger.
She was on her knees now, patting perspiration from his brow, touching his lips with a cool, wet cloth. The pain began to subside slowly and her face came into gradual focus. Neville lay motionless, staring at her with pain-filled eyes.
"So," he finally said.
She didn't answer. She got up and sat on the edge of the bed. She patted his brow again. Then she reached over his head and he heard her pouring water into a glass.
The pain dug razors into him as she lifted his head a little so he could drink. This is what they must have felt when the pikes went into them, he thought. This cutting, biting agony, the escape of life's blood.
His head fell back on the pillow.
"Thank you," he murmured.
She sat looking down, at him, a strange mixture of sympathy and detachment on her face. Her reddish hair was drawn back into a tight cluster behind her head and clipped there. She looked very clean-cut and self-possessed.
"You wouldn't believe me, would you?" she said.
A little cough puffed out his cheeks. His mouth opened and he sucked in some of the damp morning air.
"I--believed you," he said.
"Then why didn't you go?"
He tried, to speak but the words jumbled together. His throat moved and he drew in another faltering breath.
"I--couldn't," he muttered. "I almost went several times. Once I even packed and--started out. But I couldn't, I couldn't--go. I was too used to the--the house. It was a habit, just--just like the habit of living. I got--used to it."
Her eyes ran over his sweat-greased face and she pressed her lips, together as she patted his forehead again.
"It's too late now," she said then. "You know that, don't you?"
Something clicked in his throat as he swallowed.
"I know," he said.
He tried to smile but his lips only twitched.
"Why did you fight them?" she said. "They had orders to bring you in unharmed. If you hadn't fired at them they wouldn't have harmed you."
His throat, contracted.
"What difference--" he gasped.
His eyes closed and he gritted his teeth tightly to force back the pain.
When he opened them again she was still there. The expression on her face had not changed.
His smile was weak and tortured.
"Your--your society is--certainly a fine one," he gasped. "Who are those--those gangsters who came to get me? The--the council of justice?"
Her look was dispassionate. She's changed, he thought suddenly.
"New societies are always primitive," she answered. "You should know that. In a way we're like a revolutionary group--repossessing society by violence. It's inevitable. Violence is no stranger to you. You've killed. Many times."
"Only to--to survive."
"That's exactly why we're killing," she said calmly. "To survive. We can't allow the dead to exist beside the living. Their brains are impaired, they exist for only one purpose. They have to be destroyed. As one who killed the dead and the living, you know that."
The deep breath he took made the pain wrench at his insides. His eyes were stark with pain as he shuddered. It's got to end soon, he thought. I can't stand much more of this. No, death did not frighten him. He didn't understand it, but he didn't fear it either.
The swelling pain sank down and the clouds passed from his eyes. He looked up at her calm face.
"I hope so," he said. "But--but did you see their faces when they--they killed?" His throat moved convulsively. "Joy," he mumbled. "Pure joy."
Her smile was thin and withdrawn. She has changed, he thought, entirely.
"Did you ever see your face," she asked, "when you killed?" She patted his brow with the cloth. "I saw it--remember? It was frightening. And you weren't even killing then, you were just chasing me."
He closed his eyes. Why am I listening to her? he thought. She's become a brainless convert to this new violence.
He looked up at her. Her smile was the tight, forced smile of a woman who was trying to forgo being a woman in favor of her dedication.
"Robert Neville," she said, "the last of the old race."
His face tightened.
"Last?' he muttered, feeling the heavy sinking of utter loneliness in him.
"As far as we know," she said casually. "You're quite unique, you know. When you're gone, there won't be anyone else like you within our particular society."
He looked toward the window.
"Those are--people--outside," he said.
She nodded. "They're waiting."
"For my death?'
"For your execution," she said.
He felt himself tighten as he looked up at her.
"You'd better hurry," he said, without fear, with a sudden defiance in his hoarse voice.
They looked at each other for a long moment. Then something seemed to give in her. Her face grew blank.
"I knew it," she said softly. "I knew you wouldn't be afraid."
Impulsively she put her hand over his.
"When I first heard that they were ordered to your house, I was going to go there and warn you. But then I knew that if you were still there, nothing would make you go. Then I was going to try to help you escape after they brought you in. But they told me you'd been shot and I knew that escape was impossible too."
A smile flitted over her lips.
"I'm glad you're not afraid," she said. "You're very brave." Her voice grew soft. "Robert."
They were silent and he felt her hand tighten on his.
"How is it you can--come in here?" he asked then.
"I'm a ranking officer in the new society," she said.
His hand stirred under hers.
"Don't--let it get--" He coughed up blood. "Don't let it get--too brutal. Too heartless."
"What can I--" she started, then stopped. She smiled at him. "I'll try," she said.
He couldn't go on. The pain was getting worse. It twisted and turned like a clutching animal in his body.
Ruth leaned over him.
"Robert," she said, "listen to me. They mean to execute you. Even though you're wounded. They have to. The people have been out there all night, waiting. They're terrified of you, Robert, they hate you. And they want your life."
She reached up quickly and unbuttoned her blouse. Reaching under her brassiere, she took out a tiny packet and pressed it into his right palm.
"It's all I can do, Robert," she whispered, "to make it easier. I warned you, I told you to go." Her voice broke a little. "You just can't fight so many, Robert."
"I know." The words were gagging sounds in his throat.
For a moment she stood over his bed, a look of natural compassion on her face. It was all a pose, he thought, her coming in and being so official. She was afraid to be herself. I can understand that.
Ruth bent over him and her cool lips pressed on his.
"You'll be with her soon," she murmured hastily.
Then she straightened up, her lips pressed together tightly. She buttoned the two top buttons of her blouse. A moment longer she looked down at him. Then her eyes glanced at his right hand.
"Take them soon," she murmured, and turned away quickly.
He heard her footsteps moving across the floor. Then the door was shutting and he heard the sound of it being locked. He closed his eyes and felt warm tears pushing out from beneath the lids. Good-by, Ruth.
Good-by, everything.
Then, suddenly, he drew in a quick breath. Bracing himself, he pushed himself up to a sitting position. He refused to let himself collapse at the burning pain that exploded in his chest. Teeth grating together, he stood up on his feet. For a moment he almost fell, but, catching his balance, he stumbled across the floor on vibrating legs he could hardly feel.
He fell against the window and looked out.
The street was filled with people. They milled and stirred in the gray light of morning, the sound of their talking like the buzzing of a million insects.
He looked out over the people, his left hand gripping the bars with bloodless fingers, his eyes fever-lit.
Then someone saw him.
For a moment there was an increased babbling of voices, a few startled cries.
Then sudden silence, as though a heavy blanket had fallen over their heads. They all stood looking up at him with their white faces. He stared back. And suddenly he thought, I'm the abnormal one now. Normalcy was a majority concept, the standard of many and not the standard of just one man.
Abruptly that realization joined with what he saw on their faces--awe, fear, shrinking horror--and he knew that they were afraid of him. To them he was some terrible scourge they had never seen, a scourge even worse than the disease they had come to live with. He was an invisible specter who had left for evidence of his existence the bloodless bodies of their loved ones. And he understood what they felt and did not hate them. His right hand tightened on the tiny envelope of pills. So long as the end did not come with violence, so long as it did not have to be a butchery before their eyes
Robert Neville looked out over the new people of the earth. He knew he did not belong to them; he knew that, like the vampires, he was anathema and black terror to be destroyed. And, abruptly, the concept came, amusing to him even in his pain.
A coughing chuckle filled his throat. He turned and leaned against the wall while he swallowed the pills. Full circle, he thought while the final lethargy crept into his limbs. Full circle. A new terror born in death, a new superstition entering the unassailable fortress of forever.
I am legend.