Isabella (The Mitchell/Healy Family #2)(18)
Author: Jennifer Foor

For a few seconds I looked behind me, wondering if somewhere inside of the old church in the distance I’d be able to find help. I certainly didn’t want to drive home for hours with this guy. He’d clearly lost his marbles, and I didn’t want to help him find them.

This was probably why he worked on the ranch. Maybe his family had him declared insane and he had to run away to elude the insane asylum. Obviously he wasn’t taking any of his prescribed medicine. If he had been I was sure he wouldn’t have practically kidnapped me from the clinic.

“Are you coming or not?”

My heart jumped when I heard him talking to me. I turned to see him standing there waiting for me. “Yeah. I’m comin’.”

I hated that he waited for me to get close before he started walking through the graveyard again. At first I wasn’t sure what he was doing. We walked for a while and then he started looking down at the ground, as if he’d lost something. Then I noticed the tiny headstones getting bigger in size. The dates on the graves were becoming more recent.

We walked past a few more before coming to a stone bench. He circled around it and ducked down, wiping off where a name would be. I sat on the bench, still wondering what he was doing. “Are you lookin’ for somethin’ in particular?”

“No. I found them.”

“You found who?” I was at least a little bit curious.

“I’m glad you’re sitting, because this is probably going to take me a while. You say you don’t know me, so obviously you refuse to trust me. That baby growing inside of you needs to be protected. I know you’re probably thinking I’ve lost it. The truth is, I did lose it, but it was a long time ago. Now I just live my life the best I know how to do, because I know there’s no going back.”

“What did you do, Rusty? Tell me why you brought me all the way out here, because I’ve tried to keep calm, but this had gone far enough. If you don’t start explainin’ right now I’m goin’ to start screamin’.” Was this the graves of people he’d killed?

“My family is…,” he said in a whisper. “Sorry, this is harder than I thought.” When his body sort of collapsed onto the ground, I started to realize that this wasn’t really about me at all. This poor man was in pain and I had no idea why.

“Your family? Do they live near here? Is this your parents graves?”

He shook his head. “No. It’s not my parents. My precious little girl is buried here, Isabella. She was three when God took her away from me.” He wiped the edge of his eye, causing me to look at his face. His lips trembled as he began talking again. “She was my everything. I lived and breathed to be near her. She was so beautiful. Her pretty blonde hair was always so full of curls, and it would bounce when she would walk or run.” He looked into the distance, trying to compose himself to carry on. “Her eyes, were so green, just like her mother’s. I’ll never be able to get them out of my mind, even if I wanted to. One look at either of them and I was pudding in their hands.”

I heard him sniffle and take another break from talking. In a matter of minutes all of my fear had dissipated. “Oh my God. Rusty, I had no idea.” Imagining anyone losing their child was awful, but this man was clearly in so much pain that he’d tried to bury it, by running away. “How did it happen?”

He sniffled and wiped his face again. “Honestly, I don’t even know if the doctors were certain. They called it bacterial meningitis. She was fine in the morning and dead by dinner. We had no warning. I still remember that day. She came into our bedroom and woke us both up. She kept begging for us to take her to the park, but I had yard work to do, and I told her no.” He broke down, making it difficult to speak. “All she wanted to do was go on the damn swings and I couldn’t give her a few minutes of my time. How could I be so selfish?” His sad eyes were so lost.

My body lurched forward until my arms were around his crouched body. “I’m so sorry, Rusty.” I could feel hot tears building in my own eyes. I pictured this healthy little girl smiling, and then her being gone. The agony that he must have gone through every single day since then had to take a toll on him. “I can’t imagine what you must have felt that day.”

“I just don’t understand why. I was a good father. I protected her, and made sure she wasn’t ever scared. To this day it haunts me when I think about the way she looked in that hospital bed. It was like she knew I couldn’t save her. I’ve never felt someone’s fear before that day. I’ve never felt pain until that moment she took her last breath.”

My cheeks were wet as I continued to try to fight my own emotions. Being pregnant didn’t make it any easier. Then I realized why he’d brought me here. I knew exactly what he was trying to force me to see, and any ill feelings I had for the man were suddenly gone. “She knew you were there with her, Rusty. That has to count for somethin’.”

“This is the first time I’ve been here. I couldn’t come before, because it only makes it all play out in my head again. I hate myself for wanting to forget her. I just don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want to feel the constant ache that I have for her.”

I pulled him closer and let the grown man cry. “I get it, Rusty.”

He moved back and looked up at me. His eyes were so glossed over I wondered if he could actually see me as he spoke. “Do you? Can you understand how life is precious?”

“Of course. Look, I wouldn’t have gone through with it. That’s why I didn’t go directly inside.” He was questioning my ability to be compassionate. I had to stay calm to be able to comfort him without getting defensive.

“You don’t know how lucky you are. A child is a beautiful blessing. When you think your life is over, you’ll have that one person that’s going to love you unconditionally. There isn’t anything that I wouldn’t give to have just more day with her. I’m begging you, Isabella, please don’t give up that chance at happiness. Even if it’s only for a little amount of time, being a parent is the most wonderful gift.”

A rush of painful emotions hit me all at once. The fact that I’d even considered making that appointment said a lot about my faith in my family, and myself.

Then Rusty moved to the side. There wasn’t just one name on the headstone.

He looked from me to the gravestone and I watched his body sag. “My wife couldn’t take the loss of our daughter. She couldn’t handle any of it. On the day that our daughter passed away she fainted. The doctor gave her some pills to relax, so we’d be able to make arrangements and such. When we arrived at the funeral home she used the ladies room and never came back out. She took the whole bottle, and sat on the cold floor with a picture of our daughter in her hands.”