Isabella (The Mitchell/Healy Family #2)(55)
Author: Jennifer Foor

“Well then we’ve reached a conundrum,” he noted.

I stood up and pointed to the two markers. “For the last couple years you’ve been hidin’ from your past. As much as I want to think that it’s easy to come here and let things go, I know it’s not. I think it would be best if you stayed for a while to figure out what’s next for you. Clearly you’ve got a ton to deal with.”

“My life is in Kentucky with you. Where is this coming from?”

“Russell Tillman belongs here in Indiana, runnin’ an animal clinic. He doesn’t have to shovel shit and deal with my family any longer. Don’t you get that? You don’t have to hide anymore.”

He sat down next to me and looked out into the distance. “I get what you’re saying, but you’re missing the most important thing. My life is in Kentucky with you.”

“You’re not obligated to stay with me because you promised to be the father to my child. That’s what I’m tellin’ you. Rusty, I can’t expect you to commit to a life raisin’ another man’s child. We should be goin’ out on dates and doin’ what new couples do, instead of movin’ in together and plannin’ a family.” I couldn’t believe those words were coming out of my mouth. It had to be the adrenaline, causing me to have the strength to say what was on my mind. I didn’t want Rusty feeling like he settled. I wanted to be together because he loved me, and then fell in love with my daughter.

Again, it all went back to me not knowing if he’d chose to be with me because I gave him back some kind of stability. I wondered if his feelings for me were only there because he was desperate to feel something again, after so long.

It was as if each time I felt content, something would happen to make me question it all. With a growing baby inside of me, I had to make a decision to protect her. I had to do what was best.

He reached over and put his hand on my knee, waiting for our eyes to meet before he spoke. “In some ways I agree with you, but in others you’re very off base. The bottom line is that I can’t keep trying to reassure you of something you’re never going to be able to accept. I could tell you that I love you every second of every day, but I don’t see it ever being good enough. I get that our relationship is unconventional, but it’s real. Can’t you see that?” His eyes were so filled with pain, albeit they couldn’t change the way I felt.

“I think you need to stay here, Rusty. Get things handled. Help your parents. When you get all of that taken care of, we’ll see where we’re at,” I was almost losing it as I spoke. As soon as the sentence was done I began to sob. My body trembled and I felt him putting his arms around me.

We sat there for the longest time in silence, both of us not knowing what to say to change each other’s minds. I knew he didn’t want me to go, but it was the right decision. I wanted him to know without a doubt what he wanted before the baby was born.

Chapter 34

Isabella

We couldn’t move forward until we dealt with the past. Rusty had been brave going back home and facing his buried fears. I watched him suffer through so many emotions, and felt the pain of his insecurities. In order for him to love himself again he had to be able to accept that he couldn’t change what happened to his girls. They were gone, and he had to keep living. He couldn’t hide from his old life and pretend that it never happened. These were his demons, and until he figured them out there wouldn’t be a future for us.

After a very long and emotional discussion we came to an agreement that I’d catch a flight to spend my weekend with my parents, and Rusty would pick me up on the way home. It wasn’t exactly how I wanted to spend my weekend, but it sure as hell beat being freaked out for another two days.

On the bright side of things my parents were excited to see me. My mom planned a whole day trip so that we could shop for the baby’s room. I’d talked about a pink room for a long time, but ended up going with a soft yellow. While in town we were going to get me registered for baby supplies, and with my mom’s help I’d be able to get everything that I actually needed, instead of picking the things that seemed utterly adorable.

Obviously, my parents required an explanation of why I’d flown in from Indiana, without my boyfriend. I could tell from the look on my dad’s face that he wasn’t going to let me go more than five minutes without explaining. After he put my bag in the back, he climbed into the driver’s seat and turned to face me. “What happened, Iz? Do I need to kick some ass?”

I rolled my eyes. “No, Dad. It’s not like that.”

He reached over and tugged on my ponytail as he spoke. “Did my little girl get her feelings hurt?”

I swatted his hand away from my hair. “Stop. He’s in Indiana dealin’ with his family. It’s complicated, but I couldn’t stand bein’ there.”

“Uncomplicate it.”

“Fine, but I’m only tellin’ you because you’re my dad and I trust that you won’t make a big deal out of it. Apparently I’m a dead ringer for Rusty’s ex. I about gave his mother a heart attack. To make matters worse his parents bought his old house and made it a shrine. It’s creepy as shit. I had to get away from all of it, and I even feel bad that I left Rusty there. It was quite obvious that he didn’t even want to be there.”

“Hold on. Are you telling me that you look exactly like his dead wife?”

“We could be sisters.”

My dad seemed to be as shocked as I was when I first discovered it. “I’m probably not supposed to say how weird that is.”

I put up my hand. “Seriously, Dad. I love the man, but it still gets to me.”

“Honey, are you sure that he’s not trying to replace what he lost? It seems to me like that could be happening. I just don’t want you getting yourself involved with a man long-term that’s in it for those reasons.”

I knew by telling him it would open a can of worms that I wasn’t in the mood to discuss. Still, I knew I had to defend my relationship, even if sometimes I felt the same way. “At first, before I would give him the time of day, yes. He was most definitely obsessed with me because I reminded him of her. I felt like he was stalking me. Come to find out, it was because I resembled Simone so much. When we started bein’ friends all of that changed. He saw me for who I am, and not who she was. Trust me, Dad, I would have never given him the time of day otherwise.”