It Ain't Me, Babe

My mouth gaped open. It was truly shocking how crass all the men spoke. Their words were harsh, but so far, their actions were nothing but kind.

With a heavy sigh, I stood up and followed Rider back to the clubhouse and into his room. It was sparse but clean. He stripped the bed and, from a drawer, removed fresh but discolored old linen.

Rider shrugged apologetically. “It ain’t much, but it’ll do.”

Wrapping my arms around my waist, I asked, “Why are you doing this?”

“What?” he asked in confusion.

“Helping me. Taking care of me?”

Rider moved beside me, his short, rough beard disguising what I imagined to be a friendly face. “Ordered to.”

My stomach flipped. I hated feeling like a problem they all had to deal with.

Rider sighed and leaned against the wall. “Let’s just say I’m paying it forward.” He pulled a tiny smirk at my confused frown. “Found myself in a similar situation to yours years back. This club pulled me out of it. I got my reasons for helping you that aren’t of your concern. All you need to do is heal. That okay?”

Exhaling a resolved breath, I nodded and dragged my tired body to the large bed, slumping down. “Looks like I have no choice. But I am thankful for your help, regardless.”

After a while, Rider left and I lay in a proper bed for the first time ever. As a Cursed, I was ordered to sleep on a hard mattress on the floor.

Surrounded by comfort, I quickly fell into a fitful, disturbed sleep. I tried to convince myself it was the visions of Prophet David, Gabriel, or even my poor Bella that kept me from a peaceful slumber. But that was a lie.

Styx.

I could not stop thinking about Styx.

Chapter Ten

Mae

One month later…

I finished dressing in the long black dress and cardigan Beauty had given me and moved to sit on the bed. Picking up the Bible Rider had bought me, I continued reading and could not help but sigh. It had become apparent that The Order did not follow the teachings correctly. This book was not the one we would read from, learn from… believe with all our hearts. It was clear Prophet David had used passages and verses that suited his goal and his ideology.

We did not know… my people were living in ignorance.

I felt an infuriating tidal wave of anger at how I had been living my whole life. It all felt like such a waste. Twenty-three years of living a lie. Living under strict rules and stern men.

It almost brought me to tears.

My life over the last month, however, had been so different. At commune, my days were hard and mundane, but I suppose I had purpose: to serve the brothers in any way they saw fit. At the clubhouse of the Hangmen, my days and nights were spent locked in Rider’s room, healing and hiding from the world on the other side of the door—no purpose.

Only at certain times was I permitted to leave the room—when women were allowed to be at the compound—mostly Friday and Saturday nights. In the two short trips I had made into the lounge area, with Rider glued to my side, I had been horrified. Most of the men were gone on the long run with Styx, but a few remained to protect the compound. The men I saw used women in indescribable ways, the women happy to be of service, high on opiates… on show for all to see. One woman even invited me to join in, to engage in explicit sexual acts with the other girls in the center of the room. Before I could react, Rider appeared as if from nowhere, chasing them away, just a simple nod of his head in my direction in acknowledgement. That was enough to usher me back to the safety of his bedroom.

Rider visited often, checking my wound and redressing the bandage. Sometimes he would disappear for short periods of time. In fact, most of the men did, out on something they called “handling business.” I got the feeling there was more to it than simply riding their bikes somewhere, but I knew from the club rules, explained to me by Rider, that women “don’t ask no questions.”

Rider and I had become close. He was always kind to me and I never saw him with the loose women, much to my relief. In fact, he would spend his time sitting in this room with me, quietly reading or patiently teaching me about the world outside. I thanked the Lord every day that he had been given the task of caring for me while Styx was gone, and not one of the other brothers.

A knock sounded at the door, pulling me from my daze, and closing the Bible, I jumped up in excitement. It would be Rider. He had left early this morning to get some things from the store for me to try.

Racing to the door, I pulled it open, smiling wide in excitement, but I faltered at who was before me and my heart immediately began racing in my chest.