It Ain't Me, Babe

Leaning forward, Rider went nose-to-nose with me, his anger ebbing, and a flash of sadness ghosted across his face. As I swallowed in nerves, his hands cupped my face. “Have you f**ked him, Mae? Have you given yourself to him? It’s driving me insane. I can’t picture you like that with him. It’s f**kin’ killing me… killing me…”

I tried to push him away, but I could not move him. “Rider, what I do privately is none of your business.”

“Are you kidding me?” he hushed out quietly. “Of course it’s my business!” His head tipped back and, taking a long, deep breath, Rider met my gaze and confessed, “You’re mine, Mae. I f**kin’ want you in my bed, not Styx’s. We’re good together, Mae. Real good. I’d never f**k with you, never f**k anyone behind your back—”

“Nor would Styx.” I interrupted.

Rider regarded me as though I was simple. “You sure about that, sugar? Styx ain’t who you think he is. He f**ks sluts. Drinks. Kills. He hasn’t earned the rep he’s got for nothing.”

“He is very different with me. And anyway, you kill too. People in glass houses should not throw stones!”

“Maybe I do kill, sugar, but I’d leave all this shit for you. I’d leave this club behind for you. I’d change. Go straight if you wanted me to.”

Rider’s breath became ragged as he stared longingly at my lips. He edged closer, almost pressing his lips to mine but at the last second, I turned my head.

Rider groaned in exasperation. “What is it you see in him?” I stayed silent. He could not, would not understand. “Answer me, Mae!” he demanded, then pressed his forehead against mine. “Please…”

“Everything,” I said quietly and Rider stopped breathing altogether. “He is everything to me. I see everything in him. We share something no one else can understand.”

Taking two steps back, scoffing in disbelief, Rider ran his hands down his face. I could have sworn I saw the shine of moisture fill his eyes.

“Then you know what, Mae? Go get your f**kin’ everything. If you can’t see with your own eyes what’s the truth, then stay blind.” On that final note, Rider leaped down the steps.

Grief overwhelmed me; my legs gave way, my back sliding slowly down the wall until I sat like a ragdoll on the floor.

Folding my arms on my bent knees, I lowered my head and let the tears fall. How had things become so bad so quickly with Rider? He is my best friend!

However, as I thought back over the last few weeks, my chest constricted. The signs of him growing to like me were there: the touches, the secret smiles, increasingly intimate conversations—at least on his side. How could I have been so blind? I had been too wrapped up in Styx to notice. Who was I kidding? I had been wrapped up in Styx since the age of eight.

I have only ever had eyes for Styx.

He was my world, my everything. My almost losing him tonight had served only to double my desire for the silent man.

He needs me.

And I need him.

I want the opportunity to get to know him. I want our journey to really begin.

“Mae?” Blinking in shock, I lifted my head to see Ky at the doorway of Styx’s apartment, looking down at me, brow furrowed. “You okay?”

Wiping my eyes, I climbed to my feet. “Yes.”

“Where’s Rider?” he asked, craning his head to look down the hallway.

“He left.”

Ky stared at me, a knowing glint in his eyes. I expected him to say something, but he just opened the door, jerking his chin for me to go inside.

The bed was empty.

“Where is he?” I asked, hearing the door close.

“In the washroom. He’s rinsed himself in the shower, but the stubborn f**ker can barely stand. Won’t take my help. He’s running a bath now. Safer than falling on his face, I suppose.”

I nodded and headed that way, but Ky’s hand on my arm stopped me. “He’s got you, yeah? For real? You’re his?”

He wanted confirmation I would not hurt his friend, his best friend.

Pressing my hand on the top of his, I nodded. “I have always been his. I will never see anyone else. I will always be his and his alone.”

Sighing in relief, Ky headed for the door. “You’re good for him. I see that now.” He did not turn round as he spoke. Then all of a sudden, Styx and I were alone in his apartment, no sound but the running water from the faucet in the bathroom.

Bracing myself at the door to the bathroom, I pressed down on the handle and pushed my way through. I immediately froze. Styx stood in the center of the room, his broad muscled back to me… naked. His head was bowed, his body sagging with exhaustion, his heavily tattooed skin raked with long gashes.