Kiss Me at Midnight(21)
Author: Diane Alberts

Which was good. Right?

He forced himself to shrug nonchalantly. “Yeah, well, it’s all part of my life plan.”

She nodded. “So, then, your plan is to be alone for the rest of your life?”

“Pretty much.”

She flinched and studied him. He saw concern in her eyes, loud and clear. “But does that make you happy?”

“I’ve been happy since I left, Ash. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but it’s true. I like the life I’ve built in California. I like my job. My friends. And I like not getting attached or caring about who I’m with. It’s how I am now.”

At least he had, up until finding Ashley again.

Right this second? With her sitting across the table looking at him as if…as if she cared for him? Hell yeah, he was happy. He shifted in his chair, realizing that she was a huge contributor to his current happiness.

“You know what I think?” She set her glass down. “I think you’re scared.”

He motioned her onward, even though he didn’t really want to hear what she had to say. “Don’t stop there. Tell me. What am I scared of?”

“I think you’re scared of feeling anything because you’re scared to get hurt. I think you don’t know what you want out of life, so you hide behind your plans. You use them like a shield, not letting anyone get too close. Not letting yourself care. But you do care. I can see it in your eyes when you look at me.” She tapped her fingers on the table. “You care, whether you want to or not.”

She hit way too close to home with that. The fact that she could read him so easily scared the shit out of him. He forced a laugh. “Are you taking a class in phycology or something?”

“I have before, but not now.” She lifted her hand and then let it fall back to the table. “Why? Was I right?”

He took a shaky breath, not quite meeting her gaze. “Nope.”

“If you say so.” She canted her head and offered him a small smile. “Do me.”

“Excuse me?” He cocked a brow. “I thought I just did.”

She waved a hand. “You know what I mean. Analyze me. It’s only fair since I did you, right?”

He didn’t want to analyze her. But then he opened his mouth, and the words came flying out uncontrollably. “I think you’re a little bit bitter that you’re being forced to move back home, but you’re doing it anyway because that’s how you are. And I think you want me to come back so you’re not here all alone, and so we can be friends just like in the old days, but you also know me well enough to know that I won’t, so you haven’t asked.” He swallowed. “And I think you’re scared, too, of what you’re going to do now that you’re stuck back in this town. I know I would be, too.”

“Wow.” She blinked at him. “That’s pretty damn correct. Did you take a class in phycology?”

He let out an uneasy laugh. “I might have taken a course for fun in senior year.”

“Well, then, let me ask you another question.” She leaned forward. “Does part of you want to stay for me, even though you never would? Even though I would never ask you to?”

He stiffened. He couldn’t see what good would possibly come of him answering that question. “Ashley…”

“Yeah?” When he didn’t continue, she cocked her head. “You going to answer, or what?”

“There’s no point in answering that question at all,” he gritted out. Telling her that he was tempted would do no good. Temptation or not, he wasn’t going to stay. End of story. “So, no, I’m not.”

“Why not? I want to know.”

“Because you won’t like the answer I give.”

She cocked a brow. “Try me. I think I can handle it.”

She was pushing too hard—too fast. His fight or flight instinct kicked it, and he didn’t know which was stronger. “No, I don’t even think about staying here at all.”

“Fair enough,” she said, not even flinching at his denial.

He ran his hands down his face. “Okay, that’s not entirely true. If I was going to do it for anyone, it would be for you.”

Why had he said that?

He looked her in the eye and opened his mouth to take it back. To deny everything he was feeling for her—even if he didn’t know what the hell that was. To keep his heart safe.

But when he opened his mouth, nothing came out. Nothing at all.

She bit her lower lip. “When you walk away from me in the morning—and don’t worry, I won’t try to stop you—I’ll miss you. I just thought you should know.”

“We can keep in touch.”

She gave a little laugh. “I know. But still. It’s not the same as…” She motioned at the table and twisted her lips in a poor imitation of a smile. “This. I’ll miss this.”

Somewhere in the middle of this meal, something inside of him had shifted, leaving his heart vulnerable to attack. And, man, she attacked mercilessly without even trying.

He made a broken sound he couldn’t believe came from his own f**king mouth, stood up, came around the table, and cupped her behind the nape of the neck. He kissed her, not even bothering to offer a reply. It wasn’t a kiss of dominance or even passion. It felt more like an admission of sorts. And knowing she felt the same…something…that he felt, well, that made this all the more difficult to accept.

He wanted to stay here, with her, but he couldn’t. Wouldn’t.

So he kissed her instead.

“I’ll miss this, too, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m not staying.”

“I know.” She bit down on her lip. “I didn’t ask you to stay.”

And she hadn’t. She got him, and he liked that about her.

He started for her bedroom, and she laid her head on his chest. He closed his eyes for a second, memorizing the way she felt in his arms, then laid her down on the bed. Her hair flowed over the pillow, and she looked up at him with equal parts sadness and acceptance in her eyes.

She knew, just as much as he did, that this would be their last time together. That come tomorrow, he’d go back to his safe world in California.

And she’d be stuck here.

He laid his body on top of hers, his lips touching hers gently. This time it wouldn’t be about the thrill or the rush. This time, it would be about memories. About two people who cared about one another, even if they weren’t right for each other. About moving on.