Knightfall (Page 39)

“If you’d just help me convince Wyle to break the distance spell—”

Connor reached up to loosen my grip. He stopped our waltz, no doubt annoying the piano player who’d started and stopped eight times over the course of this lesson already.

Connor gazed steadily at me. “Bloss, Ryan is on this. Quinn’s people are looking into it. I’ve spread rumors that we’ve been doing nightly air patrols. That should douse the mass panic. You need to trust us.”

I wrung my hands, mimicking the feeling in my gut. I was a twisted, gnarled mess inside. “I … I’m not used to doing that,” I confessed, staring at the black and white pattern on the marble floor.

“I’m aware. If you were, you never would have run in the first place.”

I glanced up. “I am sorry.”

He shook his head. “I’m just … so angry at you.” He dropped his grip on me and took a few steps away. He looked at the piano player. “Can we have the room for a few minutes? I’ll fetch you when we’re ready.”

The piano man slunk off in a hurry.

Connor turned back toward me. Without an audience, the anger on his face was blinding. He didn’t bother to contain it. It hit me like a blast of heat, the kind that comes from stepping out of the shade into the midday midsummer sun. I withered.

“You didn’t trust me enough to tell me. You didn’t trust me enough to take care of you, to protect you—”

“I couldn’t—”

He shook his head. “You could have found a way. Look at now. How’d you get the other knights to figure it out?”

“I … but I’m different now. Back then, I was so scared of stepping out of line.”

“You ran away! How much more stepping out of line does it get?”

“I was trying to save everyone.”

“By leaving me? Leaving your other knights? Leaving your mother without an heir? Leaving Evaness without a god-damned queen?” Connor snapped. “You’re so much smarter and better than the rest of us that you didn’t need our help?”

I took a step back. His fury smacked at me. Punched me. Hit me like a plank. My chest felt bruised, beaten. It was hard to take a breath. Because he was right. He was completely and utterly right. I’d been arrogant.

Connor didn’t let up. He had four years of pent up anger, of hurt and loss and self-doubt swirling inside him that needed to pour out. And pour it did. “You think your mother didn’t search for a cure? Are you that stupid? To think that Queen Gela didn’t use every resource she had to help you? She’s always thought of you. Always! She never told me exactly what was wrong, Bloss. But she did take me aside after you left. Told me something wasn’t right with you. I thought she meant not right in the head—which still sarding applies—”

“You’re right.” I sank to the floor and hugged my knees. My head felt hollow. Everything I’d done, and all the reasons I’d had, took on a new light. “You’re right.”

“Of course, I’m sarding right! I know I’m right.”

“I’m sorry.” I dipped my head onto my knees. I clearly pictured each person I’d left behind. And how their life had been made that much harder. Trying to take on my responsibilities, to cover for me, to act as though everything was fine; I’d hurt a lot of people.

Connor came up and loomed over me. “I don’t give a damn that you’re sorry. I don’t believe that you’re sorry. If you were, you wouldn’t be thinking about leaving. You’re exactly the same as you used to be. You haven’t grown up at all. You’re a scared little girl who wants to run away and leave everyone behind to pick up the pieces behind you.”

I curled up further, tucking my head and hiding from the truths he hurled at me. It hurt, realizing how wrong I was. It physically cut me. Made me feel ill. I had hurt so many people. So, so many people.

Quinn appeared at the door.

What’s going on?

Connor didn’t respond. He just stomped out, leaving me behind in a broken heap. The irony of it wasn’t lost on me.

Quinn knelt beside me. Are you okay, Dove?

I didn’t answer. I just stared off into space, feeling as jagged and broken as glass.

“—well, it will be the first Evaness ball I’ve—” a man’s voice cut off.

I glanced up. I was still curled up on the dance floor; Quinn was beside me, rubbing my spine. I’d been staring silently at nothing for over an hour.

Avia and Mateo had come into the room, hands linked.

As soon as Avia spotted me, she dropped Mateo’s hand and rushed forward.

“Bloss, what’s wrong?”

I shook my head and laughed. I had to fight to keep the laugh from turning into a cry. My voice croaked as I answered, “Connor just pointed out what an ass I am.”

“Should I punch him for you?” Avia stroked my arm.

“No. I feel like I should let everyone line up and take shots at me.”

“If we all did that, there’d be nothing of you left.”

“I might be alright with that,” I sighed, rubbing my face.

“Quinn, can you and Mateo give us a minute?” Avia asked.

Quinn stood, stretching. He nodded at Mateo and they moved a few feet away.

“So … tell me.”

“He just said what you said last night, essentially. Don’t run.”

“See. I’m right.”

I sighed. “You’re right. I can’t run. But … at this point, I don’t know what I can do to convince any of them to trust me on that front.”

Avia smiled with a glint in her eye. “I might have an idea.” She turned to Mateo. “M, can you please show Quinn that demonstration of the wild orangutan your brother ran into in Lored?”

Mateo instantly turned red. “Um … I, that’s not really something I—”

“It’s for a very good cause,” Avia cut him off and turned to Quinn. “And you, sir. Don’t you dare listen or I’ll put cinnamon into every dish you eat from now on! I know you hate it. That’s right. The chef told me your weakness.”

Quinn put a hand on his chest in an exaggeration of innocence.

Avia just shook a warning finger at him. Then she turned to Mateo. “Alright. Go ahead.”

And that’s when the Macedonian ambassador’s son stooped, swung his hands over his head, and started screeching.

I turned to Avia in fascination. “You have him wrapped around your finger.”

She winked. “I’ll help you do the same.” She leaned in. “Now, here’s the plan.”

My eyes widened as she whispered. And I couldn’t help that my heart thumped faster from nerves. “Are you sure it’s a good idea?”

“It’s the best way to prove you’re serious.”

“But what if they won’t—”

Avia rolled her eyes. “Ask Quinn.”

I turned to look at Quinn, who was completely ignoring Mateo as the other man bounded around the room, hooting and hollering. Quinn’s eyes were firmly fixed on mine and a small smile stretched across his lips.

Were you listening?

Of course, I was listening, Dove. I’m a spy.

Well? Will it work? Do you think—

Yes. Quinn’s grin stretched wider. It’ll work.

I turned to Avia and gave her a slow nod. “Alright. You have full reign.”

Avia hugged me and squealed. “Oh! This ball just got a hundred times more exciting!” She sprang to her feet and grabbed Mateo. “Come on!”

“Where are we going?” he asked as she ran out the door.

My sister didn’t respond. She simply tugged him behind her and disappeared down the hall.

Quinn came forward and captured my lips in a soft kiss.

Come, Dove. Let’s get my princess ready for the ball.

Chapter Twenty-Five

I’d never seen the ballroom look more beautiful. The room was lined in archways and marble pillars. The pillars had been decorated with climbing vines with pink leaves that glowed slightly. I was certain Wyle had been put to work. The parquet wood floors had an intricate rose pattern that almost looked woven. They gleamed under the candle chandeliers.

An orchestra sat on a high balcony, overlooking the dance floor. To one side were thrones on a raised dais, overlooking the splendor of it all. Normally, my mother and fathers would look down from those thrones. But my mother’s condition didn’t allow it this time. The thrones remained empty.

Instead of focusing on that, I allowed my gaze to continue around the room, where tables were piled high with food sculpted into different towering shapes.

Along one wall at the end of the dance floor was a mirror. And that’s when I saw the full effect of my gown for the first time.

Mother had commissioned me a silver dress. It was lined with the most delicate lace, lace that was actually soft to the touch. The neckline scooped low, and the waistline high, allowing my skirt to flare out naturally. Diamonds were sewn into the lace lining my collar and the sash that snugged the dress to my waist. A wild crown full of shells and jewels adorned my head. My silver sleeves were thin and covered in lace. I couldn’t help but turn and admire how the silver shimmered in the candlelight. Silver was a color typically reserved for brides.