Leveled

I dug my cell out of the desk drawer I left it in when I was with clients and fired it up. I had a missed call from my brother and a text from my mom but nothing from Dom. It made my heart squeeze and that shiver of shame turn into a full-on quake of disgrace. I was turning this all around right now. I was living life and not letting fear keep me stuck in place and away from all the great things that I could be moving towards.

I hit Dom’s number and groaned when it went to voice mail. After his deep voice finished with the greeting, I left a short and sweet message. “I hear we have reason to celebrate. I’m so proud of you, Dom. I can’t wait to tell you in person.”

I hung up and finished with the files I needed to keep updated for billing and insurance and then headed out to Rome’s bar. It didn’t even occur to me that I should be nervous that Royal had said Dom’s family was going to be there and I would be meeting them for the first time. I started to sweat a little even though it was chilly out and bounced my keys up and down in my hand as I pulled the door open.

The bar was already pretty full. Familiar faces mixed with ones I had never seen but they all looked excited to be there and happy to be gathered together. There was plenty of police presence and I caught sight of an older woman with dark hair who had to be Dom’s mom. When a younger woman with similar coloring and the same olive-green eyes as my guy appeared at her side, I knew I was looking at Dom’s family. I was going to put my big-boy britches on and go introduce myself when I got sidetracked by a shoulder bump.

I looked over at Rule and involuntarily sucked in a breath like I always had to do with him.

“So your guy is going back to work. You work all that out up here?” He tapped a tattooed finger to the side of his head.

“Yeah, I mean not all the way, but I’m not going to walk away because of his job. I realized today how stupid that would be.” I sighed. “I stayed with Rem when he didn’t want to come clean about what was going on between us, when that was a much better reason to leave.”

Rule nodded and clapped a hand on my shoulder. “Rome and I were both so pissed when Shaw finally told us about Rem. We felt betrayed, lied to, and since he was gone, the only person who we could take it out on was her. She didn’t deserve it and then I was pissed at him for being gone, so I couldn’t be mad at the right person. Anger takes up a lot of space and if you let it, it’ll push out all the other good things that are waiting to be felt.”

He pointed across the big room to where his pretty blond wife was talking to another blond woman. It took me a second to realize that I knew her, well, had met her. It was the lawyer with man problems from the gym, and if I had to guess, I would bet the source of those problems was the hunky guy with the beard who towered above the rest of the crowd and couldn’t take his eyes off her. I turned back to Rule who was still talking.

“I had to lose everything before I realized that I didn’t want to be angry at him, I didn’t want to be angry at all. I wanted to love him and remember how special he was. I wanted to cherish the time we had and not taint it by turning his absence into an excuse I could use to be a dick to the people who cared about me. Don’t lose anything, dude. And don’t use what you had with my brother as an excuse not to love someone else. He would hate that.”

I didn’t have any words. All I could do was turn and take this tattooed, pierced replica of my first love into a hug that finally made me feel like I had permission to move on. It was okay to be mad that someone you loved hurt you unintentionally, as long as that’s not all you were. The sentiment and the lessons might have been Rule’s, but the kindness and understanding that I needed all of that felt like shadows of forgiveness and understanding from Remy. He hugged me back and just as I was about to thank him for setting me free, the door to the bar swung open and I heard Dom grumble, “I’m tired. It was a long-ass day and I don’t care if you told Royal you would bring me out for a drink. You tricked me into leaving my apartment, Ari. Next time you tell me you need me to come change your tire I won’t believe you.”

A husky female voice barked back, “Stop being such a sourpuss. One drink won’t hurt you, grouchy pants.”

I looked over Rule’s shoulder where I was still holding onto him and my eyes locked with Dom’s. I saw him do a double-take, his eyes widening as he took in the crowd gathered to celebrate his accomplishment and then narrow into slits as Rule let go of me and took a step to my side. I took a step towards him as he took one back towards the open door, his eyes locked on Remy’s twin. The twin who shared the face of the boy on my wall. The twin who he didn’t know was the surviving one of the set because Remy was dead. My omission, my inability to talk about my first love was about to smack me right across the face.

“Not so out of the picture after all, is he, Lando?” Dom’s voice sounded like acid poured over rusty nails.

“No, Dom …” But my explanation came too late as he stormed back out the door, leaving a room of stunned faces staring after him and his adorable little sister looking like she wanted to take a carving knife to my balls.

“What the hell?” Rule snapped the question out as I rushed towards the door.

“He doesn’t know Remy is dead. I never told him and I still have pictures up in my house of the two of us. I told him things ended badly. He doesn’t know because I was too much of a coward to tell him.” Panic made my words rushed and jumbled together as I threw them back over my shoulder at Rule.