Lost in Distraction (Lost #1)(9)
Author: B.J. Harvey

Dammit. I can’t deny that Brax has an effect on me like no one else.

After leaving her apartment last night, I send Shay a text asking to meet up. He’s like my verbal conscience, something I need right now since I seem to be ignoring mine every opportunity I get.

We meet up at a bar a few blocks away from my house. After ordering us a round of beers and bringing them back to our seats, Shay sits down and looks at me. I know this look. He’s waiting for me to lay it all out for him. I sent him a text when Elle was having her panic attack in the bathroom before dinner. She must have thought I couldn’t hear her talking to herself and it took every ounce of self-control not to laugh, but it was damn cute.

I tell Shay everything. What I felt when I saw Elle’s photo in the file, the sorrow I felt reading about her background, and the tragedy of losing her family. Nobody should ever have to face losing their world in one fateful night. It was just pure luck she was not there too.

I finish my verbal confession to Shay with the kiss. It may not have been a ‘hold on to your coat tails’ kind of kiss, or a deep plunging exploration of each other, but it was mind blowing all the same. A kiss that showed the possibilities, the desire to do more.

All in all, a total and utter mind f**k.

Shay looks at me, shaking his head, “Dude, you know this can’t happen. You’re putting everything at risk, especially her.”

“I know man, but it’s like we’re magnets. She is amazing. She is surprisingly strong and she has no idea how beautiful she is. There is no sense of entitlement or ego. She doesn’t let anybody get close and from what the file says, she hasn’t let anybody get close for a very long time. But she seems to be opening up to me.”

“B, you can’t do this. You’ll get pulled off the job if Gibbons finds out,” he says, desperate for me to see sense.

“Only if they find out, Shay. I’m not going to tell them and I know you won’t, either. Maybe getting closer to her will help me protect her. She might confide in me and I might be able to find out more about her father’s business and any deals he had going. Isn’t that what Gibbons is hoping for? To find out about her and her father?”

I’m desperately trying to justify my position here, and I can tell Shay isn’t buying it.

“I trust you, B. I know you’ll do the best by us and the job. Just be careful, okay?”

It is as sentimental as we ever get with each other. None of that man hugging business or whacked out handshakes here. “Yeah, man. Now give me the low-down about these developments you mentioned earlier.”

And just like that, we’re back to business.

Shay and I leave the bar around midnight, and I walk by Elle’s apartment just as a precautionary check. I look up and see her lights are off and smile. I hope I haven’t freaked her out too much with the kiss. I couldn’t stop myself. The moment she turned towards me, and I saw that she was battling with her own conscience over what to do next, I made the decision for her. God, I can’t wait until I can kiss her again, but next time it’ll be a deep, plunging, mind-bending kiss that leaves her burning for more. I walk over to my parked car down the road from her place and settle in for the night.

After lying in bed for a good hour, I decide I need to get up and do something constructive with my Saturday. I shower and make some eggs for breakfast before I decide to go for a run, changing into my yoga pants and a tank top. When I reach the street, I turn towards the park and notice a man sitting in his car a few feet away from my building. He’s just sitting there, looking around. That is a bit weird. Maybe he’s waiting for something? I shrug my shoulders and push play on my mp3. A song about being the only girl in the world blasts in my ears and I start running, the song setting a nice easy rhythm to move to. I may not have known him for very long but already this song reminds me of Brax. When we’re together, he makes me feel like I’m the only girl in his world.

It’s nice.

I started running a year after the murders. I was struggling to leave the house on a daily basis and just wanted to shut myself away from the world. My therapist suggested I try running, and it was the best suggestion anyone ever made. It is a great coping mechanism, helping me clear my mind and block out the world for an hour or two.

But today, I can’t get the kiss with Braxton off my mind. Thinking of his lips on mine makes them tingle again. It was so intense I could barely breathe. Just mere inches apart and staring into those ice blue eyes of his, I was lost. And, to be honest, I don’t know that I want to be found.

A song about Bonnie and Clyde starts playing in my ears and I slow down to a slow jog as I approach my building. I know I need to cool down and stretch so that my muscles don’t seize up. I learned that lesson the hard way. I check my watch—it’s been about thirty minutes—and when I look back up I see that the guy in the car is still here. He’s just sitting in his car, but looking down like he’s trying not to be noticed. I pause when I realize he could be a photographer or a journalist. It’s no secret that I’m going to college on the East Coast, but I thought they’d leave me alone now.

Obviously not.

Shaking my head I turn up my music and start running, I need to clear my head.

Shay calls me bright and early to inform me Elle has gone for a run. I scramble out of my bed and throw on some shorts and black wife-beater along with my running shoes. A quick splash of water to my face and I’m out the door, running towards the park. Shay can’t move from his post outside her building, not without it looking obvious, so I have to follow her instead. My mp3 player changes songs and suddenly I’m running along with a song about losing yourself to the music blasting in my ears. I smile to myself. It’s a f**king fantastic song to run to.

I reach the park and see Elise running in the distance ahead of me. She’s in her own little bubble again. I can see headphones in her ears so she must be listening to music, like me. I wonder what she likes to run to. Maybe pop songs, chicks love that shit.

I adjust my pace to match hers, but make sure that I’m far enough behind that I’m not noticeable. I wish I could just tell her I’m watching out for her. Maybe the closer we get, the more I can admit. I chastise myself. No, she can’t ever know. There goes that conscience again.

She starts heading for her building after about an hour. I stop when she’s around the corner from her place and text Shay to tell him he’s on again. I turn around and start walking back to my house. A good way to cool down and stretch my muscles at the same time. While my phone is still in my hand, I decide to text Elise. I can’t wait to see her again. I hope it’s not soon. Maybe she’s shut down again after our kiss. A light hearted text message will gauge how she’s feeling this morning.