Lost to You (Take This Regret 0.5)(15)
Author: A.L. Jackson

Glancing at the screen, he lifted his face to the ceiling and exhaled heavily before he answered. “Hello.”

These were the only times when I paid attention, when I turned my ear to the conversation happening beside me. I listened when they caused Christian’s shoulders to sag and sucked his light from the room. I was disgusted by it. His parent’s pressures were so ingrained in him, held him hostage in a place I was sure Christian didn’t even know he was a prisoner. Every time they called, it was the same, never questioning how he was but what he had done, what he had achieved, pushed him some more. I’d slowly begun to hate them, resenting them for forcing their son toward something that was so obviously holding him back. Christian insisted this was what he wanted for his life, and I knew part of him truly did want to be an attorney, but I could clearly see striving toward his father’s goals for him was more of a burden than a blessing.

“Hi, Dad.”

Through the phone, I could hear his father start right into him. The words were muffled, but a clear hostile coercion.

“Yeah, I got it.”

“No, Dad…I already did.”

Christian dropped his head, his fingers tugging at the ends of his hair. “I’m doing the best job I can,” he said, strained.

“What else do you expect me to do?”

Knots formed in my belly as I listened to the one-sided conversation, caught bits of the unfounded criticism, the unjustified berating.

“Fine,” Christian mumbled.

“You are?” Surprise loudened the two words, followed by a frustrated sigh.

“Just let me know when.”

His father ended the call before Christian was given a chance to say goodbye.

It made my heart hurt. I reached out and touched him, my fingers light on his shoulder. This was not giving in. This was being there for my friend.

“Hey.”

He didn’t respond, just drew his knees up from under the table and wrapped his arms around them. Christian was always larger than life, but right then, he reminded me of a little boy.

“Please don’t let them do this to you, Christian. You’re amazing, and if they can’t see it, then they’re completely blind.”

The shake of his head was short and buried in his arms. “Fuck,” he groaned in a gravelly breath, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, then cut them over to me with his cheek pressed against his forearm. “I’m going to prove him wrong, Elizabeth. I’m going to be the best damned attorney, and he’ll never be able to say another word to me about it.”

Worry cinched my lips into a thin line. This was the Christian who scared me the most, the one who couldn’t see what his parents were doing to him, the one who, instead of fighting against it and living for what he wanted, ran head first into it. Part of me had to understand the desire to please the ones who cared about us, but I didn’t believe Christian’s parents had his best interest at heart.

“It doesn’t have to be that way, Christian. What about what you want? Is this really it? Killing yourself to be the absolute best in everything you do?”

Lines creased between his eyes, his mouth twisting up in set determination. “I’ll do whatever it takes, Elizabeth. Nothing is going to stand in my way.”

I closed my eyes to block myself from the hardened expression on his face.

He forced a large breath of air from his lungs. “I don’t feel like dealing with this shit tonight. You want to get out of here?”

I looked up to find Christian maneuvering around to stand. It was almost ten, an hour or so earlier than when I usually left his place. Christian would always walk me home, then go and do whatever he did after he left me at my door.

Frowning, I attempted to decipher his intent, because it’d sounded like an invitation. “Where do you want to go?”

“There’s a party at my friend Sam’s. I have to stop by. His birthday was yesterday, and we’re celebrating it tonight.”

Oh, no way, no thank you. I sat up and began gathering my things.

“I’ll just go home so you can head over,” I said with feigned indifference. This was my safe place, the place where it was just Christian and me. I didn’t venture into his other world, the one that lit up his phone every weekend. “I’m pretty tired, anyway.”

Christian inched forward and reached out as if he wanted to touch me, but had no intention of actually doing it. “I’d…would you just come?” The hard lines were gone, sincere blue eyes in their place. “I don’t feel like going over there by myself tonight.”

Dropping my chin, I bit at my lip as he waited for an answer. Truly, I didn’t want to go, didn’t want to stray from the comfort zone we’d erected around us, but I didn’t know how to resist him when he looked at me like that.

I glanced down at my old T-shirt and faded jeans. “I’m not really dressed to go out.”

“We’ll stop by your place on the way so you can change and leave your stuff there.” He grinned. “And it’s not like you could ever look bad, Elizabeth.”

I rolled my eyes at him, hating the little flutter that palpitated my heart whenever he said things like that. We both knew flattery was really unnecessary since it was obvious he had already talked me into it.

“Fine.”

I gathered my stuff, slipped into my jacket, and hefted my backpack onto my shoulders. I followed Christian out and down his hall. He pulled open the stairwell door and extended his arm to hold it open, though he remained in front of me, as if he might need to catch me if I were to trip and fall. The stairwell always seemed much too tight, the walls like a barrier that held in all the energy that radiated between us.

Outside the air was crisp, the night alive. I breathed it in, hoping to quell my racing nerves. I could do this. Christian was my friend, and it wasn’t fair for me to avoid every other aspect of his life that didn’t involve me. I’d made it clear before that I wanted to know him, really know him, and how could I if the only time I spent with him was behind his apartment door?

His hands were shoved in his pockets, his stride strong, but slowed to sync with mine as he walked alongside me. “So…” He breathed out, puffing out his cheeks as he did. “Turns out my parents are coming here for Thanksgiving after all.”

“Really? Is that what your dad called about?” I lifted a brow. Originally, his parents were supposed to be out of the country for the holiday. “You sound thrilled about it.”