Lost to You (Take This Regret 0.5)(18)
Author: A.L. Jackson

He leaned with one shoulder on the wall while some girl with long brown hair nearly climbed his body, inching up to whisper something in his ear. His head tilted back, and I caught a flash of his gorgeous face before he leaned back into her.

This was why he was here.

An ache unlike anything I’d ever felt pierced me all the way to my core.

I wasn’t angry with Christian. He’d never tried to hide this from me. Had never lied and had never promised me anything. And the little he’d asked me for, I’d immediately shot down.

It didn’t mean seeing him here, like this, didn’t hurt like I’d been thrown into the deepest, most excruciating pit in Hell.

I couldn’t be here.

Turning, I fled. I shoved through the heated crowd. They mumbled and stared as I forced them out of my way. I couldn’t bring myself to care about how rude I was being. I tore out the door. I didn’t bother to wait for the elevator. Instead, I grappled with the metal latch and flung the stairwell door open wide. My footsteps pounded on the cement stairs, echoed in my ears as labored breaths panted from my mouth.

With burdened feet, I stumbled outside. Cool air clashed with my flaming skin, and I bent over and tried to catch my breath.

Stupid, stupid girl. I’d been a fool for allowing this to happen.

I pulled out my phone, typed out the easiest excuse I could find, and pressed send.

Then I ran from the one thing in my life I wanted most.

Chapter Six

Christian

I tried to ignore the way I felt when Elizabeth left my side to find the restroom, but it was impossible. I downed the rest of my beer, hoping it’d cover the sudden void inside that told me I was missing something.

“Dude, you wouldn’t believe how f**king funny it was. You should have been there.” Kenny leaned in close to my ear so I could hear him tell the story about a girl he’d seen crash into three different cars in a parking lot when he’d ventured into New Jersey the weekend before. “She had to be the dumbest bitch I’ve ever seen in my life.”

I struggled to pay attention.

But my only focus was this strange sensation, how my hand burned from the first true contact I’d ever had with Elizabeth. I’d taken her hand to give her reassurance because she was all jerky with nervous energy, as if we were getting ready to enter the place where her worst nightmares were bred. It was just to give her a little comfort, a simple gesture to remind her I was there, but then it turned out I was the one who couldn’t let go. I was only holding her hand, for f**k’s sake, and now it was all I could think about. I felt singed from the inside out, or maybe the outside in, I couldn’t really tell. It was all encompassing. I was beginning to think the resolution I’d made months before was a mistake, because I was hard just from holding a girl’s hand. I really needed to get laid.

Truth was, Elizabeth was slowly driving me insane. Physically. Emotionally. Completely. The urge to reach out and touch her again was killing me, to run my fingers across her face and over her lips. To push it further, to push her further, to end this madness that had me spun up, teetering at the cusp, so close to spinning me out of control.

Everything had been great for the last couple of months. Perfect, really. We spent so much time together, I’d almost become accustomed to the physical ache she left burning inside me. I pretended it didn’t build, that each time I opened the door to find Elizabeth’s face smiling up at me in my doorway, I didn’t come one step closer to snapping, to taking her and living out every single one of the fantasies that played through my mind at night. In them, I’d had her everywhere, in my bed, the shower, the floor, time and time again on my couch where she sat and unwittingly teased and taunted me night after night.

Tonight was proof of just how close I was coming to the edge.

“They finally got her out of the car, and this girl was standing there, stumbling all over the place in these slutty heels,” Kenny continued on.

Why was I here again? Listening to this? Usually, I liked to be here, to unwind, to listen to trivial stories that meant nothing.

But with Elizabeth here, it felt like a weakness, a fool’s waste of time.

Glancing back out the entryway, my eyes traveled the crowd. Elizabeth had only been gone a couple seconds, but I couldn’t shake the nagging thoughts telling me I shouldn’t have let her out of my sight. It was stupid to bring her here, but there was no way I could sit in the confines of my apartment after listening to my father’s bullshit. I was sick of it. I thought maybe once I moved out and started my own life, my father would let up and let go. But he was just as overbearing as he’d been since I was a little boy. A tyrant who expected only the best, something he made quite clear I didn’t have a chance of living up to.

Plus, I’d already committed to coming here, but I couldn’t stomach the idea of leaving Elizabeth alone in front of her building tonight. Somehow when she was around, I felt…better. I needed her.

Tom appeared at my side, clapping me on the shoulder. The guy was trashed, which was no surprise. I smirked at him. “What’s up?”

“So you finally let Elizabeth out to play.” He cocked his head to the side in the direction where Elizabeth had disappeared. “Now I get why you’ve been hiding from us the last couple of months…or where you’ve been hiding. That shit is hot.”

A swell of protectiveness broke over me. My fists curled, but I forced the reaction down. “It’s not like that.”

“So you wouldn’t mind if I went for her?”

“Yeah, I’d f**king mind. She’s my best friend. Do you think I’m going to let some ass**le like you touch her?”

Tom laughed, not for a second offended.

“Your best friend, huh? Thought that was my title.” His eyes gleamed as he razzed me, a clear insinuation he’d been hinting at for months, one I’d continually denied.

“Quit being a dick.” I shrugged it off. “We’re just friends.”

As I said it, I lifted up on my toes, straining to see over the heads littering the room. Anxiety knocked at my ribs. Where the hell was she? If one of these losers even thought about messing with her, I was going to lose it. I rushed an uneasy hand through my hair, hoping for calm. Stupid. Reckless to bring her here.

I looked back at Tom who was staring at me with straight-out disbelief. Then he cracked up, loud and raucous. “You, my friend, are completely f**ked. You might as well give it up because I don’t believe a word you’re saying. Pretty sure you don’t, either.”