Lost to You (Take This Regret 0.5)(3)
Author: A.L. Jackson

“Oh God…that’s amazing.” She was grinning, maybe happy for me, maybe happy to find out we had more in common than we’d initially thought.

“What are you going into?” I asked.

She was still smiling, her body vibrating in her seat. “I’m not sure yet. Some sort of family law…I want to work for the state or a non-profit.” Passion poured from her mouth, her heavy exhale thick with emotion. She hugged herself, as if she were imagining herself there, what her future would be like. “Something where I can help kids.” Her face glowed. “An advocate of some kind. I don’t know.”

She shrugged, but clearly not because she didn’t care. It didn’t have to be perfect. It just had to be right.

I was floored. I’d never met anyone like her. I knew what those jobs paid. Obviously Elizabeth did too. She was after the worst position any attorney could ever have, what my father called scrounge work. For years he pounded it into my psyche that it would be required before I made it to the top. He wouldn’t even consider allowing me into his firm until I’d spent at least two years scrubbing. I expected it to be the two worst years of my life.

And it appeared to be Elizabeth’s ultimate goal.

For my dad, it wasn’t about giving back. It was about paying dues. He wanted to see me scrape the bottom of the barrel so I’d understand what he was giving me when he ultimately handed me a job on a silver platter.

“What?” she asked when she noticed my expression, confusion dimming the light that had glimmered from her face.

I stared at her for too long, my mouth dry and my palms wet. How badly I wanted to climb inside her, to really understand her, to know what it’d feel like not to be driven by money and greed.

But the last thing I wanted was her to see inside of me.

I shook my head. “Nothing. That’s just…really cool, Elizabeth.”

“Thanks, Christian.” A humble smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. She flipped the textbook shut and shoved the syllabus into a folder. “I need to get going. Are we good to meet here on Monday, then? Same time?” she asked.

Monday was five days from now. Something inside me protested. I didn’t want to wait that long to see her again.

“What are you doing Friday night?”

“Me? Studying.” She emitted a low laugh and shook her head as if anticipating what I would say next.

“How about you go out to dinner with me instead?” I asked her anyway. I smiled that smile again.

“That’s not going to happen.” Red colored her cheeks, but she seemed to be fighting a smile. She gathered a few loose papers and tapped the bottom edge of the pile on the table to straighten them.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not the kind of girl you’re looking for.”

“And how do you know what kind of girl I’m looking for?”

She sat back in her chair, leveling her gaze on me. I fidgeted under it. All traces of that shyness were gone, set in its place a steely determination as she lifted her chin high. “Okay then, Christian, answer me something.”

I tilted my head, figuring I was going to regret agreeing to this. “All right.”

A smile danced in her brown eyes. “How long have you been in New York?”

I let out the breath I was holding. Okay, that was easy. Relieved, I inched a little closer. “My parents had me moved up here at the beginning of the summer. They said they wanted me to have a chance to get used to my surroundings. I figure they just wanted me out of their hair.”

She nodded subtly, her brow cinched together as if she’d been struck with some unknown suspicion. “Are you happy here?” whispered from her mouth as if it were my darkest secret.

I blinked, caught off guard by the sudden intensity of her voice, and answered honestly because I found I didn’t know how to lie to the girl sitting across from me. “Anywhere is better than spending another minute in my parents’ house.”

For a second, her expression softened, and she just nodded as she held my gaze. I was pretty sure I’d never felt more exposed than I did in that single moment.

She cleared her throat and looked away, breaking the connection. When she looked back up, everything had shifted, the same challenge glinting in her eyes. “And how many girls have you slept with since you got here?”

Oh shit. Of course she had to ask the one question I didn’t want to answer, voicing the judgment she’d already cast.

“Uh…um…” I stumbled, then bit down on my bottom lip, shaking my head as I released a self-conscious laugh.

She crossed her arms over her chest, the smile at the edge of her mouth lifting. “What? You can’t count that high, or you don’t want to tell me?”

Her tone was light, an easy mirth at my expense. But I could see it, set there in the perfect lines of her face that I wanted nothing more than to trace with the tips of my fingers. She really cared about my answer. She’d baited me, strung me up, left me with nowhere to hide.

Red-faced, I scratched the back of my neck, knowing no matter what answer I gave, it’d be the wrong one. If I lied, she’d know, and I knew there was no way she’d be okay with the truth.

“Come on, Elizabeth…I just asked if you wanted to go to dinner with me.”

“So, you’re saying you don’t want to sleep with me?”

Frustration tumbled from my mouth in a strained groan. Still, I couldn’t lie to her. Like it wasn’t obvious how badly I wanted to take her back to my place and coax that blush from every inch of her body. “That’s not what I said.”

She leaned down to her backpack that was sitting on the floor and slid her things into it, her face lifted to look up at me as she did. “Well, then, Christian, I think it’s safe to say I’m not the kind of girl you’re looking for.”

The sharp peal of her zipper announced her departure.

I really couldn’t remember ever being turned down before. I’m sure I had, but it’d made little impact on me, something forgotten as I’d immediately moved on to the next and better thing. This slammed me. I could do nothing but stare at Elizabeth as she stood and slung her backpack over her shoulders. It wasn’t a sensation I was familiar with, the bite of rejection, but now it had me pinned to my chair.

Why the hell did this bother me so much?

She reached up and pulled out her hair trapped by her backpack, gripping the bulk of it in a fist that she ran down the length. It spread out in a soft wave over one shoulder as she released it.