Lover at Last (Black Dagger Brotherhood #11)(12)
Author: J.R. Ward

Qhuinn put his hands on his hips and looked up to the sky, his head tilting back, his breath escaping upward in a cloud of condensation.

"Come back and get in the flatbed." Blay took another drag and released the smoke. "We need to keep moving – "

"I know how much Saxton means to you," Qhuinn said gruffly. "I get that. I really do."

Blay forced himself to say, "Good."

"I guess…hearing it out loud is still a shock."

Blay frowned in the dim light. "I don’t understand."

"I know you don’t. And that’s my fault. All of this…is my fault." Qhuinn glanced over his shoulder, his strong, hard face set grimly. "I just don’t want you to think I’m in love with her. That’s all."

Blay went to take a hit off his Dunhill, but didn’t have enough draw in his lungs. "I’m…sorry – I don’t get…why…"

Well, that was an awesome reply.

"I’m not in love with her. She’s not in love with me. We are not sleeping together."

Blay laughed harshly. "Bullshit."

"Dead serious. I serviced her in her needing because I want a young, and so does she, and it began and ended there."

Blay closed his eyes as the wound in his chest got ripped open all over again. "Qhuinn, come on. You’ve been with her this whole last year. I’ve seen you – everyone’s seen you two – "

"I took her virginity four nights ago. No one had been with her before that, including myself."

Oh, there was a picture he needed in his head.

"I am not in love with her. She is not in love with me. We are not sleeping together."

Blay couldn’t hold still any longer, so he paced around, the snow packing under his boots. And then from out of nowhere, the voice of the Church Lady from SNL came into his head: Well, isn’t that speeeeeeeeeecial.

"I’m not with anybody," Qhuinn said.

Blay laughed again with an edge. "As in a relationship? Of course not. But do not expect me to believe that you’re spending your off time crocheting doilies and alphabetizing a spice rack with that female."

"I haven’t had sex in almost a year."

That stopped him cold.

God, where the f**k was all the air in this part of the universe?

"Bullshit," Blay countered in a cracked voice. "You were with Layla – four nights ago. As you said."

In the silence that followed, the horrible truth raised its ugly-ass head again, the pain making it impossible for him to hide what he had so diligently been burying for the last few days.

"You were really with her," he said. "I watched the library chandelier going back and forth under your room."

Now Qhuinn was the one closing his eyes like he wanted to forget. "It was for a purpose."

"Listen…" Blay shook his head. "I’m really not clear on why you’re telling me all this. I meant what I said – I don’t need any explanation about what you do with your life. You and I…we grew up together, and that’s it. Yeah, we shared a lot of stuff back then, and we were there for each other when it mattered. But neither one of us can fit into the clothes we used to wear, and this relationship between us is just the same. It doesn’t fit in our lives any longer. We don’t…fit anymore. And listen, I didn’t mean to get pissy in the truck, but I think you need to be clear on this. You and I? We have a past. That’s it. That’s…all we’ll ever have."

Qhuinn looked away, his face once again in the shadows.

Blay forced himself to keep talking. "I know this…Layla thing…is a big deal to you. Or I’m guessing it is – how could it not be, if she’s pregnant. For me? I honestly wish you both well. But you don’t owe me any explanations – and what’s more, I don’t require them. I’ve moved on from childish crushes – and that’s what I had for you. Back then, it was just an infatuation, Qhuinn. So please take care of your female, and don’t worry that I’m slitting my wrists because you’ve found someone to love. As I have."

"I told you. I’m not in love with her."

Wait for it, Blay thought to himself. Because it’s coming.

This was classic Qhuinn, right here.

The male was incredible in the field. And loyal to the point of psychosis. And smart. And sexual to distraction. And a hundred thousand other things that Blay had to admit nobody else came close to. But he had one serious defect, and it wasn’t his eye color.

He couldn’t handle emotion.

At all.

Qhuinn had always run from anything deep – even if he didn’t move. He could sit right in front of you and nod and talk, but when the emotions got strong for him, he would leave the inside of his skin. Just check right out. And if you tried to force him to confront them?

Well, that wasn’t possible. No one forced Qhuinn to do anything.

And yeah, sure, there were a lot of good reasons for the way he was. His family treating him like a curse. The glymera looking down on him. Him having been rootless all his life. But whatever the stressors, at the end of the day, the male was going to run from anything that was too complicated, or required something from him.

Probably the only thing that could change that was a young.

So no matter what he said now, there was no doubt he was in love with Layla, but having been through the needing with her, and now waiting for the results, he was losing his mind from worry and pulling away from her.

And therefore standing here at the side of the road, blabbering about things that made no damned sense.

"I wish you both the very best," Blay said, his heart hammering in his chest. "I honestly do. I really hope this works out well for both of you."

In the tense quiet, Blay pulled himself out of the hole he’d once again fallen into, clawing his way back to the surface, away from the painful, burning agony at the center of his soul.

"Now, can we get in the truck and finish our job?" he said evenly.

Qhuinn’s hands lifted briefly to his face. Then he ducked his head, shoved those bleeding knuckles into the pockets of his leathers, and started back for the flatbed.

"Yeah. Let’s do that."

Chapter Six

"Oh, my God, I’m going to come – I’m going to come – "

Farther south, in downtown Caldwell, in the parking lot behind the Iron Mask, Trez Latimer was happy to hear the newsflash – and not surprised. But nobody else in the tricounty area needed the update.

As he worked himself in and out of the very willing participant underneath his body, he shut her up by kissing her hard, his tongue entering that hot mouth, all that unnecessary commentary getting cut off.

The car they were in was cramped and smelled like the woman’s perfume: sweet and spicy and cheap – shit, next time he was going to pick a volunteer with an SUV or, better yet, a Mercedes S550 with some proper space in the back.