Lover at Last (Black Dagger Brotherhood #11)(133)
Author: J.R. Ward

"Yeah. Just cold."

Qhuinn opened his lids against the darkness. The only thing he could see was the line of light that came under the door at floor level.

As Blay drifted off, that breathing becoming ever more slower and even, Qhuinn stared ahead, even though he couldn’t see anything in front of him.

Courage.

He thought he’d had all he needed – that the way he’d grown up had made him tougher and stronger than anyone else. That the way he did his job, running into burning buildings or jumping into the captain’s seats of busted-up aircraft, proved it. That how he lived his life, essentially apart, meant he was strong. Meant he was safe.

The true measure of courage was still waiting for him, however.

After way too many years, he’d finally told Blay he was sorry. And then after way too much drama, he’d finally told the guy he was grateful.

But coming forward and being real about the fact that he was in love? Even if Blay was with someone else?

That was the true divide.

And goddamn him, he was going to do it.

Not to break the pair of them up – no, that wasn’t it. And not to burden Blay.

In this case, payback, as it turned out, was actually a pledge. Something that was made with no expectations and no reservations. It was the jump without a parachute, the leap without knowing, the trip and the fall without anything to catch you.

Blay had done that not once, but several times – and yeah, sure, Qhuinn wanted to go back to any of those moments of vunerability and beat his earlier incarnations so badly that his head cleared, and he recognized the opportunity he’d been given.

Unfortunately, shit didn’t run that way.

It was time for him to repay the strength…and in all likelihood, bear the pain that was going to come when he was turned down in a far more kindly manner than he’d provided for.

Forcing his lids down, he brought Blay’s knuckles to his mouth, brushing a kiss against them. Then he gave himself up to sleep, letting himself fall into unconsciousness, knowing that, at least for the next few hours, he was safe in the arms of his one and only.

Chapter Sixty-eight

The following evening, as night fell, Assail sat naked at his desk, his eyes tracing the computer screen in front of him. The monitor’s imaging was split into four quadrants that were marked north, south, east, and west, and from time to time, he manipulated the cameras, changing their focus and direction. Or mayhap he moved to other lenses around the house. Or went back to the ones he had been watching.

Having taken a shower and shaved hours ago, he knew he had to get dressed and go out. That lesser with the hearty appetite for product was up in arms, claiming he’d been cheated of a supply of cocaine. Except the twins had completed that particular transaction according to the slayer’s wishes  – and they had it videotaped.

Just a little precaution Assail had initiated.

So he didn’t know what it was all about, but he was certainly going to find out: He had sent the recording to the lesser’s phone about an hour ago, and was awaiting a response.

Mayhap it was going to involve another face-to-face meeting.

And his disgruntled buyer was not the only thing hanging over him. It was getting to be that time of month when Benloise and he needed to do their own squaring up – a complicated transfer of funds that made everyone edgy, including Assail: Even though he did regular weekly payments, they totaled but a quarter of his actual purchases, and on the thirtieth, he was going to have settle the balance sheet up.

Lot of cash. And people could make very poor decisions when there was that much money in play.

There was also the issue that, for the first time, he was going to want the twins to accompany him. He didn’t imagine Benloise was going to appreciate the added company, but it was appropriate for his two associates to be brought further into the fold – and this payment was going to be the largest he’d ever made.

A record sure to be broken if he and that lesser continued to do business together.

Assail shifted the mouse. Clicked on one of the quadrants. Panned the security camera around, searching the backwoods behind his house.

Nothing moved. No shadows darted. Not even the limbs of the pines shifted in any kind of wind.

No tracks of skis. No hidden figure peering out.

She could be watching him from another vantage point, he thought. Across the river. Across the road. Down the lane.

With distraction, he reached out for the vial of powder he kept beside the keyboard. He had used toward the late afternoon, when the waning light of day had necessitated switching to night vision for the cameras. He had also used a couple of times since then, just to keep himself awake.

He had not slept for two days at this point.

Or was it three?

As he moved the tiny silver spoon around, drawing it in a circle at the base of the vial, all he got was the clinking of metal on glass.

He looked inside.

Evidently he had finished the lot of it.

Irritated by simply everything in his existence, Assail threw the vial aside and leaned back in his chair. As his mind spun and the compulsion to go from image to image to image tightened like a noose around his freedom of choice, he was dimly aware his brain was buzzing in an unhealthy manner.

He was locked in, however. Going nowhere rather quickly.

Where was his beautiful burglar?

Surely she could not have meant what she said.

Assail rubbed his eyes, and hated the way his mind was racing, thoughts rocketing back and forth from one side of his skull to the other.

He simply could not believe she meant to stay away.

As his phone went off, he reached for it with reflexes that were too quick, too pent-up. And when he saw who it was, he ordered his brain to pull itself together.

"Did you get the video?" he demanded, in lieu of "hello."

His biggest client’s voice was not pleased. "How do I know when it was taken?"

"You must be aware of what your men were wearing at the time."

"Then where is my product?"

"That is not for me to say. Once I make the deal with your representatives, my responsibility is discharged. I delivered the requested goods at the time and place of mutual agreement, and thus fulfilled my duty to you. What happens thereafter is not my concern."

"If I ever catch you f**king with me, I’m going to kill you."

Assail let out a bored breath. "My dear man, I wouldn’t waste my time with the likes of that. How would you then get what you require? And to that end, may I remind you that there is no incentive for me to be dishonest with you or your organization. The profit you represent is what matters to me, and I shall do my level best to keep the funds flowing my way. It’s business."