Lover at Last (Black Dagger Brotherhood #11)(157)
Author: J.R. Ward

That male who seemed always with her, especially when she was by herself.

Even as she sat alone in this car out in the middle of nowhere, his presence was tangible, her memories of him so strong, she could swear he was within reach. And the yearning…dearest Virgin Scribe, the yearning she felt was nothing she could share with any of those whom she loved.

It was such a cruel fate to have a reaction like this to one who was –

Layla jerked back in the seat, a shout breaching her lips and resonating through the interior of the car.

At first, she was unsure whether what had materialized in the beams was in fact real: Xcor appeared to be standing with his boots planted on the road ahead, his huge, leather-clad body seeming to absorb the twin beams of light as a black hole would.

"No," she barked. "No!"

She wasn’t sure who she was talking to, or what she was denying. But one thing was clear – as he took a step forward, and then another, she knew that the soldier was not a figment of her mind or her terrible desires, but very much real.

Put the car in gear, she told herself. Put it in gear, and hit the gas pedal hard.

Flesh and blood, even as terrifyingly fierce as his, was no match for an impact like that.

"No," she hissed, as he came ever closer.

His face was exactly as she had remembered: perfectly symmetrical, with high cheekbones, narrowed eyes, and a permanent frown between his straight brows. His upper lip was twisted up, such that he appeared to be snarling, and his body…his body moved like a great animal’s, his shoulders shifting with barely restrained power, his heavy thighs carrying him forward with the promise of brutal strength.

And yet…she was not afraid.

"No," she moaned.

He stopped when he was but a foot from the car’s grille, his leather coat blowing out to the side of him, his weapons gleaming. His arms were down at his sides, but they did not stay that way. He reached up, moving slowly….

To remove something from his back.

A weapon of some kind. Which he laid upon the vehicle.

And then his hands, those black leather-clad hands, went to the front of his chest…and he took two guns out from under that coat. And daggers from the holster that crossed his pectorals. And a length of chain. And something that flashed but which she didn’t recognize.

He put it all on the hood of the car.

Then he stepped back. Held his arms aloft. And turned in a slow circle.

Layla breathed hard.

She was not of a warring nature. Never had been. But she knew instinctively that within the code of the warrior, to disarm yourself before another was a kind of vulnerability not easily taken. He remained deadly, of course – a male of his build and training was capable of killing simply with bare hands.

He was offering himself to her, however.

Proving in the most visible way possible that he meant her no harm.

Layla’s hand went to the row of buttons on the side panel beside her and froze there. She was not still, however – she breathed heavily, as if she were in flight, her heart pounding, sweat dotting her upper lip….

She unlocked the doors.

The Scribe Virgin help her…but she unlocked the doors.

As the punching sound reverberated around the interior, Xcor’s eyes closed briefly, his expression loosening, as if he had been given a gift he had not expected. Then he came around….

When he opened the far side, cold air rushed in, and then his big body folded itself into the seat beside her own. The door shut solidly, and they turned to each other.

With the interior lights glowing, she was able to get an even better look at him. He was breathing heavily, too, his broad chest pumping up and down, his mouth slightly open. He looked harsh, the thin veil of civility stripped from his features – or more aptly, it had likely never been there. And yet though others would have called him ugly because of his deformity, to her…he was beautiful.

And that was a sin.

"You are real," she said to herself.

"Aye." His voice was deep and resonant, a caress in her ears. But then it cracked, as if he were in pain. "And you are with young."

"I am."

He closed his eyes again, but now it was as if he’d been struck by a body blow. "I saw you."

"When?"

"At the clinic. Nights and nights ago. I thought they had beaten you."

"The Brotherhood? Why ever – "

"Because of me." His eyes opened, and there was such anguish in them, she wanted to comfort him in some way. "I would never have chosen for you to be in this position. You are not of the war, and my lieutenant should never, ever have brought you into it." His voice grew deeper and deeper. "You are an innocent. Even I, who have no honor, recognized that instantly."

If he had no honor, why had he disarmed himself just now, she thought.

"Are you mated?" he said roughly.

"No."

Abruptly, his upper lip peeled back from tremendous fangs. "If you were raped – "

"No. No, no – I chose this for myself. For the male." Her hand went to her abdomen. "I wanted a young. My needing came, and all I could think of was how much I wanted to be a mahmen to something that was mine."

Those narrowed eyes closed again, and he brought up a callused hand to his face. Hiding his irregular mouth, he said, "I wish that I…"

"What?"

"…I were worthy to have given you what you desired."

Layla again felt an unholy need to reach out and touch him, to ease him in some way. His reaction was so raw and honest, and his suffering seemed rather like her own whenever she thought of him.

"Tell me that they are treating you well in spite of your having aided me?"

"Yes," she whispered. "Very well indeed."

He dropped his hand and let his head fall back as if in relief. "That is good. That is…good. And you must forgive me for coming here. I sensed you, and found I was unable to deny myself."

As if he were attracted to her. As if he…wanted her.

Oh, dearest Virgin Scribe, she thought, as her body warmed from the inside out.

His eyes appeared to latch onto the tree out in the field beyond. "Do you think of that night?" he said in a soft voice.

Layla looked down at her hands. "Yes."

"And it pains you, does it not."

"Yes."

"Myself as well. You are e’er on my mind, but for a different reason, I venture to guess."

Layla took a deep breath as her heart pounded anew in her ears. "I’m not certain…it is so different from your own."

She heard his head snap around.

"What did you say?" he breathed.