Lover at Last (Black Dagger Brotherhood #11)(84)
Author: J.R. Ward

Trez stopped, but kept his eyes on the exit.

"You just can’t," his brother stated baldly.

Trez pivoted around. iAm was over by the bar, the flap door swinging next to him so that there was a strobe-light effect of bright, dark, bright, dark. Every time the illumination made an appearance, it looked like his brother had a halo around his whole body.

Trez cursed. "I just need them to leave me alone."

"I know." iAm rubbed his head. "And I honestly don’t know what the f**k to do about it. I can’t imagine living without you, and I don’t want to go back there, either. I’m not coming up with any other options, though."

"Those women…you know, the ones I…" Trez hesitated. "Don’t you think they’d get me off?"

"If they aren’t," iAm said dryly, "I can’t see why you’re bothering with them."

Trez had to smile a little. "No, I mean with the s’Hisbe. I’m as far from a virgin as you can get at this point." Although at least he hadn’t sunk to farm animal level. "And what’s worse? They’ve all been UKs – mostly humans, too. That has to nasty them out. We’re talking about the queen’s daughter."

As iAm frowned like he hadn’t fully considered the idea, Trez felt a ray of hope.

"I don’t know," came the response. "Maybe that would work – but you’ve still cheated Her Majesty out of what she wants and needs. If they consider you compromised, they might just decide to kill you as a punishment."

Whatever. They’d have to bring him down first.

On a wave of aggression, Trez dipped his chin and glared out from beneath his brows. "If that’s the case, they’ll have to fight me. And I guarantee that won’t go well for them."

Back at the Brotherhood mansion, Wrath knew that his queen was upset the moment she came through the doors of his study. Her luscious scent was tinged with a sharp, acidic overhang: anxiety.

"What is it, leelan?" he demanded, holding out his arms.

Even though he couldn’t see, his memories provided him with a mental picture of her crossing the Aubusson rug, her long, athletic body moving with grace, her dark hair loose over her shoulders, her beautiful face marked with tension.

Naturally, the bonded male in him wanted to hunt down and kill whatever had upset her.

"Hi, George," she said to his dog. Going by the thump-thump-thump on the floor, the retriever got some love first.

And then it was the master’s turn.

Beth climbed right up onto Wrath’s lap, her weight next to nothing, her body warm and alive as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her on either side of the neck and then on the mouth.

"Jesus," he growled, feeling the stiffness in her body, "you really are upset. What the f**k is going on?"

Goddamn it, she was shivering. His queen was actually trembling.

"Talk to me, leelan," he said as he rubbed her back. And prepared to get armed and head out into broad f**king daylight if he had to.

"Well, you know about Layla," she said in a rough voice.

Ahhhhh. "Yeah, I do. Phury told me."

As her head shifted onto his shoulder, he repositioned her, holding her cradled against his chest  – and it was good. There were times – not often, but every once in a while – when he felt like less of a male because of his lack of sight: Once a fighter, he was now stuck behind this desk. Once free to roam wherever he wanted, he now relied on a canine for navigation. Once utterly self-sufficient, he now needed help.

Not exactly good for a male’s ball sac.

But in a moment like this, when this amazing female was off-kilter and seeking him and only him for comfort and reassurance, he felt strong as a motherfucking mountain. After all, bonded males protected their mates with everything they had, and even with the burden of his birthright and this throne he was obligated to sit on, he remained at his core a hellren to this female.

She was his first priority, even above the king shit. His Beth was the heart behind his ribs, the marrow in his bones, the soul in his physical body.

"It’s just so sad," she said. "So damned sad."

"You’ve been to see her?"

"Just now. She’s resting. I mean…on some level, I can’t believe there’s nothing that can be done."

"You talk to Doc Jane?"

"As soon as they all got back from the clinic."

As his shellan cried a little, the fresh-rain scent of his beloved’s tears was like a knife in the chest – and he was not surprised at her reaction. He’d heard that females dealt with the loss of another’s pregnancy badly – then again, how could they not relate? He sure as shit could put himself in Qhuinn’s boots.

And oh, God…the idea of Beth suffering like that? Or worse, if she were to carry to term and –

Great. Now he had a case of the quakes.

Wrath put his face in his Beth’s hair, breathing in, calming himself. The good news was that they were never going to have young, so he wouldn’t have to worry about that.

"I’m sorry," he whispered.

"Me, too. I hate this for both of them."

Well, actually, he was apologizing for something else entirely.

It wasn’t that he wanted anything shitty to happen to Qhuinn or Layla or their young. But maybe if Beth saw this sad reality, she’d be reminded of all the risks that presented themselves every step of the way when it came to pregnancy.

Fuck. That sounded horrible. That was horrible. For chrissakes, he honestly didn’t want this for Qhuinn, and he really didn’t want his shellan upset, either. Unfortunately, however, the sad truth was that he had absolutely no interest in placing his seed within her like that – ever.

And that kind of desperation made a guy think unforgivable things.

In a surge of paranoia, he mentally calculated the number of years since her transition – just over two. From what he understood, the average vampire female had her first needing about five years after the change, and then every ten years or so thereafter. So by all accounts, they had some time before they had to worry about all this….

Then again, as a half-breed, there was no way to be sure in Beth’s case. When humans and vampires mixed, anything could happen – and he did have some reason to be conerned. She had, after all, mentioned kids once or twice before.

But surely that had to be in the hypothetical.

"So are you going to hold off on Qhuinn’s induction?" she said.

"Yeah. Saxton is done updating the laws, but with Layla being where she’s at? Not the right time to bring him into the Brotherhood."

"That’s what I thought."

The two of them fell silent, and as Wrath took the moment to heart, he couldn’t possibly imagine his life without her.