Love’s Suicide(101)
Author: Jennifer Foor

I felt Brooks slipping his hand inside of mine. We didn’t look at each other though, because of the shock of what Danica was saying to us. “Please don’t tell me that you were having an affair with my father. He wouldn’t. He loved my mom. I know he did.”

I was beginning to freak out.

“I saw you kiss him and you told me that I was mistaken. I believed you. That’s what I saw wasn’t it?” Brooks was getting agitated and he was taking it out on my poor hand. When he noticed what he was doing, he loosened his grip, but didn’t let go. “You lied right to my face.”

“You both need to understand that we’d all been friends for so long. It just happened and we couldn’t stop it. I tried to stop, I swear I did.”

I was crying, but it was more in anger, because I felt so betrayed. “So she caught you? Is that what happened?”

“Yes,” she sobbed. “We’d been having a heated argument and I followed your dad into his bedroom. We could hear you three in the tree house and thought we were alone. He rejected me, Katy. You’re father told me he couldn’t do it. He said he wouldn’t ever leave your mother.”

“Then how did she catch you? She caught you talking about it?”

I looked over at Danica, but she was too busy crying to answer.

“Mom, answer us. What did you do?”

She shook her head. “I was so hurt. I’d ended my marriage for him and he wouldn’t leave her. So, out of desperateness, I threw myself at him, begging for one last night together.” She was quiet for a second. “And he didn’t resist.”

I pictured my mother, always so kind and loving, walking in on her one true love and her best friend. The bile rose to my mouth imagining it in my mind. I pulled away from Brooks and started to walk to the bathroom, on account of not being able to run.

“How could you do something like that? She trusted you. Dad trusted you.”

“Brooks, don’t walk away. You need to hear everything.”

B came into the bathroom with a doll in her hand. “Mama, boosh hair.”

While sitting on the floor, feeling nauseous, I brushed her baby doll’s hair. When I was finished she touched my cheek where a tear was in the process of falling. “No cry.” Then she ran out of the room.

Brooks was standing at the door, still in his military dress attire. He’d removed his hat, or whatever those barrette looking things were, and stared at me. “I can’t listen to her.”

“I know what you mean, but I need to know the whole story. This doesn’t just involve you or my dad. It involves all of us, even Branch.”

“I just had to bury Bobby, and now she’s making things worse. I can’t do it, Brooks. Find out what she has to say and then make her go. Buy her a ticket and send her home.”

He crossed his arms. “Kat, this time I’m asking. I need you.”

Brooks never needed me and hearing him ask made everything that I was going through seem irrelevant. I started to stand and he helped me, lifting me the rest of the way. For a moment he looked into my eyes and wiped away my tears. “No matter what she has to say, however it affects us, it won’t change anything for me. If you want space, I’ll give it to you. If we can’t move forward, I’ll accept it.”

I couldn’t give him an answer, because it would have required me to speak and I was too emotional to do it without breaking down.

We held hands as we walked back into the room and sat down across from the woman that was doing a great job tearing our family completely apart.

“Why was my mother in that building, Danica? I need to know.”

“After she walked in on us we didn’t exactly have the words to explain. She put on a pretty face and told me to leave, without saying anything else. I think that hurt me more than anything; the fact that she refused to look at me. I felt so ashamed and regretted everything immediately. I don’t know what they talked about, or how she managed to get through the night without anyone knowing. I went home and made dinner, just waiting for her to confront me. I even called you boys in early that night, in fear of having to leave and spend the night away from the house. Your father was a mess. I’d broken his heart and he wasn’t willing to accept that we were through. The thing is, I never stopped loving him. I just got so caught up in the affair.”

I felt like cringing as she spoke, but instead I squeezed Brooks hand as his mother broke his heart.

“The next morning he left for work and finally was able to call. He said that you were all going to be moving and the house was going to be up for sale within the week. He told me that I was a mistake and that he’d spend the rest of his life making his mistake up to your mother.”

She put her head down and cried harder. “That’s the last time I heard from your father, but not the last time I heard from your mother.”

Danica looked right at me. “Katy, that morning she drove you all to school, and none of you probably caught on that anything was wrong. She was going to meet your father so that they could talk.”

“How do you know that? Because I know she wouldn’t have called to tell you that.”

“The school called me first, letting me know that I had to come get the boys. They asked if you’d be coming home with me, too. As angry as she was at me, I knew you were her first priority, so I called her. When she answered I could tell that it was bad. She didn’t get on the line and start cussing me out, or accusing me of ruining your family. She was calm, almost like she knew what was happening and that they weren’t going to make it. I’ll never forget the words she said to me.” She paused and looked right at me. “Take care of Katy, Dani. Keep her safe and love her forever. Make sure Brooks never takes her for granted.”

I was crying so hard that Brooks was literally holding my body still. I could hear Danica’s sobs, but I refused to open my eyes. It hurt too much to think about. I felt his arms wrapping around my back and him kissing the top of my head. “Shh.”

I couldn’t control my emotions as the pain ripped through me over and over again. I was playing it all out in my head. It was as if I could see her driving to see my father, hoping that they could somehow work through it to keep our family together. I could see her overlooking that betrayal to give one final wish for her only child. After Danica had deceived her and tried to tear them apart, she still wanted her to care for me, because she knew I’d be loved. How could someone, who knew they were dying, swallow their pride and be that brave? My mother wasn’t just beautiful, she was my hero, and she died with the man that was willing to do anything to keep us all together. I wanted to be mad, but it was so poetic at the same time. If I ever had to choose a way to die, in that desperate of situations, I’d want to be with Brooks, because knowing he was at my side would make it all somehow easier.