Love’s Suicide(14)
Author: Jennifer Foor

I traced my steering wheel, feeling warm tears running down my face. When I sniffled, he must have known I was emotional. “Please don’t cry.”

“I can’t help it. I think Branch is keeping us from each other and I don’t understand. We’re family, and he knows how important you’ve always been to me. You’re thousands of miles away. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t want us talking.”

“Kat, Branch found the letter. He went into my room after you fell asleep and read it. He called me that morning, before you woke up.”

“What?” I was in shock. Branch had known the whole time and never said a word to me.

“Yeah. Do you really think that I would talk to everyone else on the phone and not you? If I had to pick anyone to call, you’d be my first choice.”

I started worrying about what Branch had said to his brother. After all, he’d written about sneaking into my room, so Branch knew I’d been with his brother. “He knows about what we did.”

“Yup. He knows.”

“What did he say to you? Did he threaten you? Do your parents know?”

Brooks got quiet for a second, and I heard him saying something to a man before telling me to hang on. The background noise changed, and I realized he’d walked somewhere else for privacy. “Kat, he doesn’t blame you. You didn’t even know which, I’m just going to put it out there, it’s sort of weird. I know I’m a way better lover than my brother, but that’s beside the point.”

A tiny giggle escaped me when I realized he was trying to be funny in the midst of chaos.

“Anyway, we had words and he made threats. It’s why I wasn’t going to come to the wedding.”

“You have to come, Brooks. I want you there.”

“Yeah, I heard. When he called to tell me the date had been moved up, I was shocked I was invited again. He’s pretty much said that if I come within ten feet of you and he isn’t around he’s going to kill me with his bare hands. Honestly, I’d like to see that f**ker try it. After all this time, I’m pretty sure I’d rip him apart.”

“Okay, I don’t need to know all that. Forgive me for saying that, but I find it hard to believe that he’s never confronted me about us being together.”

“Kat, you’re innocent in all of this. Don’t you get it? He doesn’t even know you saw the letter. He thinks I left it under my pillow and you never found it. At least, that’s what I convinced him happened. As far as you know, we’ve never done anything. It’s all on me.”

“Why would you do that?”

“I think you know why.” My stomach dropped when he said it. I hadn’t called him to hear him saying things like that. I called him because I’d missed my friend.

“Brooks, I want you at the wedding, and Branch isn’t going to touch you. I appreciate that you kept me out of it, but it doesn’t change anything either way. I’m marrying Branch because I love him and we have a life together. I hope you understand that.”

It hurt me to say it. I knew he cared about me deeply, but I feared for a huge confrontation between him and Branch. To keep the peace, I had to hide any feelings that I had for him deep inside.

“I get it, Kat. I’ll be there for you on your special day and I won’t cause problems. I’d never do anything to hurt you.”

Didn’t he know that his leaving tore me apart? “Thank you.”

“Listen, I need to go.”

“Wait.” I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. “Can I call you again?”

“You can, but you may want to use someone else’s phone. Branch may act all innocent, but I guarantee he checks your phone bill for my number. You’ve got a month to come up with a good excuse as to what we talked about and why you called me today.”

“I’ll handle it.”

“Bye, Kat.”

“Bye, Brooks.”

I didn’t go to work. Instead I went home and crawled into my bed, where I cried for the whole day. Branch may not have been running around cheating on me, but he was certainly hiding things. I didn’t want to start our marriage like that, but knew at some point it would have to be addressed.

Chapter 7

October-November 2010

The wedding was just two months away, and believe it or not, I had everything in order. Finals were scheduled for November for three of my classes, so I’d have time to run around once school was over.

Branch was busier with school than I was. He’d doubled up on classes and decided he was going to stay in school for another year and work his ass off for a higher degree. He assured me that it would benefit our future.

I don’t want to say that a wedge had formed between us, because I was extremely excited to become his wife, but the lingering secrets he was keeping from me still didn’t sit well. I wanted a marriage where we could tell each other everything. It was understood that Brooks would always be someone special to me, but I couldn’t just cut him out of my life.

With that being said, I called Brooks at least once a week, using a phone at my workplace. I understood that I was sneaking around, but I wasn’t doing anything bad. We weren’t talking about being together; in fact it never even came up. We talked about work, school and things that Brooks had gotten into since joining the military. Finally, after so long, I felt like my life wasn’t missing anything. I knew he wasn’t back, but talking to him filled the void of him leaving.

One thing I did notice was that the happier I was, the more strange Branch was acting. He started bringing me flowers every Friday. I wasn’t complaining. The thought meant a lot. Maybe it was just my guilty conscience, but I felt like he knew I was talking to Brooks. By November he was showering me with gifts and doing everything to help with the wedding. I appreciated it, but remained skeptical, like he had ulterior motives.

By Thanksgiving, the wedding jitters were back in full force. They got so overwhelming that I took on extra shifts to keep myself busy. I stopped calling Brooks, in fear of telling him that I was nervous and him taking it the wrong way. We hadn’t spoken about feelings, but it was no secret that he still loved me.

The last thing I needed was him telling me that I was choosing the wrong brother.

AGAIN.

When he hadn’t heard from me in three weeks, he called my cell phone.

I’d erased his number, but knew when it said Texas, that it was him.

“Brooks, now isn’t a good time.”