Love’s Suicide(47)
Author: Jennifer Foor

It was difficult not putting on shoes and getting into my car until I found him. He deserved answers and I knew he at least had questions. I needed to know how much of my life he’d put together and if he even suspected that B was his child.

Waiting until Bobby went to work the next day was going to be impossible, but it had to be done. Until I knew what was happening, I had to keep it a secret. My sanity, as well as my child’s well being was at stake and there was nothing that I wouldn’t do to make sure she always came first.

Chapter 27

After faking an illness to avoid my husband, I woke up the next morning feeling like crap. I think between all of the crying and honest to goodness guilt and worry, I’d come down with a cold. My nose was stopped up and my head was pounding.

I was determined and my health wasn’t going to keep me from doing what had to be done.

Nothing was going to stop me from hunting down Brooks and forcing him to listen to me. I couldn’t let him be so close to me without reaching out.

After calling Sarah and telling her a huge lie as to why I needed a sitter, I was dropping off B and heading to Columbia, where the Fort Jackson barracks were located.

I didn’t know what I was going to say, or if he’d even be there, but I had to try.

I’d made it one mile outside of town before I had to turn off the radio. Every song reminded me of the pain that I caused myself and possibly Brooks. I knew he must hate me and even if those feelings stood, I had to apologize. He had to know how sorry I was for breaking his heart and lying to him.

When I pulled up at the barracks I was stopped by a guard that wanted to know my business for being there. Since I only had a name and nothing else, I pleaded my case, as if it were life and death.

“I’m here to see a soldier named Brooks Valentine.”

“Is he expecting you?”

“No.”

“I’m sorry ma’am, but this is a restricted area. I suggest you get in contact with him and have him put you on the visitor’s list.”

“You don’t understand. I have to get to him. I have to talk to him. My life depends on it.”

“Ma’am, are you in some kind of trouble?”

I started crying. “Please. You don’t have to let me through, but can you at least ask him to come out to meet me? Just tell him Katy Michaels is here to see him.”

The man rolled his eyes and went inside of his little booth, where he comically shared my desperate situation with his partner.

I felt violated, like they were trampling on my already fragile heart.

Thankfully, I watched him make a call. I sat there biting my nails, refusing to take no for an answer when he came back and told me Brooks wasn’t coming out.

As he approached my vehicle, I thought I was going to throw up in his face. My nerves were making my stomach queasy and even though I was sitting, I felt lightheaded.

He handed me a paper to put on my dashboard and a visitor badge to wear on my shirt. “Take this road until you come to a stop. Make that first left and pull into the second building. He said he’ll come outside to meet you.”

His words were ringing in my ears. After all the time that had passed I was going to see Brooks. My Brooks that I thought had been killed. My Brooks, that I never stopped loving, not even for a second.

I followed his directions and parked in a vacant spot. Soldiers marched around in the grass and I focused on them instead of the door where he’d be coming out of. I couldn’t bring myself to look at it, in fear of passing out.

My hands were shaking and the bile was in my throat. I had to close my eyes to breathe without straining.

Then I heard his boots hit the pavement when he walked. They crunched against the little gravel pebbles and I knew he was standing there outside my window.

I couldn’t, for the life of me, turn to look at him. I knew his beautiful face was looking in waiting for me and I couldn’t do it. I was so afraid of so many things, but mostly I was afraid to look at him and accept that I’d been wrong.

He wasn’t just alive. He’d come for me and I’d destroyed him once again.

When I felt like I was going to start the car and pull out without explanation, he startled me by climbing into the passenger seat. My heart was beating out of my chest and even without looking at him, I began to sob. I could smell him and I knew he was real; so real that I could reach over and touch him.

Brooks was alive and he was sitting in my car. “Kat, look at me.”

His words.

His voice.

It was all I could think about as I turned and looked right into the eyes of the most beautiful, perfect man in the world. “Brooks.”

He smiled and reached over to wipe away my tears. “Don’t cry. I can’t handle it.”

I cried worse. “I just got your letter. The last one you sent. It must have gotten lost.”

He put his fingers over my lips. “Like the letters you wrote to me, telling me you were married with a kid?”

And there it was.

The reason why I hadn’t heard from him.

He knew the truth and it was the reason that he wasn’t beating down my door looking for me. I looked at the steering wheel and covered my face. “I’m so sorry, Brooks. I didn’t have the heart to tell you. I never expected that you’d still love me and when I found out you did, nothing else mattered except for you and me.”

I couldn’t look at him.

“Kat, Do you have any idea what I had to do to get stationed near you? It was a pain in the ass and involved a lot of ass kissing. I figured that it didn’t matter as long as I had you. We could get married and live on or off a base somewhere, and maybe even have a couple of kids. Do you have any idea how it felt to pull up at your house and see you with them? At first I couldn’t believe it. I thought maybe you were living with friends. Then when that cop called and told me that you and your husband were concerned, I knew my fears were true.”

“I’m sorry.” It was all I could say, but my voice was pleading. “You don’t understand what happened to me.”

Finally, I had to face him. I couldn’t let this be our goodbye and not take in every inch of him. “How long have you been married, Kat?”

My bottom lip quivered as I looked into those blue eyes. If only I had the strength to tell him about B. He’d understand why I couldn’t do it on my own. “Two years,” I whispered.

Brooks stared at me, peering into my soul for explanations that I wasn’t ready to give. “Jesus Christ. Did you even mean the things you said to me, or were they all just bullshit?”