Love’s Suicide(56)
Author: Jennifer Foor

After a couple hours of talking, it felt like our friendship was back intact. We had a bunch of issues to overcome, but our bond was still there. B starting yawning halfway through her meal. I knew our day was going to come to an end soon and it hurt knowing that we’d have to say goodbye.

Brooks picked up the check for our food, insisting that he somehow owed me so much more. I’d never expected, nor would I ever ask him for child support. We’d share responsibilities for our daughter, even if we weren’t ever together as a couple.

Once we paid and got in the car, it only took B five minutes to fall asleep. Brooks had offered to drive to give me break, even though he was the one that hadn’t slept. We’d been driving for a good ten minutes before he pulled over in a gas station parking lot. When he didn’t get out, I knew he had something to say. “What is it?”

Brooks turned to look at me. He wasn’t crying and didn’t seem upset, but something was off. “You know, I kept your letters, even after I moved back home and found out you had a family. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t come to terms with throwing them away, because it felt like I was throwing away our love.” He looked directly into my eyes and brushed the back of his hand over my cheek. I closed my eyes when he did it. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to be feeling Kat, but when I’m with you, I feel like nothing has changed between us. Now we have a little girl. I mean, Jesus Christ, we made a baby together. She’s so freaking perfect, too. I look at her and I see both of us. I can’t be angry with you, because all I wanted for so long was to be a part of your life again. I get that you’re married and he makes you happy. I can respect that. I won’t push or ask you for something that you can’t give me, but I have to know the truth. I have to know if what you said to me in all those letters was true. Do I still have your heart, or did you already give it to someone else? When you look at me do you see me as a threat or is it something entirely different? Kat, I can’t see you every single day and not want to touch you. It’s been one and I’m already freaking out, because I’m having to take you home. Just tell me to back off.”

I reached over and touched his injured arm. He looked at me and I leaned in closer. I could feel his breath on my face and a hint of his cologne. I didn’t want to cheat on my husband, or say things that would cause more harm than good.

It had been twenty-four hours since Brooks came back into my life and in that time I’d experienced every kind of emotion. I was mentally and physically drained and he was too.

We were so close.

My eyes started to close, as if I was letting myself fall from a high building. He wanted to know and I had to tell him. “I’m not afraid of you Brooks. I know you’d never hurt me. You love her already, I can see it in your eyes. I’ve watched you holding her and falling for her. Somehow she already knows you’re special.”

“You’re avoiding my question.”

“You don’t want the truth.”

He looked away, assuming the truth was that I didn’t want him. “I think you just said it.”

He pulled out of the parking lot and headed in the direction of my house. Every couple of seconds he would clench his jaw, meaning he was holding his tongue from saying something he would regret. Sometimes I hated that I knew him so well.

When we turned onto the road where my house was on, he finally decided to address our upcoming schedule. “So tomorrow, can I come by the same time?”

“Yeah. It’s Sunday. We usually go to church, but we’re back before one. You can come over anytime after that.”

“And you’re going to tell Bobby about my parents coming?”

“Yes, but just so you know, the house is mine. I had it built when I was separated from Bobby. It was part of my trust money. I own it free and clear.”

Brooks looked at me real quick with a smile on his face. “I should have known you’d spend it wisely. Your mom and dad would be happy about that.”

“I think so too. They’d want B to have a home that she loved. I always loved where we lived. The only hard part was watching another child moving in after they were gone. Hopefully B won’t have to deal with something so tragic.”

Brooks agreed, “Yeah. You don’t have to worry about me going anywhere. Due to my injury, I’m no use in the field. All I do nowadays is train recruits on procedures. I feel more like a school teacher than a soldier.”

“You’re safe. That’s all I care about.”

I looked out the window, realizing we only had a few more minutes together. “It’s going to be nice seeing you again every day. I really missed you.”

I touched his arm. “I missed you, too.”

He pulled into the driveway and I saw Bobby’s truck. He was home waiting for his girls to arrive. I knew I couldn’t stand around talking to Brooks, so I had to grab B and go inside.

Brooks hopped out of the driver’s seat. He opened the back door and started unfastening her clips. It took him a few seconds to figure the buttons, but he managed to do it with little effort. When he climbed out of the back, he was holding her and kissing her on the cheek.

Then I heard him say something so beautiful. “I love you, bug.”

I tried to hold back my emotions, knowing it would upset Bobby if I went inside crying.

Brooks handed me our daughter and started to walk toward his truck. He came running back just as I’d turned around, forgetting to give me my keys. When our hands touched I felt that electric jolt hitting me again. Our eyes met and instead of saying goodbye, I said something entirely different. “I meant every word that I wrote in those letters, Brooks. I could never completely give my heart away, not when it was with you the whole time.”

Realizing what I’d just said, I turned and started moving quickly up the stairs to my porch. I couldn’t look him in the eyes, or see his face. I certainly didn’t want to stand there waiting to hear how he responded. The cat was out of the bag. I’d made it one day and I knew that Brooks wasn’t going to just give up on us like he said. If he was willing to sleep with me on the night before I married his brother, I feared what he was willing to do for me and our daughter. Brooks was a good man. He put others before himself. He’d never known what it was like to have a child. He didn’t know what unconditional love was like. Now that he was feeling that love radiating through him, all bets were off.