Love’s Suicide(65)
Author: Jennifer Foor

When I looked up into Brooks’ eyes, I knew he was having the same intense feelings. He licked his lips and looked down at mine. It was so sinful yet seemingly appropriate, all at the same time. This was Brooks, not some strange man that I was running around with. He was the father of my child and the owner of my heart. “I love you.” It came out as a whisper, but only because I didn’t want to wake up B.

Brooks sat up a little, causing me to fall off of him. He cupped my face into his hands and looked deeply into my eyes. “You were worth the wait.” Our lips connected and immediately there was a fire that ignited throughout my body. The power of one kiss not only overwhelmed me, but it made me feel as if we were levitating up above the bed.

His hand began to caress my skin, in places that were beyond the friend zone. I didn’t care. My rationalizing of what was right and wrong had been put to the side, because I was kissing this beautiful half-naked man, with enough years of pent up emotions that nothing was going to interfere. We’d had time and an ocean against us. Family and friends had alienated our bond, albeit being in this very moment made all of their attempts seem insignificant.

Brooks grabbed my backside and lifted me to be straddling him. I sat up, no longer ashamed for him to see my naked br**sts. Not that he even paid them any attention. His eyes were fixed on mine as our lips continued making contact, hosting our blending tongues. Each kiss was deeper and hotter.

I knew I wanted this man, and every inch of his smoking hot physique. Knowing that his heart was all mine aided my desire.

We stopping kissing, to catch our breaths and decide how far we were willing to take things. I’d told him earlier that it couldn’t happen, but knew there was no way I could stop myself. “Uh-oh.”

I turned to follow Brooks gaze and saw B standing on the edge of the bed with her fingers in her mouth. She didn’t say anything and I wasn’t sure if she could even know what I was doing was wrong. Nonetheless, I pulled the sheet to cover my chest and held my arms out for her. She climbed into the bed and Brooks moved over for her to get between us. B looked from me to Brooks, and then she did something that shocked the both of us. Instead of finding comfort against my bosom, like any child in an unfamiliar place would naturally do, she turned and buried her little body into Brooks’ chest. He kissed the top of her head and held his face there. I knew why, and when he lifted up, I could see that I was right.

Brooks was crying. He knew he didn’t need to hide his feelings from me. I could feel the burning sensation in my own eyes, sharing in the beauty of his daughter turning to him for comfort. She may not have even known what she was doing, but it still meant everything to him.

As he held her there, I lay watching them together. I’d never sat back and considered what it was like for Brooks, having been so excited to come home to me and finding that I had a life without him. The thought made me feel atrocious about what I’d done. Where I thought I was settling for the best I could do, he was still planning a life with me.

The misery that he must have endured seeing that I was married with a child was awful to imagine. It explained why he was so cold that day at the base. He couldn’t let his true emotions show because I’d devastated him yet again. I knew I didn’t deserve him, but I also knew that he’d never desert me.

I slid closer to B and wrapped an arm around the both of them. Brooks, while having B in his opposite arm, intertwined our fingers with his opposite hand. He laid them over B’s belly on top of the covers and we kept looking directly into each other’s glossed over eyes. B was already falling back asleep. We could have climbed onto the other bed and finished what was happening between us, except it was no longer necessary. Both of us had everything we wanted in the bed we were already occupying. I’d never felt so whole in my life. “This feels so right,” he whispered through his own tears. “I never thought I’d have this.”

I squeezed his hand. “Me either.”

Knowing that we were both content only made it easier for me to fall asleep. We were all three on the one queen sized bed, cuddled together and only proving true to our already strong bond.

When I woke a few hours later, B had kicked herself sideways. Her head was in my ribs and her feet were pressed against Brooks’ hard abs. He was awake, staring at me, with a grin on his face. Sometime, while sleeping, our hands had come apart and he was using his to motion to me that we needed to move her, or ourselves.

I slid off the bed and replaced where I was with a pillow. Brooks did the same after adjusting the covers so she couldn’t kick them off easily.

We climbed into the other bed. He pulled me close, bringing my back to rest against his chest. He leaned his chin against my shoulder and kissed it before becoming completely still. I placed my arms over top of his that were holding me tight and closed my eyes again. Just as I was falling back asleep, I heard him whisper something that woke me right back up. “I love you so much, Kat.”

I couldn’t lay there, being so close to him, having his fingertips almost touching my tingling ni**les and do nothing. I was done fighting a losing battle with wrong and right. I wanted Brooks, because in so many ways, I’d always only been his. With morals pushed aside, I lifted his wrapped arms up a few inches to glide across my ni**les. The pure awareness that it sent between my legs was immediate. I was burning for him and I couldn’t hold back any longer. I needed to dive in and be devoured by his love. My ass adjusted and I could feel his eagerness pressing on the back of my butt. Brooks knew it too. He knew that I wasn’t going to sleep until I was satiated by anything and everything that he had to offer.

When we were finally facing each other, prepared to keep going, he closed in for another kiss. “Make love to me, Brooks.”

He seemed conflicted. “You said we couldn’t.”

I ran my hand over his lips and he opened them to allow me to lean in and kiss him, dragging my tongue over his teeth. “Don’t you want me?” I whispered.

“Don’t be stupid, Kat. You don’t know how hard it is for me to hold back from what I really want. I just can’t have you walking out on me like before. There’s too much at stake here. If waiting will help you stick to your decision, it’s worth it to me.”

It hurt that he thought I was going to walk away again. He’d been right about it being different this time. I wasn’t being fickle. I knew exactly who and what I wanted.

This time I was all in. I didn’t have regrets. What I did have was a daughter and the chance for us to be a real family. “All I want is us, forever. I won’t be changing my mind or abandoning you. If you think we should wait, I’ll respect your decision, but we’re here, naked in this room. You love me and I love you. I’ve made a ton of mistakes, but there’s one thing that I’ve done right in my life, and that’s loving you. Brooks, look at me and tell me that you think I’m going to let go again. Look over at that little girl who loves you after knowing you for only a few days and tell me that I’d be so heartless as to take her away from you.”