Lustly(19)
Author: Jennifer Foor

On the way home I also thought about Eli, and how kissing him made me feel things that I hadn’t felt in a long time. I could only imagine what sleeping with him would be like. Then I thought about dating him. The idea of secretly being a whore made me cringe again. He’d never want to be with a woman like that.

As much as I wanted to know more about Eli I had to put my kids first. Dating was not something I was going to be able to do for a very long time.

When I got home Charlie was pulling up outside with the car full of our children. I greeted the kids, but never made eye contact with their father. He could sit around and mope until the cows came home. That f**k earlier was the last he was ever going to get.

We made it until after dinner before I looked at him, and even later in the evening before I could say anything. Thankfully he waited until the kids were asleep to address our situation. I’d just gotten out of the shower, where I thought about touching myself and then about Eli, and walked into the bedroom to dress.

I could feel his cheating eyes watching me as I pulled on a pair of underwear and nightgown. “Are you going to say anything?”

I climbed into the bed next to him. “I have nothing to say to you.”

“Lil, I know I hurt you, but -.”

“But what? I need time Charlie. I can’t just forgive you and move on like it never happened.”

“It was a long time ago.”

I faced him. “Really, because it feels like it was today. Seriously, unless you want to sleep on the damn couch I suggest you shut the hell up and leave me alone.”

I rolled over and covered myself up.

“Where did you go today?”

“I drove my van to a parking lot and cried all day. Are you happy now?” I wanted to smile in an evil way, knowing that it wasn’t where I’d gone. Telling him that I secretly made out with my divorce lawyer wasn’t really how I wanted to answer either.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you, Lil.”

“Goodnight, Charlie.”

Chapter 6

That next morning Charlie went back to the office. He tried to kiss me goodbye, but I rolled over to avoid it. He knew I was hurt and pissed, regardless of what truth I knew.

As soon as he and the kids were gone I’d called my doctor’s office. Since I agreed to see the nurse practitioner they squeezed me in the same day. Two hours later I left the office and headed right to the diner. Before walking inside I got a text message from Eli. I knew it was him because I’d put his name as Eliza, in case the kids or my husband saw it. I knew I was getting as bad as Charlie, but he’d done the damage to our marriage, not me.

I just want to know if you’re okay. – E

I wrote back. I told you I was fine. – L

If you need to talk I’m here. – E

I know where to find you. – L

It was weird how after so many years I’d only ever thought about Charlie, but now Eli held my thoughts in the man department. It was so new and exciting, and scary at the same time. I felt myself getting flush when I thought about our kissing, and groping. I wondered if he’d think my tits were too small, or that the freckles on my back weren’t appealing. It was silly, but true.

My day at the diner dragged, and Eli had court all week, so working at the office was just as boring. By the time I got home I went straight to lie down. In fact, for the next three days I had the same routine. I was too depressed and emotionally exhausted to deal with Charlie, so playing the sick card to the kids solved it temporarily.

Ms. Cybil called me after the third day, and I wasn’t sure if I was happy or frightened about it.

“Lily, how are you doing?”

Miserable.

Alone.

Suicidal.

“I’ve been better.”

“I got your results this morning. Are you still interested in the position?”

At least he hadn’t given me herpes.

I looked around the living room, at the couch, the rugs, the mantel, and all of the pictures of my family; my children, and knew what I had to do. “Yes. I’m interested.”

“Can you be here tomorrow morning around ten for your first training session?”

“Are you going to re-teach me how to have sex?” I had to ask.

“No dear. I’m going to teach you how to let go of your fears and enjoy your job.”

“I doubt it, but I’ll be there with shiny bells on. I need the money desperately, and I’ll do my best at whatever it is I need to do.”

“See you then.” She hung up without saying anything else. I didn’t know if she was busy, or didn’t like my sarcasm. Since I needed this to pan out, I had to be more careful about what I chose to say to the woman.

That next morning I thought I was seriously going to be sick. Why I’d considered that sleeping with a stranger for money was a good solution boggled me.

I thought about so much that my head was pounding. After downing three pain killers, I got myself ready for the biggest mistake of my life.

It was for my kids.

I had to do it.

I had to get away from my husband.

It was just my body. He wouldn’t have my soul.

Hookers were in the bible.

It didn’t help when I messaged Eli and let him know that I may not be in the office. He replied back immediately.

Are you okay? – E

Yes. Have an appointment. – L

Are you sick? – E

He cared too much, only reminding me that I’d never have someone like him to hold me at night, especially not since I was about to become a whore.

Nothing like that. I will message you later. Thanks, friend. – L

Friend was the worst word in the dictionary.

He didn’t reply, and I felt sad about it. I needed to stop, because thinking about him only made my life harder.

I pushed myself to pull up at those gates, and second guessed my decision even more as I walked inside of the front door.

The only thing that kept me motivated was the idea of providing for my kids. I’d do anything for them, and nothing was going to stop me, not even my conscience.

Session #1

“Close your eyes, Lily.” I did as I was told, allowing Ms. Cybil to put the blindfold over my eyes. I could feel my legs shaking under the long robe as my view was being disturbed by the thin silk fabric of the mask. Then the robe, that was given to me after she had me strip nude, was removed.

One at a time she grabbed my hands and put them behind my back, wrapping them in a scarf.

It was bad enough that she’d made me strip in front of her, also part of the session. Apparently I’d have to be comfortable being naked in front of my client.