Mini Shopaholic

I feel a tiny flash of shock, like sparks in my head. Breathe in … breathe out …

‘It’s fine.’ I’m amazed how calm I’m being, like a trained paramedic. ‘Don’t worry, Bonnie. I’ll delete it off his computer and his BlackBerry. No harm done. Thank God you caught it, that’s all—’

‘Becky, you don’t understand. Luke got it because he’s on our General Contacts list. That’s where I sent it by mistake.’

‘General Contacts?’ I echo uncertainly. ‘Well … who’s that? Who’s on the list?’

‘Around ten thousand City analysts, pundits and national press. I’m afraid it went out to all of them.’

I feel another flash – but this one isn’t tiny sparks. It’s massive, crashing, overwhelming tsunamis of horror.

‘Ten thousand people?’

‘Of course I immediately sent a retraction and asked for complete discretion. But I’m afraid it’s not as easy as that. People have started responding. Birthday messages have started arriving for Luke. His in-box is full. He’s had fifty-six already.’

With a shaking thumb I jab at Luke’s inbox on his BlackBerry. As it opens up, a list of unread emails fills the screen.

Many Happy Returns, Buddy!

Wishing You a Good One

Happy Birthday and all the best from the marketing team at HSBC

I can hear Luke’s tread as he comes up the stairs. I want to gibber with panic. I need to hide the BlackBerry. I need to hide everything, squash everything away.

‘He’ll guess everything!’ I whisper in horror, ducking into the bathroom. ‘We have to delete them! We have to stop them!’

‘I know.’ Bonnie sounds fairly desperate, too. ‘But it seems people have been forwarding the email on. He’s getting messages from all over the place. I don’t know how we can contain them.’

‘But it’s a secret!’ I almost wail. ‘Don’t they realize?’

‘Becky.’ Bonnie sighs. ‘Maybe you’ve kept the secret for long enough. The party’s only two days away. Isn’t it time to tell Luke?’

I stare at the phone in utter shock. She thinks I should just give up? After all this?

‘Absolutely not!’ I retort in a savage whisper. ‘No way! I’m giving him a surprise party, OK? A surprise. I’ll just have to distract Luke so he doesn’t see any emails or anything.’

‘Dear, you can’t possibly distract him from his emails for two entire days—’

‘Yes I can! I’ll lose his BlackBerry, and I’ll deal with his laptop somehow … Get the tech guys to delete all the emails if they can. Keep me posted. Bonnie, I’ve got to go …’

‘Becky?’ Luke is calling from the bedroom. ‘Darling, are you OK?’

I ring off, gaze at Luke’s BlackBerry for a heart-thumping moment, then quickly stamp on it, treading it into the tiled floor. There. Take that, ten thousand people all giving my secret party away.

‘Becky?’

I open the door to see him standing with a mug and plate bearing two slices of toast.

‘Are you OK?’ He peers at me in concern, then holds out his hand. ‘Can I have my BlackBerry back?’

‘I … broke it. Sorry.’

‘Jesus!’ He stares in shock at the mangled remains. ‘How the hell did you do that?’ He looks around the room. ‘Where’s my laptop got to? I’ll have to email Bonnie—’

‘No!’ My cry is so piercing he gives a startled flinch and tea slops out of the mug. ‘Forget your laptop! Forget everything! Luke …’ I cast desperately around. ‘I’m … ovulating!’

Yes!

‘What?’ He stares blankly at me.

‘Right now!’ I nod firmly. ‘This minute! I just did a test. They’re very specific these days. So we need to get down to it! Quickly! Minnie’s asleep, it’s just you and me in the house …’ I sidle up to him suggestively, take the mug and plate out of his hands and dump them on a shelf. ‘Come on, darling.’ I lower my voice huskily. ‘Let’s make a baby.’

‘Well, there’s a thought.’ His eyes gleam as I start to unbutton his shirt and tug it out of his trousers. ‘No time like the present.’

‘Absolutely.’ I close my eyes and run my hand down his chest in my most sultry way. ‘I am so in the mood.’

Actually, it’s true. All the adrenalin pumping round my body is getting me quite hot and bothered. I pull his shirt off completely and move closer, breathing in his faint scent of sweat and aftershave. Mmmm. This was a very good idea.