Mini Shopaholic

‘Well, thanks, Bonnie,’ he says at last. ‘That would be great. Talk to you soon. Have you got this number? OK. And … thanks.’ He puts the phone down and looks at me. ‘Bonnie’s going to bike another laptop over here while I’m seeing Gary. If you take delivery, I can pick it up on my way back to the office.’

‘What a good idea!’ I exclaim, as though this is news to me and I haven’t already exchanged about fifty emails on the subject. ‘Good thing Bonnie’s so efficient, isn’t it?’ I can’t resist adding.

Bonnie’s sending over a specially modified laptop which will be unable to access the internet due to a ‘server flaw’. The tech department have also disabled Luke’s email account and set up a dummy one. Bonnie’s going to fill it with enough emails to keep him busy and unsuspicious – but nothing else. Basically, we’re cutting him off from virtual civilization.

‘And she’s sorting out a car to take me to wherever the hell Gary is. It should be here in about twenty minutes.’ Luke looks around the room yet again, his brow furrowing. ‘I’m sure I brought my laptop back last night. I’m sure I did.’

‘Don’t worry about your laptop,’ I say soothingly, as though he’s a psychotic patient. ‘Tell you what, why don’t you get Minnie dressed?’

My BlackBerry has been vibrating with incoming calls, and as soon as Luke’s out of earshot, I grab it and answer without even checking the screen.

‘Hi, Bonnie?’

‘No, it’s Davina.’

I’m so focused on this morning’s events, it takes me a nanosecond to realize who it is.

‘Davina?’ I can’t hide my surprise. ‘Hi! How are you?’

‘Becky! You poor thing! This is terrible!’ For one mad moment I think she means about the party nearly coming out. Then I realize what she’s talking about.

‘Oh, that.’ I wince. ‘Yes, I know.’

‘What happened?’

I really could do without going over the whole thing again. I’d kind of managed to forget about it for now.

‘Well, my boss found out about the Shop in Private service.’ I keep my voice low. ‘And he didn’t like it. So I’m suspended and they’re going to do an investigation.’ To be honest, I’ve been so frantic over the last few days I’ve barely given the investigation a thought.

‘But you saved our lives!’ Davina sounds impassioned. ‘We’re all agreed, we’re not standing for it. We had a meeting yesterday, a few of your regular clients. Jasmine was the one who spread the word, then we all got on a group email …’

‘Jasmine?’ I’m quite taken aback at the idea of Jasmine rallying the troops.

‘We’re not letting this go. We’re going to take action. And that boss of yours will wish he never messed with you.’

She’s so fierce, I feel touched. By Jasmine, too. Although, to be honest, what on earth can any of them do? Maybe they’re all going to write a joint letter of complaint.

‘Well … thanks, Davina. I really appreciate it.’

‘I’ll keep you posted. But what I wanted to ask is, are you OK, Becky? Is there anything I can do? Anything at all? I’ve got the whole day off, so if you need to talk, if you want cheering up …’

I feel a wash of gratitude. Davina’s such a sweetheart.

‘Thanks, but not really.’ Not unless you can somehow distract my husband—

Ooh. My thoughts have stopped abruptly in their tracks. Davina’s a doctor, isn’t she? So she could maybe …

No. I can’t ask that. It’s too big a favour.

But it would save my life, and she did offer …

‘Actually, there is something that would really help me out,’ I say cautiously. ‘But it’s really massive …’

‘Anything! Just tell me!’

Davina is a star. By the time Luke comes back into the room with Minnie, the plan is in place. Both Davina and I have texted Bonnie; everything’s set. I hastily whip my BlackBerry back under the duvet and smile at Luke, just as the phone rings on cue.

‘Oh, hi Bonnie!’ I say innocently. ‘Yes, Luke’s here. Did you want him for something?’

I hand over the receiver – and this time I have to bite my lip even harder as Luke’s face becomes more and more aghast.

‘An emergency medical?’ he expostulates at last.

Oh God, I mustn’t laugh. I mustn’t.

‘You can’t be serious!’ he’s exclaiming. ‘How can it be an emergency, for fuck’s sake? Well, tell them I can’t.’ I can see him getting frustrated. ‘Well, tell the insurance company to sod off. Well …’