Pawn (The Blackcoat Rebellion #1)(39)
Author: Aimee Carter

To my relief, Benjy smiled as well, but it wasn’t his usual boyish grin. Instead, like everything else about him, it was pained. “That wasn’t the first time we kissed,” he said.

“No, but it was the first time you kissed me instead of the other way around.”

He turned away and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. I heard a strange choking sound, and when he finally faced me, I realized he was crying.

“Kitty,” he whispered. “This isn’t possible.”

Everything in me wanted to move closer to him, to pull him into a hug and never let go, but I didn’t. Not yet. “I’m sorry—I tried to get to you, but they’re watching everything I do, and—and I knew you’d see Lila instead of me and—”

“Don’t apologize,” he said, and he brushed his fingers against my cheekbone, an inch from my eye. “I see you now.”

I let out a soft sob. “I’ve missed you.”

Benjy wrapped his arms around me, and I buried my face in his chest. No one had held me like this since I’d become Lila, and everything bad that had happened in the past month faded away. For a few golden moments, everything was all right again.

I don’t know who kissed who first, but even though they weren’t my lips anymore, it was like I’d never disappeared. There was a hunger to his kiss that was new, but everything else about it was distinctly Benjy. That moment of pretend in the club with Knox had been hot, but this—I was home.

Someone cleared their throat, and I jumped guiltily.

Expecting Knox, I looked over Benjy’s shoulder, but when I saw who was standing there, I paled.

Celia.

“I see you’ve told him,” she said, her smooth voice sending a chill down my spine. Benjy gripped my hand, and I squeezed back, trying to reassure him.

“Knox said I could. If you have a problem with it, take it up with him.”

“I have no problem with it,” she said, stepping inside and closing the door. “In fact, I’m delighted to meet you, Benjy. I’ve heard quite a lot about you from Kitty.”

Benjy nodded respectfully, but his shoulders tightened.

“It’s a pleasure, ma’am. I hope you’ve only heard good things.”

“Of course,” said Celia. “I’m sure there are only good things to tell. I also hear you’re quite trustworthy—is that true?”

“Yes,” I said flatly. “He knows how dangerous it’ll be if anyone finds out he knows.”

“Good. I’m pleased you both understand what’s at stake.” She focused on me. “Kitty, darling, why don’t I give you two another moment, and once you’re finished, you come see me in my suite? I’ve got something I’d like to discuss with you.”

I nodded weakly. A discussion with Celia right now couldn’t be a good thing.

She slipped back through the door, leaving me and Benjy alone again. He laced his fingers in mine. “I don’t trust her.”

“She’s up to something,” I said, and with a sigh, I told him about the deal we’d made. About how I’d agreed to continue Lila’s work.

Benjy stood and started to pace in front of the couch.

“Do you realize what could happen? I’m not going to let you do this to yourself.”

“You don’t have a choice,” I said. “I don’t, either. They know how much you matter to me. When the Shields went to the group home to find me on my birthday—”

Benjy stopped. “I told them where you’d gone when they came back. I thought if they caught up with you in time, you wouldn’t have to—you know, and they had no proof you were stealing…”

He trailed off, but he didn’t have to finish. “I know,”

I said. “I’m glad you did. If you hadn’t told them, you and Nina would have both—”

I couldn’t make myself say it. Benjy blinked hard.

“She’s really gone?”

“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice breaking. “I didn’t know.

If they find out I told you everything, they’ll send you there, too.” I paused. “We have to pretend we don’t know each other. You can’t be—happy around me or even hint that you suspect. I don’t want anything to happen to you, okay?”

“I don’t want anything to happen to you, either.” The seconds ticked by, but finally he nodded. “All right. We can do this, but I swear if they hurt you—”

“They won’t, and if they do, then we’ll figure something out. We’ll run away if we have to.” I glanced toward Knox’s closet. “Benjy, if you ever need to leave—”

A knock echoed through the room, and a moment later Knox entered. “I see you two have become better acquainted,” he said, heading back to his desk. “Celia wanted me to remind you that she’d like to see you.”

“Right.” I stood, and without warning, Benjy caught me in a giant bear hug and kissed me deeply. Unless Knox gave us another moment alone, it would likely be our last for a long time.

“Hey,” said Knox. “That’s my fiancée you’re kissing.”

I could have killed him for that. Benjy immediately let go of me, and my insides twisted as I watched him return to the other room without once looking back.

I glowered at Knox. “Thanks for that.”

“You’d better get used to it,” he said. “No one else is going to be so forgiving if they find you kissing my assistant.”

“Yeah, we know.” I stormed toward the door. Before I yanked it open, I added, “Why did you even bring him here?”

“Because I thought you would be glad to see him again.”

“Yeah, but Daxton and Augusta know he’s here, don’t they?”

He sighed and removed his glasses. “They won’t hurt him.”

“As long as I behave,” I said. “Except you and Celia are asking me to do the exact opposite.”

“You will be protected,” he promised. “As will Benjy.”

“Just like you protected Lila?” I said. He was quiet for a long moment.

“If Daxton and Augusta wanted to kill him, no bunker in the world would keep him safe forever,” he said.

“This way, he gets to live his life—a charmed life at that, as a VI and the future minister of ranking’s most trusted adviser. If we all survive this, he will have more opportunities than he ever dreamed of before today.”