Ravage

Valentin tensed when I lifted my head. When I looked up into his eyes, they were wide and braced, as though I was about to react. As if I were about to say something that would crush his soul.

Nervousness trickled into my body. Lifting my hands to pull his head down to me, I asked, “Talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong. Your eyes, your beautiful eyes, are wide and filled with apprehension, but I don’t why. You need to talk to me, Valentin. I love you. Please let me in.”

Valentin expelled a rough breath. Seeming full of frustration, he turned on his heel and pushed out of the shower. He left the bathroom without drying off or taking a towel. Wanting this resolved now, I followed.

My skin shivered as my nakedness hit the cooler air of the bedroom. But I ignored it. My eyes fixed on Valentin, who was sitting on the end of the bed. He head was in his hands, his knuckles white and his muscles flinching.

I approached slowly and spoke. “Valentin—”

“How is it that you’re with me?” Valentin interrupted. I stilled, shocked and confused by his very direct question.

“How is it that I’m with you?” I asked gently, not wanting to upset him more.

Valentin lifted his head and his tortured blue eyes bored into mine. My heart sank when I saw real doubt etched on his face. He really meant this. He meant every single word. He couldn’t understand why I was here with him.

“Valentin,” I spoke, “I love you. Surely that is reason enough?”

Valentin looked down at his hands, his palms upturned. He glared at his hands and said, “I hurt you. I caused you pain. I made you scream. How can you love me? Lots of time has gone past, and I keep waiting, I keep waiting for you to realize that you thought you loved me, because I had captured you and made you bend to my will. Every day when you wake, I wait for you to see the real monster lying in your bed. I wait for you to tell me to leave, disgusted by what I’ve done to you.”

My mouth dropped open hearing such rawness, the sheer pain in his voice. “I won’t,” I assured.

But Valentin got to his feet and shook his head. “You will. I took your innocence and made you mine. You said it yourself; I am a thief of hearts. I stole your first kiss with these lips. I stole your virgin barrier. And I took you, possessed you, made you mine. And I did that. I did that without your permission. I took it. And foolishly, you fell in love with me, the fucking ugly beast.”

Anger stirred within me. Stepping forward, I pointed at his chest, and I shouted, “I may have fallen for you, beast or not, but never call me foolish! I may have been untouched, but I was anything but innocent. I wanted you. Despite how fucked-up it sounds, I wanted to feel your hand caress me when I was shackled to that wall. Not at first; at first you terrified me. Of course I feared you, but when I saw the real you emerge through my pleasure, I craved you. I wanted you to take me.”

“That’s fucked up, Zoya,” he stated plainly.

“Then it’s fucked up. I don’t care.”

Valentin’s lips pulled over his teeth and he stepped forward to meet me. His huge frame towered over me. The scowl on his scarred and stern face should have induced fear. But for me, it didn’t.

Valentin peered down at me and, grabbing my hand, he brought it to his face. He ran my fingers over his deep scars—on his cheeks, on and over his eyes, down the side of his lips, and down to his chest. I watched my roving hand, but Valentin stopped, too many scars on his skin to pick one out.

He guided my palm to stop on his ruined face and asked, “How can you want this?” There was no longer any anger in his voice; instead his shoulders had slumped and his expression pleaded with me for an answer.

I couldn’t give one. His face was beautiful to me. Scarred, ruined, or not.

“I have looked in the mirror since we have been free. The drugs have finally gone from my body, allowing me a clarity I’ve never had before. And I can see me. I can see the man I’ve become. The man that fucking evil bitch turned me into. A monster to look at, and the things I’ve done…” I shook my head, but Valentin put his fingers over my lips to silence me. “Kotyonok, I am your Tbilisi monster. I stole you like the monster stole the children. I hurt you just like the monster hurt them. Only you can’t see it.”

His piercing blue eyes—the only part of his face untouched—searched mine. I knew he was waiting for the penny to drop. He was waiting for me to realize I didn’t want him.

He’d never been wanted.

Only this time he was, and he didn’t know how to deal with it.

Removing Valentin’s fingers from my lips, I clutched them in my hand and said, “You’re right.” I watched as his face paled with devastation as soon as those words left my lips. Feeling his pain in my heart, I stepped even closer, until our chests touched, and continued, “You are the Tbilisi monster, Valentin. You stole me. You hurt me. You brought me pain.” Valentin had stilled, but with a tilted head and an expression of pure love I added, “But from the minute I heard the story I had an obsession with that monster. And when all the children were running away from the dangerous monster in the woods, I would instead stand at the edge of the line of trees, searching through the darkness of the forest, trying to bring him home, so he would not be alone, so he would never again be alone.”

Valentin’s expression caused my heart to crack. I knew the regret for what he’d done to me was taking its hold.

“I can’t make love,” he abruptly whispered. “I can only fuck, brutal and hard. It’s all I’ve ever known.” He stepped back as if his very presence would wound me.

I followed this movement. “That’s fine, because I can make love to you.”

His head shook in protest. “I’m not soft or kind or loving, or—”

“That’s fine, because I am all of these things and, besides, I love you. You, not someone you think I should have.”

Valentin groaned as though he couldn’t cope with my words. His hands lifted to grip the sides of his head. “I’m fucked up. The Mistress fucked me up. I’ll cause you pain even when I want to make love.” He paused, and with lost eyes he said, “And I look like this; I’m designed to scare everyone I meet. I was never meant to be loved.”

Closing in until we shared the same air, I reached down and took hold of his length, and I said, “And all that is fine, because I love you unconditionally, and I will not break. You can be who you need to be with me. You can dominate me, possess me, and own me. Because I want you and accept whatever that comes with. I want to love you and want you to love me back, so that we both are never again alone.”