Renegade (Heven and Hell #4)(68)
Author: Cambria Hebert

“Yes, he was chosen to…” Her words fell away.

“To have sex with you!” I roared.

She didn’t look at me, but she gave a small nod.

My hand closed around the closest thing near me, the vase of wildflowers on the mantle, and I hurled it through the air. It hit the wall and shattered, glass and water flying everywhere. My chest heaved as I looked for something else to throw.

My hand closed over the logs in the hearth and I launched one through the air. It hit the wall with a sickening thud. “You’ve been saving yourself for him,” I spat. “For an angel.”

“I wasn’t saving myself,” she said, seemingly unruffled by my anger. “I was remaining pure for the island. For the magic. It’s what I was made for.”

“So you don’t get a say? He’s just going to come back here and stay until you… you get pregnant.”

An image of her holding a slightly rounded belly and smiling drew me up short. I jerked like I’d been slapped.

“It’s only one time. It only takes once.”

I stared at her, my anger actually dying away until I felt numb inside. “So what? He comes here and you… you let him touch you… and then he leaves you here, he leaves his kid here, and he never comes back?”

“I will raise my daughter and someday she will be the keeper of the island.”

I never thought of myself as good. I always knew my views were skewed, but the thoughts I was having… made me wonder if maybe there wasn’t any goodness in me at all. Maybe I’d been in hell too long, because suddenly, unflinchingly, I hated heaven.

How could a place like that, a place that claimed to be good and light, make this innocent woman live isolated on an island her entire life? How could they choose her path so clearly and not allow her the freedom of choice? How could they send that freaking white-winged… pansy to have sex with her? She was not his.

I wanted her.

I felt as if I was being sucked into a vortex with the realization. Sure, I’d always been attracted to her. I was attracted to practically any female. And I liked her—she smelled good and she always fed me and she was nice. But that isn’t why I came here to the island.

Was it?

I came here for the peace, for the color and the break from being in a place too bleak and empty. I wasn’t much of a man, but the emptiness had a way of taking what I was piece by piece.

I looked out the window at the crashing waves and the brilliant sky. Everything was perfect. It wasn’t this perfection that had kept me coming back.

It was her.

She wasn’t mine.

I turned away from the window. She was no longer sitting on the couch, but standing, looking at me. “This is my duty. This is why I am here.”

“Do you want him?” I had to force the vile words from my lips.

“It doesn’t matter.”

I rushed across the room and grabbed her arms to shake her. “Do you want him?”

“No,” she whispered, the single word breaking in shame.

I pulled her against me, wrapping my arms around her like vices, unwilling to let her go. I laid my cheek against the top of her head and breathed in. Her scent was so clean and light. Her arms wound around my waist and she pressed her face farther into my chest, and I found myself wishing I hadn’t put on a shirt. I would give anything for her skin to touch mine. I pulled her back, cupping her face in my hands and staring down.

“I’ll take you away from here.”

“No. I can’t.”

No? “You said—”

“I know what I said, but it doesn’t change anything. I have to do this.”

My fingers flexed, digging into her scalp. She reached up and grabbed my wrists.

“I won’t allow it.” I growled.

“It isn’t your choice.” She tried to pull back, but I held tight and kept her close. Emotions pummeled me and left me raw. I didn’t want to want her like this.

I pushed my face in close, breaking that barrier of space that was always between us. I heard her heartbeat pick up. I knew she was affected by this. By me.

“What about you? What’s your choice?”

Her eyes fluttered but then refocused and looked into me. “I don’t get a choice.”

I kissed her. I crushed my lips against hers and pulled her close, wrapping myself around her. She struggled, tried to push me away, but her struggles were halfhearted and died the instant my hand ran the length of her back. She made a sound and then her fingers were threading through my hair, and her lips began to move beneath mine.

Chills prickled my scalp and I groaned, shifting, moving, trying to get closer. I couldn’t get close enough. The space between us seemed canyons wide. I demanded she open for me, my tongue sweeping into her mouth, exploring every last possible place within her. I wanted her. She wasn’t mine. My blood boiled as I kissed her again and again and I lifted her off the ground, her legs blissfully wrapping themselves around my waist.

She pulled back, her eyes wide and unfocused, her breathing ragged and shallow. Her lips were swollen and her cheeks were flushed. Without thinking, I pressed a single, light kiss to her lips and pulled back, looking in her eyes once more.

Her hand unwound from my hair and ran along my jaw until the pad of her thumb brushed my bottom lip. I lowered my lips again, but she drew back.

“Don’t kiss me again.”

“Why?”

“I must remain pure. I… I…”

“You still choose him?” I asked incredulously. Did that kiss not affect her the way it did me?

“I told you. I don’t have a choice.”

Anger burned through me once again. I felt its white hot flames licking my veins. I felt my eyes narrow. “What if I take that choice away right now?”

A few steps took me to the couch where I laid her, covering her body with mine. At first she seemed distracted by the weight of my body, the feel of my touch… but then my words got through her fog.

“I cannot!” Her eyes widened and she began to push at my chest.

“I can. He won’t want you anymore if you aren’t pure.” I ran my hand down her side.

She gasped. From shock or pleasure I have no idea. “You wouldn’t dare force yourself on me!”

I laughed. “Force? I wouldn’t have to force you.” She would come willingly the minute I began touching her.

Tears sprang to her eyes. “Please don’t do this. If I… if I give in to you, then the island will be lost. The glamour will fall and it will be unprotected. The life, the hope of hell, will be doomed.”